Friday, April 10, 2009

When wrestlers make movies

Earlier today, I posted about the upcoming awesome tough-guy movie, The Expendables, and I mentioned that the cast should include more wrestlers in it. How funny that on the very same day, I came across this trailer for an upcoming (most likely straight-to-DVD) thriller called End Game (no, not that one, that's a whole nother thing) that made me maybe want to rethink my earlier statement.

End Game stars the amazing roided-out crazy bitch and Olympic gold-medalist, Kurt Angle, as a crazy psychopathic serial killer. Wait, it gets better! The film also stars Jenna Morasca of Survivor and Playboy fame (and now appearing along with Kurt on TNA aka: the poor man's WWE). She plays, wait for it, a stripper! This is actually a real movie. And not a porn (obviously, those have much better acting.). I especially love the clown getup (Doink!). Try to get through it without laughing (or chanting "YOU SUCK!")

All I can say is, John Cena's gotta feel a whole lot better about 12 Rounds after checking out this trailer.

Guess who may be getting married.........again

Stop me if you've heard this one - Pamela Anderson may be getting married again.

Rumors started after Pam's designer friend, Richie Rich (the hell?), told people at a party this week in Miami that he is working on designing her a wedding gown. Richie was quoted as saying "I already did one - we'll do another one" in response to a question about designing a wedding gown for Pam after she gushed about her boyfriend. He didn't mention if the dress would be white.

Pam is currently dating scuba diver (insert your own "going down under with an oxygen tank" joke here) Jamie Padgett.


Best Actress: Saaphyri

On I Love Money this week, Becky "Buckwild" and Saaphyri "Lip Chap" tried to come up with a plan to make the 15 minute decision making time in the Vault run out so they would have a chance of being safe from elimination. The first plan, Buckwild pouring water over everyone (without even any soap or nuthin'!) failed, so then Saaphyri had to draw upon her exquisite acting chops (2:00) to carry out their strategy. She was amazing (and demure - 3:03), however maybe too convincing for her own good because when the medics arrived, they pulled out the needle and thus, the plan was yet foiled again.

VH1 really needs to give these two a show (screw that
Daisy of Love crap!), they're like the new Lucy and Ethel.

Possibly the most badass movie of all time

Fuck that Sex and the City crap, I'm looking forward to the testosteronefest, The Expendables, opening 2010.

Have you heard about this one yet? Written, directed, and starring Sylvester Stallone, it's the story of a team of mercenaries that go to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator. You know the plot's not important though, because it's just an excuse to blow things up real good. Real, real good.

Check out this motherfucking cast: Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Eric Roberts, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Randy Couture (UFC). As for estrogen, so far there's only Charisma Carpenter (Thumbs up! Longtime girl crush!) and Brittany Murphy (Good on her for finally getting some work!)

This has the potential to acheive the level of awesomeness that Snakes on a Plane could have if it was good (and if they didn't kill the chihuahua.) They just need to cast Samuel L. Jackson, Steven Seagal, Jackie Chan, The Rock, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis, Mr. T, about half the WWE, and of course, Chuck Norris.

This will sweep the Oscars in 2011!

Sex and the City Sequel Spoilers

A source recently revealed to MSNBC some possible plots for the 'Sex and the City' movie. So stop reading this RIGHT NOW if you don't want to know. But it's probably better if you do, so you can save your money.

Samantha's going to become a broke-ass bitch:
"The proposed story line for Samantha will be her having to downsize her big-spending life after some of her investments get wiped out. You will see her having to survive on a more modest budget but still staying true to her fabulous taste."
As for everyone that screamed at the ending of the first movie when Carrie married Big, they may be screaming "I told you so dumbass!" during this one:
" The sequel will include key scenes of Carrie and Big in London [Carrie will move to London with her husband 'Mr. Big' after his business in New York starts to suffer], possibly shooting this winter for six weeks. Big loses a lot of money and takes a job in London, living alone in a one-bedroom apartment. Big gets really low and ends up in bed with another woman. After she leaves him Carrie discovers she is pregnant."
(However, Chris Noth has not yet signed on for the sequel so that storyline may not even happen.)

What the hell? Samantha shops at Fashion Bug? Big cheats on a pregnant Carrie? Why don't they just kill off Miranda and make if even more fucking depressing? God. They should have quit after the first one. Bad, bad idea.


Buffy's Pregnant!

Congrats to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. who announced today that they are expecting their first child together! The baby is due in the fall.


Thursday, April 9, 2009

Britney pulled an Axl

The "Circus" tour is already starting to go the way of the "Onyx Hotel" tour. Britney Spears walked off the stage three songs into her show last night in Vancouver after complaining about the smoky air in the arena. After storming off, an announcement was made:

"The building is awfully smoky. It is uncomfortable for everyone on stage, including Ms. Spears. Please extinguish all cigarettes – this is a non-smoking building, and the show will resume when the smoke on the stage is cleared."
During the unexpected thirty-minute intermission, music played and the crowd grew more and more agitated, booing and yelling insults.

Britney eventually came back on and finished her show but the crowd were not very grateful. At the end of the show Britney concluded with telling the audience, "Vancouver, don't smoke weed." (Yeah, that'll happen in Vancouver. Vancouver.)

After the show, Britney's publicist released a statement to the Associated Press, saying that
"crew members above the stage became ill due to a ventilation issue."

Below is audio of the announcement, along with comments from the crowd. I love the guy that keeps yelling "You're a ho!"


America hates blind people!

You should be ashamed of yourself America! And judges for not using the save! Scott MacIntyre was sent home on American Idol last night. Ok, so he was probably the worst one left, but he's blind! Or is he? (Anyone catch when he said "I'll have to watch my performance back." Hmmmm. Nice job!)

Well, goodbye Scott. I sure am going to miss him in the group numbers. I'll also miss the Braille Vote For the Worst banner:

Oh also, FloRida? FloRida? Are you fucking kidding me Idol? God I hate that shit. As if that song hasn't been tortured enough.

Next week - Songs from movies. And guess what? Quentin Tarantino's back!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Octomom - The TV Show

We all knew it was coming.

Nadya Suleman reportedly has a reality show in the works. The show which is being described as “Jon & Kate Plus 8” meets “The Bachelor”will chronicle her life raising 14 children and looking for love. (I'm guessing the men will consist of aspiring cult leaders.) Further details, including the network which will carry the show, have not yet been disclosed.


There's only one way this could possibly work:

Here's the story of a crazy lady
who already had too many freaking kids
all of them hoped to be sold, to Angelina
the youngest prayed for sids

The lady's story, it got more shady
When she wanted eight more kids of her own
Her vagina became a clown car
and America groaned

Then the lady whored herself to tv fellows
And some wackass
(probably Fox) producer had a hunch,
That a crew should document this family
And then we'll call this trash tv the Octo bunch

The Octo bunch, the Octo bunch
Tune in, you'll be sure to lose your lunch!

With Gloria Allred!

And Dr. Phil as Sam the Butcher!