Friday, October 17, 2008

God Save the Queen!

That's Paris Hilton and Christina Aguilera hanging out with Princes William and Harry last night in London. Well actually, word is Harry "snubbed" Paris after she performed a "sexy dance" for him. William bit though - the two were later seen exchanging phone numbers. Later that evening, Paris' crabs bit William.

The whole run of events is here in London's Mirror but I'm having a hard time understanding it (
I can't read English very well), so good luck with that.

Great moments in Axl History #37

With only 37 days to go until Moo shu and Dr. Pepper Day, I thought it would be fitting to have a clip countdown reminiscing on some of my favorite moments, as well as to provide an education to those young'ns not yet enlightened by the power of our leader, the man who will free China from communism.

#37 - Something Tastes Weird Yo

Back in 1988, Guns N' Roses were opening for Iron Maiden when they decided that they didn't want to anymore because that Eddie guy was creeping them out. To piss off Bruce Dickinson and company, they wrote a cute little rap song called "It Tastes Good, Don't It?" and performed it during their shows, hoping the explicit lyrics would get them thrown off the tour. Unfortunately for our heroes, Iron Maiden like to sing about the devil, so it didn't work so well. (Ironically, Axl's own throat problems forced them to cancel the rest of their shows with Iron Maiden.)

Not one to let a catchy ode to protein shakes go running off into the hills forever, our leader resurrected the song a few years later on the Use Your Illusion Tour as an interlude in Rocket Queen (a.k.a. The Greatest Song of All Time). Watch here as Axl earns his gangsta rap cred with his flow, NWA cap, and some kickass
choreography. Damn, I miss those tighty-whities.

This has been a Great Moment in Axl history.

Katie's Big Night!!

Katie Holmes made her Broadway debut last night in the Arthur Miller play, All My Sons to rave reviews!!! Well, I mean she "didn't embarrass herself".

Many fans showed up to cheer Katie on!

And look! Tom isn't dead!!! (Apparently there was a rumor going around yesterday of a rumor that Tom had fallen off a cliff. And I say a "rumor of a rumor', because no one actually heard a rumor that Tom had fallen off a cliff. Got that?)

So in love those two!!

Liz Hurley wants to make sure you are aware of Breast

..Cancer. Thanks dear, I think we are all aware now.

Here' s Liz and her globes at the Estée Lauder’s 2008 Global Lighting Initiative for Breast Cancer Awareness.

Screwin' Up With McCain

John McCain actually showed up this time on The Late Show With David Letterman last night, attempting to do some damage control for dissing Dave at the last minute for Katie Couric last month. When Dave called him out, John's excuse was "I screwed up." So, anotherwords....he's a politician. Pretty catchy though, that would make a good campaign slogan.

After Dave let him off way too easily they spoke a bit about America's Newest Sweetheart, Joe the Plumber.

Speaking of Joe, TMZ reported today that he owes $1,182.98 in back taxes and that his name isn't even Joe, it's Sam!
I guess he figured Sam was already taken by butchers, but still, I feel so deceived!!! I just ordered my t-shirt and everything! I'm gonna go post on a Clay Aiken messageboard now.

By the way, is it just me or does Joe--I mean, Sam--The Plumber look an awful lot like Stone Cold Steve Austin?

IRS is gonna open a can of whoopass on him!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Deja Vu?

What's up fuckers?!

So I've been gone for two months, but it seems not much has changed. Madonna and Guy are splitting up and there's rumors she's with A-Rod (again!). David "loves the sex" Duchovney and Tea Leoni are separating(or actually, have been but they just didn't tell us.) And, oh look, there's John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston together...again.
Somebody realized nobody gave a shit about his famewhorin' ass solo.

So yeah, same shit, different month.

I am sorry I missed Clay Aiken finally coming out and all the awesomeness that resulted from it. Seriously, if you are ever bored at work check out a Clay fanboard and read some posts from the "deceived" Claymates. It's some pretty funny (and scary) stuff.

So what else? The celebrity baby epidemic spread some more. We lost a legend (RIP Paul Newman). 90210 came back (and mostly sucked). My best friend from high school got married and didn't invite me. Bygones.

But I'm back now. And just in time for the Apocalypse next month! Ya'll know what I'm talking about, but I'm not going to actually say it in fear of jinxing it. And I'm not talking about having an African-American or a women (or hopefully, a plumber) in the White House for the first time in history. No, that's nothing compared to what will come nineteen days after that. Remember that scene in Independence Day where the aliens blasted that building and it started the end of the world? Well, go on down to your local Best Buy on November 23rd to see the shit in person. Or maybe not.

He'll get our country out of the shitter!

After watching last night's Presidential debate, I have finally decided who I am going to vote for! In eighteen days I will write my vote for Joe the Plumber!

Apparently I'm not the only one that had this brilliant idea. Not even 24 hours later, you can buy your very own Joe the Plumber t-shirt

I seriously predict this guy will get more votes than Nader ever did.

Milk your newfound fame Joe!!! Make a YouTube!