Saturday, April 5, 2008

Olly out?

So it looks like Ryan Seacrest has a new bear--uh, girlfriend. He was spotted out having dinner at Ago last night with model/singer/actress/ex-Benji Madden fiancee Sophie Monk. The two were introduced by a mutual friend who said,
"Sophie's got a great sense of humor. She's really goofy and sweet, a down-to-earth gal." Well the sense of humor part's gotta be true. Ironically, Sophie was discovered on the Australian version of "American Idol" called "Pop Stars." Sorry Holly. Or Molly. Looks like you're out of a job!


So are they???

There hasn't been any official confirmation yet from Beyonce and Jay-Z's camps on their rumored wedding yesterday, although PEOPLE seems to have jumped the gun (probably so they could say they were the FIRST! to report it) and said it happened. Their source, a "friend," said "It happened earlier this evening. Jay wanted it to be a really private affair – close friends and family." Among the guests: Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin.

TMZ had a live stream up yesterday from about 5 to 8, I watched about 10 minutes and all I saw were a bunch of over-anxious cameramen and two FedEx trucks. Too bad Beyonce didn't jump on one of the Fed-Ex trucks like in Runaway Bride--that would have been cool. She could have started singing "Independent Woman."

Anyway, now that they are married (allegedly!), there are already rumors that Beyonce is preggers. The LA TIMES thinks maybe that's why they rushed into marriage--you know, because they've only been dating for what? 15 years? They reference the above photo with Beyonce supposedly sporting a baby bump. Could be. Guess only time will tell. Hey, is that Spike Lee?

Friday, April 4, 2008

Wedding Day?!

I really hope Beyonce and Jay-Z get married today as rumored, because I'm really tired of hearing about it. First Beyonce was spotted wearing a diamond band on her ring finger last month and last Thursday the couple applied for a marriage license in New York City. The wedding will supposedly take place today in New York as well.


To add spark to the speculation, Kelly Rowland posted this video on YouTube of her and Michelle Williams in an "undisclosed location." Those two look hammered and carry on for a while after that. See what you started Miley and Mandy Show?!


Ut oh, here comes another Cruise lawsuit!! This time Tom's got his lawyers looking into a new strain of medical marijuana which is being marketed as "Tom Cruise Purple." The vials also feature a picture of Tom doing his psycho laugh (see above). The pot is sold at licensed cannabis clubs in Northern California -----WHAT? There are licensed cannabis clubs in Northern California??? Hang on, I gotta open a new tab...

Ok, I'm back. So staffers at the clinics in California have been forbidden to discuss their "inventory" with the press but one source said, "I heard it's the kind of pot that makes you hallucinate."

OMG, how awesome would it be if they remade Reefer Madness (though the musical kicked ass!) with Tom Cruise as Ralph?? He's got the laugh already! PLAY FASTER!!!!


The Boyfriend Steals Prada?

Anne Hathaway's loser boyfriend, Italian property developer Raffaelo Follieri, was arrested yesterday for writing a bad check. For $250,000!

The check was for work that a Washington D.C. public-relations firm did on his behalf. (250 G's? I gotta look into this public-relations thing!)

And guess what? This isn't the first time Raffaelo pulled something like this. Last year a billionaire named Ron Burkle's filed a lawsuit against Follieri for allegedly squandering $1.3 million in business funds to support his extremely lavish lifestyle, which Raffaelo denied.

He seems to have swindled Anne too, she's been with him for four years and credits him with bringing her out of her funk, literally. "He's brought out so many positive attributes," she said. "Before I met him, I wasted so much time. I was just annoying and narcissistic and smelled bad. He's protective without being possessive, passionate without needing to show his temper."

Just watch your purse dear.


Whatyougonnado Linda?

Here's a picture of Hulk Hogan and his new girlfriend that looks like a hybrid of Linda (above) and Brooke (below-yes, she has teeth). Her name is Jennifer McDaniel and the two reportedly met around the first of the year. No word on how old she is.

A source told PEOPLE, "He's very happy. He just seems very happy. His mood has changed. He's in a better place."

Speaking of Brooke, there's been talk that the new season of Hogan Knows Best (yup, they're keeping it on) will solely feature Brooke and revolve around her quest for a singing career. Oh goody, can't wait for that! If I were Brooke, I would totally use this opportunity to skank it up and see how much I could embarrass my father.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

American Idol Bible Hour!

So last night's results show of American Idol was actually a big Christian hootenanny in disguise!! Praise Fox!

First, the winners of The Next Great American Band Who Will Be Dumped From Their Label in Six Months (Light of Doom were so robbed!), The Clark Brothers performed "This Little Light of Mine":

Then Dolly sang a song about being lifted up with the awesome title (you know, because it's Dolly) "Jesus and Gravity." Seriously, look!:

After that Kristy Lee Cook sang Amazing Grace (again), special guest Carrie Underwood came back to sing "Jesus Take the Wheel," and Blake Lewis performed a special beatbox version of "Our God Is An Awesome God!" Then Brooke White led everyone in prayer. It lasted 52 minutes due to all the "Ok lord"'s and "that's fine"'s. Then Ryan took a collection, but made sure to let everyone know not to get that donation confused with next week's IDOL GIVES BACK (special start time 7:30--Don't miss it, they're saving kidnapped children now!! Ok, so the production assistant just drove one of the kids down the street and they pretended to reunite them but still, Brad Pitt's going to be there!!) After that was communion (unfortunately Paula drank all the wine so they had to use Coca Cola) Then Jesus actually showed up!!! Well, that's what Jason Castro said anyway, but he likes the pot, so he says a lot of funny stuff like that.


Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Ramiele was sent home and cried like a baby. Turns out she was just hungry. Fortunately Kristy Lee Cook was on hand to nurse her.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008


Well, it was inevitable, Scott Weiland is out of Velvet Revolver!

The following official statement was released on the band's website:

'Velvet Revolver founding members Slash, Duff McKagan, Matt Sorum and Dave Kushner announced today that they are parting ways with singer Scott Weiland. "This band is all about its fans and its music and Scott Weiland isn't 100% committed to either,” said Slash. "Among other things, his increasingly erratic on-stage behavior and personal problems have forced us to move on." '

The press release announcing the split was issued while the band was still on stage, playing their final performance ever with Weiland in Amsterdam! Scott did not respond until this morning, when he sent the following email to MTV:

"After reading the comment by Duff, Matt, Dave and the illustrious 'Guitar Hero,' Saul Hudson, a.k.a. Slash, I find it humorous that the so-called four 'founding members' of Velvet Revolver, better known to themselves as 'the Project' before I officially named the band, would decide to move on without me after I had already claimed the group dead in the water on March 20 in Glasgow.

In response to Slash's comment regarding my commitment [to the band], I have to say it is a blatant and tired excuse to cover up the truth. The truth of the matter is that the band had not gotten along on multiple levels for some time. On a musical level, there were moments of joy, inspiration, fun ... at times. But let's not forget the multiple trips to rehab every member of the band had taken (with the exception of one member — no need to mention his name).

Personally speaking, I choose to look forward to the future and performing with a group of friends I have known my entire life, people who have always had my back," Weiland continued. "This also speaks to my commitment to my music and my fellow bandmates in [Stone Temple Pilots] and to the fans who I feel would much rather watch a group of musicians who enjoy being together as opposed to a handful of discontents who at one time used to call themselves a gang."

Scott wrapped up the email with "Good hunting, lads — I think Sebastian Bach would be a fantastic choice."

Not a bad suggestion, but of course they'd have to change their name to SAVAGE ANIMAL!!!!

I'd also like to point out that it's pretty funny that Scott said he wants to "look toward the future" when in actuality he's just attempting to relive the past by reuniting with STP.

Whatev. I'm sure the rest of the band is relieved they don't have to watch his lame Mick Jagger impression every night anymore.

ASSHAT IDOL: Dolly Parton Week


This was the most awesome performance from last night for many reasons. First, he finally shut everyone up about the whole covering covers "controversy" (which never was controversial) by doing an original arrangement and doing it very well. Second - THE HAIR!! Hello? Definitely upped the hotness quotient. Thank you American Idol stylists! (now go work on Carly before Simon has a chance to insult her again!)

Sadly, the biggest reason this was so awesome though is because of the news that came out today. You'd never guess from his performance that David was having heart palpitations and high blood pressure due to the stress of his cancer-stricken brother's recent medical setback. He was taken to the hospital after the show and given medication to bring his blood pressure down and his condition will continue to be monitored.

Here's hoping both the Cook brothers pull through and feel better! I'll be so bummed if he leaves the show!


I'm gonna have to give this one to Ryan Seacrest's lame-ass attempt at an April Fool's Day joke about American Idol being canceled due to the vocal coaches being on strike. A much better gag would have been if he said David Archuleta had to leave the show because he went nuts and (rightfully) offed his father so they'd be bringing back the "Brothers Forever" guy to sing in his place.


Kristy Lee Cook lucked out again with it being country (Dolly Parton) night. She wasn't terrible and she looked nice (note the french pedicure Ryan was very fond of). I was almost starting to warm up to her a little until she attempted to Noriega Simon. Bitch please.


Ok, who was surprised that Syesha picked this song? My guess is: everyone that got punked by Ryan's April Fools Day joke. Yes, she did do some of the Dolly version and that one note was pretty awesome but still.

AND - another song that could be construed as an affair song!!!


Carly sounded great, didn't scare the shit out of me, and there was some actual emotion there for once. Dolly Parton is magic! Simon was really mean to her about her clothes though and pretty much called her a frumpy fatass which was rude, but kind of true (not that she's fat, but the clothes don't compliment her). Maybe now that the stylists have completed the David Cook project they can get to Carly. And if that doesn't work, call Stacy and Clinton.


I didn't fall asleep or get the munchies once during Jason's performance! Loved when Dolly grabbed his dreads,it's just too bad they didn't fall out in her hands!


NOTE TO BROOKE: Please be quiet when the judges are giving you criticism!


Yeah, that was pretty hot.


At first I thought the judges were praising him so much because he was the chosen one. Now, I think they're just trying to save him a beating.


"Do I ever cross your mind?" No.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Say it ain't so! Britney-Adnan Sex Tape?

Looks like Adnan's a little hard up for cash these days since Britney dumped his ass and he may be starting to sell some of the dirt he's been rumored to have collected over the course of their relationship.

Adnan is said to be in talks with porn giant Vivid Video on a Pam-Tommy type of marketing campaign. This information came out after a short clip of the tape began to circulate online
(to generate interest, I presume).

You can check out the clip HERE, but I must warn you, it's a little grainy, and definitely not for the faint of heart. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Who got it worse?

George Bush throwing out the first pitch at the Nationals home opener game?:

Or John Cena at the WWE Hall of Fame Ceremony?:


My God, what the hell is going on today?!!! More scandalous photos!!! This time it's teen sensation Miley Cyrus a.k.a. Hannah Montana in a couple of very compromising positions: seen above smoking and below in an extremely grown-up shot!! No word on where the photos came from.

When reached for comment, Miley's best friend Leslie said, "Oh, she's just being Miley."

Billy Ray's Achy Breaky Heart must be broken!


Ut Oh, Somebody's gonna get sued!

The above photo surfaced today of what looks to be Little Tommy Cruise engaged in some weird kind of magnetic sex/Scientology game with an unnamed Asian man. And they appear to be emerging from a closet!! The photo, which was mysteriously leaked to the media was found to be traced back to a message board for ex-Scientology members.

Too bad Katie can't run, he can just pull her right back with that giant magnet. You know, since she's a robot and all.


Heidi to sing...for the Pope?

Heidi Montag has been invited to sing at St. Patrick's Cathedral on April 19 for a special Mass which will be attended by priests, deacons and members of religious orders. Oh yeah, also attending? Pope Benedict XVI, who will be in town visiting New York from April 18 to 20.

Heidi has reportedly been requested personally by the Pope after he heard her "hit"song, "Higher" and was rumored to have said the high notes in the song "lifted him to the heavens" and that Heidi's "angelic voice" "[was] a spiritual gift to Christians everywhere."


Holy shit!! Angelina leaving Brad??? For Bono??!!

Whoa, this one is crazy!

Rumors are circulating that Angelina Jolie, currently pregnant with twins, has been secretly seeing U2 frontman Bono! The hookups reportedly started soon after the two goodoers (and Brad!) attended the "Next Steps for Africa" conference at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, Friday Jan. 27, 2006.

Although both are saintly, neither is an angel. Still-married Bono was rumored to be dating Penelope Cruz last summer after the two were spotted vacationing together in Saint-Tropez. And we all know about Angelina.

Here's the kicker. A source revealed those may be mini-Bono's Angie's carrying! Holy crap!! The scandal!!! How will this affect their Nobel Peace prize chances?

Oh, note to Jen - Don't take Brad back!


Monday, March 31, 2008

Don't get Mariah's statistics wrong

Mariah Carey hung up on a radio interview yesterday after the DJ misquoted the amount of albums she has sold.

During the interview, Radio One's DJ Reggie Yates said to Mariah, "You've sold over 80 million albums worldwide..."

Mariah then interrupted him and said
"Is that the right quote? I don't know. I have to ask someone I don't know if that is accurate." Then, click! She hung up the phone.

Mariah has actually sold 160 million albums.


So the moral of this story is: Don't mess with a diva's record sales!

Don't believe me? Watch:

At this time, please welcome our guest, Mariah Carey!


Damn Mariah, that's some bod you got going on in that photo!! Exactly how many hours of Photoshop did that take?

"Oh, you are so silly! Isn't my ensemble there so cute?"

Uh, yeah? For a seventeen year-old. So anyway, any plans for a Glitter 2?

"OOH!! That was a good one! Ha!"

Thanks, hey how about going back to TRL and getting you batshit on again?

"You're KILLING me sweetie!! Oh, dear, I don't know what was going on that day!"

You know, Mariah, I've gotta say, people are all wrong about you. You sure have a great sense of humor and don't take yourself too seriously.

Well, I guess after selling 80 million albums, you kind of have to huh?


Mariah? You there?

Aw Christ, this again?

Hey thirty-something soccermoms - Set your DVR's!! All five original members of the New Kids on the Block will appear together on the April 4th edition of the Today Show!!!

Whoo-hooo! It's 1989 all over again!!!

Except it's not. It's 2008 and these "kids" are nearly in their 40's! Not cute.


Annual Self-Indulgent Wrestlemania Comments

So Angelina and Brad may or may not have gotten married this weekend. WHO GIVES A CRAP? Yesterday was WRESTLEMANIA!!!

I have to say this was probably the best one in a long time. Most of the matches were great, the highlight of the night being the emotional Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels match (shut up, so what if I cried when HBK said "I'm sorry, I love you.") I was really surprised to see Orton keep the WWE title. All in all a really good night. Highlights are above for anyone that cares.

Of course, there were a couple of exceptions:

Ok, WHAT THE FUCK DID THEY NEED THIS BITCH FOR? She came out and announced the attendance. Yup, that's all she did. Oh, and Mr. Kennedy yelled in her face--that was pretty cool. Too bad the Boogeyman (is he even still in the WWE?)didn't feed her any worms since the she's bitching to PEOPLE about not being able to eat healthy. That's So Raven was there too, but I'm not going to pick on her because she was making sick children's dreams come true or some shit like that.

The Bunnymania match. The only good part was when the lights went out (7:22). I think God was trying to tell the WWE something. And what the hell was the reason for that kiss between Snoop Dog and Maria?

Here's the much hyped Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show match. I wonder if ESPN realizes rasslin's fake?

And yes, Undertaker beat my boyfriend for the Heavyweight Title. We all knew it was gonna happen. Hell of a match though.

Unfortunately, the WWE is never far from scandal and during the grand finale fireworks display, there was a malfunction and over 40 fans were injured when fireworks and cables landed on the crowd. Fortunately though while many were burned, no one was seriously injured.

On the malfunction, Gene Snitsky has released a statement exclusively to Asshat Hollywood: "It wasn't my fault."