Friday, January 4, 2008

20 Drink Minimum

Dane Cook has broken the Laugh Factory's record for the longest stand-up set, performing for seven hours. That's a lot of screaming and flailing!

Dane and Dave Chappelle have been competing against each other ever since Dane broke Richard Pryor's 1980 record of two hours and 41 minutes back in April by performing a routine lasting three hours and 50 minutes.

David then topped that record later that month by performing six hours and seven minutes. Then David outdid himself last month by tacking on an additional five minutes.

One hour and 36 minutes is the amount of time I will never get back after watching Good Luck Chuck.

On his blog, Dave wrote:

"Quick true or false blurb: Did I really do a record-breaking seven hours of stand-up comedy last night at the Laugh Factory? True.

I never sat down or left the stage. The show started with a small mighty crowd of around 60, and 35 of us were together this morning still laughing and recapping 2007 with laughs galore. It felt fantastic. I talked about anything and everything. From tigers mauling people to my parents' deaths. Reconstructive surgery to starting my very own race war. Sex, drugs and anything else that my brain served up.

I knew everyone in the crowd by the end and now they know me too. I dedicate my record-breaking set to all comedians that inspire me past and present."

Dave Chappelle responded by leaving Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada a voicemail message saying:"Man, okay, when can I come in?"


P-to the A-to the I-N-T-I-N-G

Let's take a break from all the Britney craziness and chill out with new engaged couple Fergie and Josh Duhamel painting some happy little trees while soaking up some sun.

Thank God he's here!!!

Everyone who is worried about Britney can breathe a big sigh of relief. Bobby Trendy is holding a candlelight vigil for Britney outside Cedars-Sinai. He said he doesn't want Britney to end up Anna Nicole Smith.

Don't worry Bobby, with you there, she'll pull through.

Now where's Chris Crocker?


Pam and Rick - Off again!

Although they claimed to be working things out, Pamela Anderson's lawyer has taken the divorce proceedings to the next stage. On December 28th, Pam's attorney filed a proof of service of summons in Los Angeles Superior Court. This is a document that proves that Rick was served with divorce papers on December 15th. He has 30 days to file a response.

Say it ain't so!!!



In case anyone was concerned that we hadn't heard much about psycho Britney for awhile, fear not! Lots of crazy shit went down at the Spears house last night.

It all started when the LAPD were called to Brit's house in Beverly Hills last night around 8:00 PM for a "family custody dispute." The cops would not say who made the call or the details of the dispute, however it is known that Britney was supposed to have her kids until 7:00PM. Earlier that day, Britney was two hours late for her deposition in the custody battle.

Soon after an ambulance, fire trucks, and more officers showed up.

TMZ learned that Britney refused to turn Sean Preston and Jayden James over to to K-Fed's bodyguard at 7:00PM, as she was ordered to.

The ambulances were called to the scene after police found Britney to be "under the influence of an unknown substance." (So how is that any different from any other day?)

After that, two of the ambulances left Britney's house en route to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. One had Britney and the other had Jayden James. Sean Preston was brought to K-Fed's home shortly after that. It has not been disclosed what Jayden was brought in for.

Britney enjoyed the ambulance ride and all the cool lights and sounds.

The paramedics were seen strapping her legs down. She liked that too.

Britney was then brought into the hospital. Upon her arrival she "flipped out" on the paparazzi waiting outside. She has since been placed on "medical hold" a.k.a. a mental evaluation. I can't imagine why. She is still there as of this post.

Meanwhile, K-Fed's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan is headed to court to ask the Commissioner to take away all of Britney's visitation rights. It is expected that will happen. Although the law firm that is supporting Britney has asked to withdraw as counsel, one of the attorneys from the firm will appear on Britney's behalf.

CRRR--AAZZZZYYYY!!! I need a nap after all that!


Thursday, January 3, 2008



The latest (alleged) sex tape stars.....

There is allegedly a cameraphone filmed sex tape circulating which features a drunken Vivica A. Fox giving an unnamed Atlanta man a special kiss, so claims a blogger from Atlanta, named SandraRose .

Sandra writes on the blog:
"In the tape, an apparently inebriated Vivica can be seen on her knees servicing a male friend who surreptitiously taped the encounter on his cell phone. Allegedly the man, who lives in Atlanta, emailed the tape to friends who emailed it to Vivica. She quickly forwarded the tape to a friend at the Atlanta police department. "It isn't known if Vivica filed an official complaint with the police or if she asked her police friend to handle the situation privately."
On a later post, after having viewed the tape she followed up with:

"One of my loyal readers just sent me an image from that video I told you about which allegedly shows Vivica A. Fox orally manipulating a gentleman’s swollen member. I verified that the image did indeed look just like Vivica then I quickly deleted it since possession of pron [sic] on your computer is illegal in the state of Georgia.

In defense of Vivica, it could also be her twin sister that she didn’t know she had. Stranger things have happened. Anyway, listen to Porsche Fox on V-103 from 10 am to 2 pm tomorrow for an update."

So she had the tape but deleted it? And if having pron (I like it! It's like Tron!) is illegal, then why would someone publicly admit on a blog that they had it at one time? Duh! Regardless, I'm damn happy I don't live in Georgia!

Back to Viv, I don't know if I'm buying this. I guess we'll find out but I'm thinking it's all a hoax on Vivica's part to get her name in the news since no one really gave a hoot when she got busted for DUI.

Poor Vivica, that it's come to the last stage in the life of a D-list star:
Dancing With the Stars, DUI, Sex tape. Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes.


Trainwreck TV alert!

Amy Winehouse is reportedly on board to perform at next month's Grammy Awards. Amy recently cancelled her U.K. tour and took a month off following the arrest of her husband.

Media sources are referring to Amy's Grammy performance as her "comeback" and Amy is "really excited," according to a source. Amy is also nominated in six categories at this year's ceremony.

The performance is rumored to be a soul and Motown medley, possibly a duet with one or more US stars. Kanye West's name has been mentioned. Fuck Kanye, I want to see Amy duet with Britney! How freakin' awesome would that be?

There's just one snag though, Amy needs a U.S. visa and she's hoping her recent arrest (in connection with Blake's.) won't hinder her getting one.

In other Wacky Winehouse news, Amy has credited singer Bryan Adams with helping her with her addictions to drugs and alcohol by taking her scuba-diving. She spent Christmas and New Year's holidays with Bryan at his home in Mustique.

Amy says the scuba-diving has changed her life: "I've learnt to appreciate the simple things, like the beauty of nature. And it's taught me to face my fears. It's a different world down there. I can look at things in a new way. "I've come to the realisation that life is too short; I want to make sure I live every minute of it."

First, Bryan Adams? What? Why is this guy's name always coming up so randomly? Remember when Lindsay Lohan was over his house and fell out of the shower and down the stairs and broke a teacup and cut an artery or something like that about a year or so ago? He did that really annoying song from Robin Hood like twenty years ago and was never heard from until all of a sudden all these drug addicted starlets are staying at his house. He should open up the Bryan Adams Rehabilitation Center for Wayward Girls or even better he could just call it Reckless. Seriously, what? Second, can you imagine Winehouse scuba-diving? Her bouffant is probably full of plankton.

Shit, now I have that damn song stuck in my head.




"Pay attention Grammys!"

I'm serious. Kanye West wrote on his blog that he's been playing the game to help him cope with the shocking death of his mother last November. I hate giving this guy credit for anything, but that's pretty cool considering those other easier yet self-destructive ways of coping that are out there.

So he said,
"I would play this game for hours and hours ... It helped me zone out. But every now and then people would speak of this legendary Connect 4 champion ... BEYONCE!!! I had 2 play her." (Dude, two letters: T-O. It shouldn't be so hard for someone who's always referring to himself as a genius.)

So the two played on New Year's Eve at Jay-Z's club 40/40 in Las Vegas. Beyonce beat Kanye nine times. Kanye bitched and moaned over never winning anything. Then he knocked the game over and left the room vowing never to have anything to do with Milton Bradley ever again for the rest of his life.

Then he finally calmed down, came back, and managed to beat Beyonce (at the game!). He was so proud, he posted the above picture on his blog.


Zoey drops out of high school

Nickelodeon has aborted the teen show Zoey 101 following the announcement of star Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy.

The fourth and final season has already been filmed but Nickelodeon execs are undecided as to whether or not to air it. According to a source, "For now it looks like it has been canned."

No word on whether Nintendo has similar plans to ax the Zoey Sex-Ed 101 video game.


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

What the asshats were up to New Year's Eve

"I need a damn fork and knife, this is so unclassy!"

" I told them ovah and ovah that I do NOT have the bloodyTimes Square ball! "

You knew it was inevitable.

"Heehee! I totally fooled everyone into thinking I'm famous!!"

"A toast to my ensemble staying on!"

Please let that be a laser beam like in Independence Day.

""Look, I'm a badass punk!!! See? Pink hair, plaid skirt, now I'm going to spray this expensive champagne all over!!! Someone request Fall Our Boy!!"

""You got it Avril!! We are so awesome!"

I need a tailor-made barf bag.


2007 was very big year for asshats so it was a tough choice, but you can't really top dog murdering. Though he prefers innocent doggies, Michael Vick killed two birds with one stone (or was that with one electrocution, drowning, beating?) : the aforementioned dogs and his career. Way to multitask douchebag!

Oh, by the way Mikey, I am sending you a belated Christmas gift for your stay in the big doghouse--your very own rapestand!!! Offer to let some of the guys try it out on you and make some new friends you homefuck piece of shit!