Uncoolgate today on Oprah

Ok, ok, I will now move on from my imaginary feud to a real-life one. Jen Aniston recently called Saint Angelina "uncool" in an interview after Ang mentioned how she looks forward to telling her kids that mommy and daddy were fucking around on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

So here's a clip of Jen explaining the comment (which she does not need to explain!!! Her husband cheated on her and the other woman rubbed it in her face!!! She's allowed to call that "uncool!") to The Oprah:

Even more reason he's the Asshat of the Week

Apparently, being the voice of the generation, does not mean that you are exempt from getting arrested.

Kanye West was leaving a nightclub in the U.K. early this morning when he saw a paparazzo taking his picture. This prompted him to push the camera into the photographer's face while shouting, “Get the fucking camera off him!” Kanye was arrested three hours laster at his hotel. He was then released and has not been charged.

The man, Terry Blackburn, says he has been suffering with a cut face and bruising since the incident. TMZ obtained a photo of his boo-boo.

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Are you listening Axl???? Kanye is trying to steal your thunder!! Beating up people with cameras is YOUR gig! Do something!!!

Asshat of the Week

There's delusions of grandeur and then there's Kanye West.

In an interview, Kanye recently spurtled out this mouthful of verbal diarrhea:

"I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice,. It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan."

Hey Kanye,

Oh sorry,

HEY KANYE!! LIL BOW WOW BEGS TO DIFFER! HE GOT THE MAGIC SNEAKERS, NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kanye then went on to call out Timberfuck, claiming Justin's slacking off was his gain ( of being the voice of the generation):

"There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin went on vacation I made albums. And it just came out to be that."

Ok, seriously. Everybody go out to Best Buy next Sunday and buy a copy of Chinese Democracy. Even if you don't like the band, do it for better good. We really need to stop this. Not having the number 1 album, will knock him down a little, you know? And even if you like Kanye, do it for his own good, because any more success and his head will explode.

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Great Moments in Axl History #10

Wow, we've hit the top ten already!!!

#10 Axl vs. Vince Neil (listen up Kanye!)

Perhaps the most famous of all of Axl's feuds, was the one with Vince Neil. It all started at (where else?) the MTV Video Awards, when GN'R bandmate Izzy Stradlin hit on Vince's then-wife (I think that was about four wives ago...) Vince took a shot at Izzy. Say it with me: Axl wasn't pleased. He told Vince he was "going to kill him." Soon it became all about Axl and Vince and everybody forgot Izzy had anything to do with it at all (just like with Guns N' Roses!)

The two went back and forth challenging each other. Eddie Van Halen and Sammy Hagar even offered to put up the money to have the fight at Madison Square Garden. But like most of the rest, the fight never happened.






THIS HAS BEEN GREAT MOMENTS IN AXL HISTORY

My dream come true!!!

So guess what? Kanye West has moved up his album release date to November 24th!!! That's right, the day after Chinese Democracy comes out!! Please please please let this turn into a feud!!

As for the reason? Kanye blogged: "I CHANGED MY ALBUM TO NOVEMBER SOMETHING CAUSE I FINISHED THE ALBUM AND I FELT LIKE IT.. I WANT YALL TO HEAR IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE."

But it looks like Kanye is picking a fight with the wrong person. On his blog today, Kanye posted a photo of Killers' front man Brandon Flowers with the heading "FRESH KID." Hmmm...that's random. Not! See, The Killers' new album has also been pushed up one day to Monday November 24th. (New releases usually come out on Tuesdays.)

No, no, no Kanye!!

Wait, let me rephrase that so you understand:

NO NO NO KANYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRANDON FLOWERS IS NO MATCH FOR YOU!!! IF YOU WANT 2 SPAR WITH YOUR TRUE THREAT, I SUGGEST YOU GET IN THE RING WITH ONE W. AXL ROSE... OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID 2 BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'LL KICK YOUR BITCHY LITTLE ASS... LISTEN HERE AXL IS THE TRUE MESSIAH AND KING OF RANTS WHO THROWS TANTRUMS AND SHOWS UP LATE 2 SHOWS, NOT YOUR COPYCAT PUNKASS... LOOK FUCKHEAD , I SEE YOU STANDING THERE... YOU THINK YOU'RE SO COOL? WHY DON'T YOU JUST POST A PHOTO OF AXL WITH THE HEADING "STALE MAN"... I DARE YOU 2!!!!!!!! DO IT KANYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DARE YOU TO RISK INVOKING THE WRATH OF OUR LEADER... DO IT YOU PARASITIC HOMEFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PUT ON YOUR NICEST PINK POLO SHIRT AND THOSE ASININE GLASSES WITH THE SLOTS AND CHALLENGE MR. ROSE TO A DUEL LIKE YOU DID WITH 50 CENT... AXL'S MORE GANGSTA THAN HIM ANYWAY ... SEE AXL GOT SKILLS.. MAYBE YOU DON'T CONSIDER HIM A THREAT BECAUSE MOST OF YOUR FANS DON'T KNOW WHO HE IS OR THINK HE IS NO LONGER RELEVANT, BUT DON'T COUNT OUT ALL THE OLD ROCK FANS WHO ARE GOING 2 GO OUT 2 BEST BUY 2 BUY THE ALBUM THEY'VE BEEN WAITING 2 HEAR FOR WAY 2 LONG, ABOUT 2 HUNDRED YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE WARNED SQUID BRAINS....HE'LL KNOCK YOUR ASS DOWN 2 THE PAVEMENT....YOU STILL 2 CHICKEN? THAT'S OK, LUCKY FOR YOU, THAT CHICKEN COOP AXL BUILT FOR BUCKETHEAD IS VACANT, SO YOU CAN GO LIVE IN THERE... CHINESE DEMOCRACY STARTS NOW... SO TAKE THAT ONE TO HEART!!!

Round one! You're welcome Axl.

Come on, Fight!! Fight!! Fight!!

In related news, the new Ludacris album has also been moved up a day to November 24th. Wow, it's like they're all a bunch of women whose cycles synched up!

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Flea better make a cameo!

HBO is developing a series based on Anthony Kiedis's childhood. Anthony is involved in the project, called "Scar Tissue" ("Californication" was already taken). There is concern over the content of show because in his autobiography, also called "Scar Tissue," Anthony brags about having sex with underage girls including actress Ione Skye when she was only 15.

An HBO spokesman said, "We did not buy the rights to his book, and we are not dramatizing the book. This project is focused on Anthony's life as an adolescent." The show will apparently focus on Kiedis and his drug-dealing and Sunset Strip hangin' father. So basically, it's "Everybody Hates Chris", but with rock stars and heroin.

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"Just go wait on the bench Cynthia"

A "baseball insider" revealed to the NY Post that A-Rod is still in love with ex-wife Cynthia and asked her to "wait for him" to him to get tired of screwing around with Madonna. Seriously.

The source said, "He has always wanted to be a superstar and he is in awe of Madonna, but Cynthia is his true love and best friend. He has been asking her to just let him get through this obsession.''

Aww, what girl wouldn't be swept off her feet after hearing a confession of love like that?

The source also claims that "Madonna is completely insensitive to [Cynthia] and possessive of him.''

Goodbye (for now?) MadTV

It was confirmed yesterday that Mad TV will end it's run after 14 seasons on Fox.

It is rumored that the show may be picked up by another network. Executive producer David Salzman said, "We've had a number of networks inquire as to whether the show was coming off Fox and saying that they'd be interested. We have not started to talk to them yet, but now is the time to begin those conversations. I think we have real prospects, but you never know, especially given the economy."

Whatever happens, we'll always have our memories of Stuart.



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Neverland No More

The title to the Neverland Ranch was transferred this past Monday to a company called Sycamore Valley Ranch Company, LLC, which is a joint venture between Michael Jackson and a division of a New York based private equity firm named Colony Capitol (who took over Michael's $24.5 million debt on the property earlier this year.) Colony owns many properties in Las Vegas including the Las Vegas Hilton. This has prompted rumors that Michael has signed on to have his own show in Las Vegas.

The property will no longer be called Neverland. It will now be referred to as Sycamore Valley Ranch in an attempt that people will no longer associate the property with child molestation, but instead with salad dressing.

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Paula Abdul Stalker found dead

A former American Idol contestant that was obsessed with Paula Abdul was found dead last night in a car parked near Paula's house. Police say Paula Goodspeed, 30, died of a drug overdose and have ruled the death a suicide. The car's license plate read "ABL LV."

LA police Captain James Miller said "Ms. Goodspeed's mother had gone to [the sheriff's department] to report her daughter missing, and advised them that she might be suicidal. The sheriffs determined that Ms. Goodspeed may be up in the vicinity by Paula Abdul's house. Our officers discovered her vehicle parked on the street, and found her inside. She was unresponsive to officers."

Paula Abdul was not at home when Paula was found. She released the following statement: "I am deeply shocked and saddened at what transpired yesterday. My heart and prayers go out to her family."

Here is Paula's audition from Season 5:

Watch more Dailymotion videos on AOL Video

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Great Moments in Axl History: 12 -11

#12. The 2002 MTV VMA'S (AKA: Round One?)

This one's inevitable, so let's just get it out of the way.

I will say that I actually do consider this a great moment. Moment, as in the first moment and the first moment only.

That day back in 2002, rumors were flying around the music sites all day. There had been similar rumors every year, but the "new" Guns N' Roses were really going to perform on the MTV Video Music Awards this time! Everyone I knew and their mother called me (like I hadn't already heard).

So all us nutswingers watched the show with our thumbs on "record" and sat through all the bullshit in anticipation of the big moment when our leader would once again grace us with his presence.

Then finally, at the end of the show, the adorable Jimmy Fallon, awesomely as excited as the rest of us, introduces the band like it was Christmas morning . Then we hear the opening riffs of "Welcome to the Jungle" and then, there's Axl! And he lets out this huge scream. And CUT! End of moment.

Because everything that happened after that was pretty much a tragedy. But we'll always have that one minute of "GN'R!! AWESOME!!!"



Skip to the end to see Axl talking about Chinese Democracy. Hey, see, he said it would take awhile!


#11. The 1988 MTV VMA's


Let's just follow that one up with this:





THIS HAS BEEN GREAT MOMENTS IN AXL HISTORY

Deep thoughts

Katie - "No, I thought about the whole faking our deaths scheme---too involved."

Suri - "What about those nice people that want to save you mommy? They will help us."

Katie - "No, I thought about that too. I'm sorry but we're just going to have to wait until the contract is up sweetie."

Suri - "Aw shit then! Can I at least have some socks in the meantime?"

Katie - "Suri!! Where did learn a word like that?"

Suri - "Socks? All the kids are wearing them. You should look into it."

Katie- "No, you know what word I'm talking about."

Suri - "Oh SHIT? Zahara. She said 'Don't take no shit from those paparazzi fuckers!' Hey, maybe her mom can adopt us!"

Jayden James is going to be ok

Britney Spears's 2-year old son Jayden James was rushed to a Kentwood hospital at 1:30 p.m. yesterday after suffering what has been described as a "terrible allergic reaction." A source told PEOPLE that the toddler "had hives, was itchy and irritable" and that "they're just not sure" what caused the reaction.

Britney spent the night in the hospital with her son. She was said to be very happy that they didn't put any restraints on her this time.

Britney's people posted the following statement on her website:

"Jayden James Federline was admitted to the Southwest Mississippi Regional Medical Center on Sunday, November 9th. Doctors concluded he had a reaction to something he ingested. He is expected to be discharged tomorrow."

As for that something he ingested, my guess is that Womanizer song. I broke out in hives after that shit too!



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Great Moments in Axl History : 15 -13

#15: Evict Axl

WTF? Ok, who remembers this contest on MTV because for some reason, I have no recollection of it and that is troubling me. It's not everyday our leader's aura is up for grabs. (I am very sorry oh Sweet Savior O' Ours, please accept my penance of 15 lashings with a wet bandanna.)

Axl's pretty funny and adorable in this clip.



I wonder if it's too late to enter. I think everybody who reads this should send in an entry today. That means MTV would receive about 6 entries for a sixteen year old contest, but it would still be pretty damn funny!

Now British Knight sneakers I do remember! They weren't as cool as LA Gear though (remember those awesome tricked out laces?!) Anyway, if you are wondering whatever happened to those here's some trivia from Wikipedia:

In the early 1990s the Crips street gang wore the shoes and took the "BK" logo to indicate "Blood Killer," in reference to the rival gang. The rumors are reported to have contributed to the decline in popularity of the brand as schools and universities moved to ban the wearing of the footwear in an attempt to curb gang-related violence

Now we know.


#14- The Snake Dance

All great entertainers have their own signature move. There was Elvis and his hip swinging, Michael Jackson and the moonwalk (and later: the crotchgrab), and Madonna has that thing where she humps everything (I apologize for the extreme close-up in the video I posted the other day of her and Britney and for any nightmares that may have resulted). And Axl has the snake dance. Not that a demonstration is required, but here's the Sweet Child video as it is truly the best recorded display.





No one is sure of the origins of the snake dance. Some historians argue an itch, others, a wedgie. There's even a rumor that Axl ripped off the move from Davy Jones (1:14) :



This guy also claims to be the originator:



But one thing's for sure, he has inspired generations of disciples:



#13: Axl's commercial (before he threatened to kick their bitchy little asses)

Ok, first the Evict Axl thing and now this? I'm loving these rare and bizarre-ass gems I'm finding today. It's like Nov. 23rd early!

So back in the days before the interwebs, if you wanted to learn about stuff, you'd read these things called magazines. I guess there was a lot of competition between the metal mags, because one of them, RIP, actually had a tv advertisement to try to get the fuckin' kids to pay their hard earned money to read about the bands they wanna know about.

And guess who it starred?



How randomly awesome is that? I seriously watched it like ten times! What good little product shillers those guys were! Well, actually Slash didn't realize he was shooting a commercial. He was just on the phone with his dealer and the RIP guy said "Dude read this real quick!" Unfortunately, it took forty-eight takes and two bottles of Jack Daniels before the guy was like, "Ok, that's going to have to do!" and turned off his VHS camcorder. My favorite part is the end where's he goes "Don't be stupid!" Of course, our leader was professional as ever, until the end when he gets pissed at Slash because Slash forgot to order his chow mein.

And yeah, they did say "an advice column by Lita Ford's MOM!"


THIS HAS BEEN GREAT MOMENTS IN AXL HISTORY