Friday, June 6, 2008

Wait what? Who had a baby?

It was announced today that Vin Diesel and his girlfriend, model Paloma Jimenez, had a baby girl back on April 2nd.

Ok, everyone that thought Vin Diesel was gay raise your hand.

Put your hand down Vin.


Buffy 101

Buffy the Vampire Slayer will be the subject of a three-day academic conference at Henderson State University in Little Rock, AK.

Philosophy professor Kevin Durand said on Buffy, "It has staying power. It's like I tell my students in philosophy a lot of times: We're not so much about necessarily finding all the answers as wanting to ask better questions. 'Buffy,' I think, does that. 'Buffy' never really leaves you with nice, pat answers. You have even more questions than when you started."

Other works by creator Joss Whedon will be covered as well. Some topics that will be discussed:"Buffy and Feminism," "Buffy and Identity," "Gender Stereotypes and the Image of Domesticity in 'Firefly,' " " 'Firefly': The Illusive Safety of Big Damn Heroes" and a Durand favorite by a British scholar, "Hero's Journey, Heroine's Return: Buffy, Eurydice and the Orpheus Myth." Strangely,"Buffy and my easy credit," was left off the list.

If I lived in Little Rock, I'd go just for the hot Buffy/Spike episodes!


Rockstar: KISS?

Because they haven't made enough money yet, KISS founding members Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are in talks to launch an "American Idol style" tv show to find four new replacements for KISS so the band can continue on long after they retire.

Manager Doc McGhee said, "I believe that KISS can go on forever. I believe that there is a way - and we are talking to people and we're pretty close to getting it done - about finding the four new members of KISS."

Well, it worked for Menudo.


Asshats of the Week

Every single person who saw this happen and did nothing.

Are we as a society really
here already? If so, that's really fucking depressing.

A disturbing surveillance video showing an elderly man getting hit by a car and then being ignored by bystanders has shocked — and shamed — many in Hartford, Conn.

Angel Arce Torres, 78, was trying to cross the street when a Honda plowed into him, sending him flying and leaving him lying crumpled and bleeding in the middle of the street. The driver of the car did not stop; but, even more disturbingly, passing cars and people on the sidewalk nearby did nothing to help Torres.

As Torres lay in the street, nine cars passed him without stopping. More than 40 seconds went by before anyone even stepped off the sidewalk to get a closer look. But no one went over to Torres' body to try to help or even divert traffic.

Finally, after about a minute and a half, a police car responding to a different call happened upon the scene and an ambulance was called.

The accident occurred last Friday, but Hartford's police chief released the traffic surveillance video on Wednesday, hoping to get information on the hit-and-run driver and make an arrest.

Chief Daryl Roberts also expressed outrage in a news conference Wednesday, saying "we no longer have a moral compass."


Thursday, June 5, 2008

I'm off to find Jesus


Shut up Oprah!

A lot of people are happy that Barack Obama has clinched the Democratic presidential nomination, but few are self-important enough to go and issue a freaking statement about it.

Of course we're talking about Oprah Winfrey.

Oprah said, "
I'm euphoric, I've been doing the happy dance all day. I'm so proud of Barack and [his wife] Michelle Obama and what this means for all of us ... the new possibilities for our country. And if he wants me to, I'm ready to go door to door."


Why did I get a dirty picture in my head when I read the part about Oprah being "euphoric?" Bleck. Thanks a lot Obama.

Now here to demonstrate the aforementioned "happy dance," we bring you Carlton Banks:

Father of the Year

Us Weekly has a story in its latest issue on how everyone's favorite dad Joe Simpson is to blame for Jessica and Tony Romo's split last month.

According to a source, Joe even asked Tony to fire his agent and hire him to take over his $67.5 millon NFL contract! Then he told Tony if he and Jess got engaged, he'd broker the deal to sell the engagement and wedding stories to a magazine "the same that I did with Ashlee."

Joe Simpson defended himself to Us saying, “It’s unfair to criticize me for what every manager does for his or her clients. And in this business, where people can quickly turn on you, who better than a parent to be working for his children?"

Uh, in this case? Lou Pearlman, Heidi Fleiss, The Church of Scientology, any pimp on Sunset Strip, Jeff Archuleta, Satan? Yeah, any of those would be better.

The story also claims that Tony was upset because Jessica's a lush. A "pal" said, "Tony goes out and he will drink socially, but he said Jess takes it to an extreme."

As for the status of their relationship, Jessica and Tony are now in a "middle-of-the-road state" and are "talking."

Britney doesn't love rock n' roll!

Joan Jett has finally commented on Britney Spears' massacre of "I Love Rock N' Roll" back in 2002.

Joan claims to never have actually heard Britney's version, (Here you go Joan, but don't say I didn't warn you.) but that she didn't get it because Britney is not a rocker.

She says,
"I've never even heard Britney's version. I mean, I've obviously heard about it, but I never understood that whole idea. I mean, people usually cover a song that says something about them, but I doubt she loves rock 'n' roll. Maybe she likes songs."

Joan's right. Although Britney in recent years has exhibited more rock 'n' roll behavior than anyone since Ozzy snorted a line of ants, she does not actually love rock 'n' roll. The whole thing was really just a big misunderstanding.

What happened was Britney heard the Weird Al version, "I Love Rocky Road" and agreed to cover the song based on her love of the tasty treat. Which nobody can argue!

The music nerd in me also feels the need to point out that
Joan's version of "I Love Rock N Roll" is a cover as well. The song was originally written and recorded by a band called The Arrows back in 1975.


Here we go again.

Oh Miley. Is anyone else getting tired of all the Miley Cyrus photo scandals? Just after all the hoopla died down from that Vanity Fair photo, here comes a couple new photos for everyone to get all worked up over.

They looked innocent enough, until it was revealed that the guy in the pictures is 22-years old. (Miley's 15--or so they claim. Personally, I think she's 35. It takes some time to develop that whisky and Marlboros voice.)

His name is Marshall and he is one of Miley's backup dancers. Hmm, back-up dancer. Where have we heard this one before?

I'm sure she's still a virgin Billy Ray!


Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Low ratings? Pay people to watch!

This past Monday Vince McMahon announced on WWE Raw that beginning next week he would give away one million dollars to viewers during the live program every Monday. He even more or less said it was a desperate attempt to try to gain more viewers. Hey, at least he's honest! To register, go to

Vince referred to the money as "his own" but it turns out he's giving away the rest of the "Hulk Hogan Special Appearance Account" now that Hulk's family is such a hot mess the WWE is afraid they'll bring down the class level. Ok, that's speculation.

Where in the world is Kurt Cobain?

Courtney Love is reportedly "suicidal" after Kurt Cobain's ashes were stolen from her home in LA after a break-in last month.

She kept Kurt's ashes, along with a lock of his hair in a pink bag shaped like a teddy bear.

Courtney said,
"I can't believe anyone would take Kurt's ashes from me. I find it disgusting right now I'm suicidal. If I don't get them back I don't know what I'll do. They were all I had left of my husband. I used to take them everywhere with me just so I could feel Kurt was still with me. Now it feels like I have lost him all over again."

So when she says suicidal, does she mean she would kill herself or that she would make it look like she killed herself?

So far, no sign of Kurt's ashes on ebay.


Geez, Madonna picked the wrong kid.

Madonna's adoption of David Banda was finally finalized last week so you would think that would be the end of the nearly two-year drama.

Nope. Little David's biological father, Yohane Banda has now decided that he wants to fight for visitation rights to the child. A little late, no?

Yohane claims government officials promised him access his son every three to four years as part of the adoption arrangement and he is now looking into his legal rights to see the child.

He said, "I love the boy and it was in his best interests to put him in the orphanage. Because I support the adoption I would not want to put up a challenge that would reverse it, but I might challenge some aspects of the order. I am discussing with my family about following up on having access to the child. We will not leave things the way they are - we will do something about it."

What is with this guy? He's the most wishy-washy deadbeat dad ever! I think he's starting to realize that Madonna is rich and he missed out on getting something out of the deal. Madonna should just let him live in the mansion. I'm sure she can find a job for him. Maybe he can be a backup dancer or something. And they can make a reality show out of their life together and call it "All in the Malawian Family." And who knows? There's all those rumors about things with Guy seeming to be strained, so maybe the two of them can hook up.


Young Hillary Clinton

So everybody is wondering why Hillary still has not bowed out of the race for the Democratic Party's nomination even though she lost.

This video may explain things:

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Who the hell asked your skanky ass?

Tila Tequila recently gave Lindsay Lohan some advice on coming out via Usmagazine. "I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine. Just go all out with it! If you’re going to do something, do it all out."

Ok, so Tila, why don't you practice what you preach? Everybody knows that your stupid reality dating show is a sham and that you have a longterm boyfriend so why don't you just come out with that? And also that you are talentless famewhore skank? You know, just go all out with it!


For a good time call...

So Cameron Diaz has been having some fun lately.

First she hooked up with Diddy at a party at Prince's house. It all started when Cameron was seen spoon-feeding Diddy bread pudding. Yeah, bread pudding. At Prince's house. Are you imagining little purple dessert bowls too? Anyway, then they went into the basement together and got it on. Allegedly.

But Diddy's old news now. Two days later Cameron was spotted looking "really" flirty with model Paul Sculfor (he dated Jennifer Aniston last year) at a restaurant in Santa Monica. They left together after two hours.

Cam recently said, "People think if you're single, you are incomplete. No. The thing is, I don't want to be in a relationship that makes me incomplete."

Hey Cam, it's nice to have a good time and all, but maybe you should keep your hook-ups a little more on the downlow or people are going to start thinking you're a complete slut.



What the F is going on?

Ok, what the hell is going on? All the news lately has been so depressing these past few days. We lost some legends: Yves Saint-Laurent, Bo Diddley, Harvey Korman. Then yesterday Tatum O'Neal was arrested for buying crack and Kelsey Grammar had a heart attack. I won't even bring up Clay Aiken procreating again!

Geez, what else?

And you can't even escape for a couple hours by watching tv because the only shows on are
Living off Lindsay Lohan and a shit-eating pig on Denise Richards: It's not really that Complicated , I'm just a has-been slut (and I'm not talking about her pets.)

I need to laugh? Can anybody please make me laugh?

Thank you!