Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Great Moments in Axl History #5

First off, way to copy me MTV!

#5. Axl's down with the Governator

We've spent so much time covering Axl's enemies, that it would seem like he doesn't have any friends. But that's not true! One of his dearest is Ahnold Schwarzenegger.

Long before Chinese Democracy, Arnold the Governor of Caleefornia, and The Sarah Connor Chronicles, GN'R's song "You Could Be Mine" was used in Terminator 2. And the video was awesome. It featured clips of the movie, a cameo by Arnold as the Terminator, and THE TIGHTY WHITY BOOTY SHORTS!! It doesn't get much better than that!

Here's everyone talking about the making of the video:

This wasn't the only time Axl's music was used in one of Arnie's movies. "Oh My God" was featured on the soundtrack to
End of Days, but it's best leaving both that song and movie forgetten.


Kelly Osboune engaged!

Now we know why Ozzy's doing those cell phone commercials. He has a wedding to pay for!

US Weekly reports that Kelly Osbourne is getting married! Her boyfriend, model Luke Worrall made the announcement on his Facebook page when he changed his online relationship status to "engaged to Kelly Osbourne."

The couple has been dating for six months. Kelly is 23 and Luke is 18. Kelly, you cougar!! At least unlike some people, he's legal.

Congrats to the happy couple who I'm sure will have a long, happy marriage!

Sexiest Man Alive

Just in time for his new movie, Hugh Jackman has been named PEOPLE magazine's Sexiest Man Alive!

Hey does this mean they're going to bring back Viva Laughlin?

Watch out Pussycats, there's a new show in town!

Melanie Brown (aka Mel B) and Kelly Monaco are set to star in a new burlesque show in Vegas called PEEPSHOW. Although the dancers in the show will be topless, Mel and Kelly will not be. (For anyone that wants to see Kelly's boobs, just google "Kelly Monaco Playboy") Both women have appeared on Dancing With the Stars.

Here's the plot, Kelly's character is "Little Bo Peep," a timid and lonely girl who is guided by Mel's, "Peep Diva,"who says she will be "scantily clad, but in a classy way."

Mel went on to tell PEOPLE, "This is an original show. The Peep Diva is a diva, but it's all about empowering Kelly's part."

I know, wow! Although, I think I saw a porno like that once.

Like the Pussycat Doll lounge act, the show will have a revolving cast of guest (C-list) celebrities starring in it. Let's just hope this show doesn't spawn a pop group.

Let's check in the rehearsals:

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Great Moments in Axl History #9-6

Sorry, sorry!! I know y'all have been anxiously awaiting the latest installments of Great Moments in Axl History, but I figured the best tribute I can pay to him would be to make you wait for it!

Ok, that's not true. I was just lazy.

#9 The Evil Stephanie Seymour

Once upon a time in a far, far away land called Paradise City there lived a red-haired prince named Prince Axl. Now in this time, Prince Axl was a hot piece and could have had his pick of any of the maidens in the entire kingdom.

One day Prince Axl met a beautiful young woman named Stephanie and immediately fell in love with her. But little did Prince Axl know that the fair Stephanie was really evil and had cast a spell on him! So while Prince Axl wrote her love songs and gave her presents, The Evil Stephanie whored around with all of the other older and richer princes in the kingdom.

Finally, the spell wore off and Prince Axl realized he had been played. The two fought and each accused the other of abuse in the higher court. The village believed The Evil Stephanie because she's evil and Prince Axl was labeled a monster. (This one time, The Evil Stephanie morphed into her other form, a menancing black cat, and was almost caught. So to cover up her alter ego, she told everybody that Prince Axl made her go pee pee into the kitty litter box!) Prince Axl just wanted The Evil Stephanie to go away because what he thought was beautiful didn't live inside of her anymore and they reached an agreement out of the eye of the people of Paradise City.

The Evil Stephanie Seymour eventually married some old, wealthy, king and had babies with him to ensure her endless riches while poor Prince Axl was heartbroken for many years and went into hiding, writing many sad songs. (Hear them on Chinese Democracy, available November 23rd exclusively at Best Buy!)

(Also, beware whenever you see a menacing black cat because it could be The Evil Stephanie Seymour on the prowl.)

#8. Who's the Boss? Duh, who do you think? (AKA: Axl saves the day!)

Here's another story, but this one is a really cool . The plan was for Elton John and Rod Stewart to perform the song "Come Together" to honor John Lennon at the 1994 Rock and Roll Hall Fame ceremony where John was to be (posthumously) inducted as a solo artist. However an earthquake in Los Angeles changed those plans when it hit shortly before the event and they were not able to make it.

The production crew scrambled during the live show to get a replacement to perform the song. They literally went table to table at the ceremony looking for someone! So first, they approached Bruce Springsteen, who politely refused. Then they saw Axl at the next table and asked him. Axl said yes and then pulled up a chair next to Bruce. The two were then seen going over the lyrics for a couple minutes. When the act that was playing onstage during all of this left the stage, Axl and Bruce got up from the table, walked onstage and came together to perform the song.

I always love seeing Axl perform with a straight man as well as on a small stage (the musical equivalent of "fat guy in a little coat"). Awesomeness.

#7. Axl vs. Eagles of Death Metal (AKA: Axl vs. the Pigeons of Shit Metal)

In 2006, Axl invited a little known band called The Eagles of Death Metal (neither the Eagles nor death metal) out on tour with his band as the opening act. During the very first show while the Eagles were on, the audience started loudly booing them. Later, when Axl took the stage he asked the audience if they enjoyed "the Pigeons of Shit Metal," and then told the crowd that he was kicking them off the tour because they sucked.

There are rumors that new GN'R bassist, Tommy Stinson threw down his bass in response to Axl's comment and that Axl picked it up and threw it at him. (Don't know, can't find a video of it, but Tommy's still in the band, so....)

Another reason EODM singer Jesse Hughs claims for Axl's comment was that earlier that night Jesse referred to Axl's BFF Sebastian Bach as "Savage Animal." He claims a pissed off Sebastian told Axl, who wasn't pleased.

Whatever the reason, The Eagles of Death Metal responded to the firing by releasing a statement where they lamely inserted names of GN'R songs:
“ At first, the audience refused to welcome us to the jungle, but by the time we took our final bow, it had become paradise city. Although Axl tried to November rain on our parade, no sweet child o' mine can derail the EODM night train. We say live and let die.”
Later, GN'R management asked the band to rejoin the tour, but they refused. In the end The Eagles of Death Metal ended up receiving full pay for the whole tour despite only playing one show. Not t0o shabby! Hughs mentioned that after the story broke he received a text message from Dave Grohl: (see #33) ‘Disappointment from Axl is like being knighted.’ Well Dave has a point there.

NOTE: Interestingly, yesterday Jesse Hughs praised Chinese Democracy on Sounds like somebody wants another opening slot chance.

#6. Axl vs. Tommy Hilfiger (AKA: "I don't want it to spill")

You remember this one, right? Two years ago at Rosario Dawson's birthday party at The Plumm nightclub in New York, Axl and Tommy Hilfiger got into a disagreement over a drink . Yes, a drink.

See Axl remembers when he was young and broke and a wasted bottle of Nightrain was a sin. So when it looked like Tommy's girlfriend's beverage of choice was dangling dangerously close to the edge of the table, Axl saved the precious alcohol by moving it over. But The Hilfiger got pissed and yelled, "Don't
"fucking touch her fucking drink!" and took two swings at him.

Surprisingly, Axl didn't hit back. The Plumm owner Noel Ashman said, "Axl was a gentleman and had the good sense not to retaliate as he would have done some serious damage to Hilfiger." Tommy was escorted out of the club and Axl dedicated the song "You're Crazy" to his "good friend Tommy Hilfiger." Kid Rock, also at the party told Axl the whole incident was "totally Detroit!" because Detroit is known for their mean streets and out of control fashion designers.

Once again, to reenact these events, I give you: Some Guy on YouTube:


Happy 2nd Anniversary to Tom and Katie!!!

Hang in there Katie, only seven more years and 364 days to go!

They're real, and they're unspectacular!

Apparently there was recently a rumor that Katy Perry had breast implants. (I didn't hear it either, but then I tend to tune out everything about this annoying bitch.)

Katy set the record straight to The Sun, "They are as real as real can be. One hundred per cent genuine and untouched... well sort of. I would never spend money on fake boobs. Shoes, maybe. A handbag, maybe. But plastic tits - no way!"

So if they were free???


Guy ain't getting a penny!

Madonna has signed on for $10 million to become the "new" face of Louis Vuitton. Madge was recently spotted out with Vuitton designer Marc Jacobs and is a longtime fan of the expensive clothing and accessories.

Another fan of pretentious bags that are worth a lot of money?

Alexander Rodriguez.

Heigl's lovin' it

BREAKING NEWS!!! Katherine Heigl celebrated her 30th birthday last night in Hollywood with a 1920's themed party, but on the way, she stopped at Micky D's for some grub.

According to reports, the Rolls-Royce she was riding in went through a Hollywood drive-through and Katherine was spotted scarfing down a Big MAC in her expensive gown!! Who knew, she always seemed so healthy!

McDonald's later commented to New York Post, "Our food is well-known and well-liked by millions - including talented, world-famous actresses."

No word on who the talented, world-famous actresses are.

Hey, Katherine's old enough to remember this: