Thursday, October 18, 2007

Three's Company

Check out this bizarre little gem of a picture. It's a rear shot of Jessica Biel, Timeberfuck (green shirt), and her (lady) friend at a Packers Football game.

Can you really blame Jess though? She probably liked having a real man handle her shit.


Oh Britney......

TMZ reports that L.A. County Commissioner Scott Gordon issued an order yesterday suspending all Britney's visitation rights until she complies with all court orders.

This came about after K-Fed's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, went to court yesterday for an emergency hearing.

Britney will now have to wait until her next court date of October 26.

What will she do now? Yeah, probably go to Starbucks.

Seriously, will somebody help her??

Suri is a spoiled little alien!

A friend of TomKat (probably not anymore) recently told US magazine that they spoil the shit out of little Suri.

"Suri pretty much does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. If she fusses before bed, they let her stay up later. If they want her to go swimming and she cries, they'll take her out. If she whines about food, they'll ask her what else she wants to eat. They always want to please her."

Well duh, how else to do treat the future leader of the Galactic Marcab Confederation?



The website recently conducted a poll of the sexiest stripteases in movie history. The top spot went to Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies. Kim Basinger's "trememdous sex appeal" in 91/2 Weeks scored the second spot, and Salma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn came in third Runners-up included Elisha Cuthbert in The Girl Next Year, Natalie Portman in Closer, and Demi Moore in Striptease.

HELLO?!!! How can you have a list of the sexiest stripteases in film and leave out the epitome of awesomeness and elegance, Nomi Malone? I mean really!


Wednesday, October 17, 2007

When asshats play dress-up

It's not even Halloween yet but some stars are already getting into the spirit.

Ashley Simpson celebrated her 23rd birthday by having an 80's Prom themed party. Here's Ash and her boyfriend Pete Wentz in their craptastic costumes. Ashley got the hair all wrong and Pete looks like Shades from Teen Wolf.

Jessica nailed the 80's pornstar look!! She's even got the facial expression!

Here's Tori Spelling and whathisname filming a scene for that show about their inn that nobody watches. They're doing a 20's murder mystery episode or something. Whatshisname totally did it, he looks scary!

Even Brit got into the spirit of the season...oh wait, scratch that, she's just being Britney.

Fiddy's a method actor

There was some trouble on the set of the new movie Righteous Kill when Curtis Jackson, a.k.a. 50 Cent, attacked co-star Frank John Hughes (I imdb'd him so you don't have to. He's a bit actor who has been on the Sopranos, Law & Order, etc).

The two allegedly got into a "heated argument" after Hughes after he accused Fiddy of not knowing his lines which escalated into a full on beatdown. The paramedics were even called.

According to an on-set source, "Frank tried to correct (50 Cent) and he got really upset... Before it was all over (50 Cent) had Frank on the ground pummeling him. The paramedics looked at Frank and he's OK. It's everyone else here that's still shaken up... No one is trying to get on (50 Cent's) bad side." Wow good idea there Einstein!

Righteous Kill
also stars Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro. Those guys were probably all "Fucking Amateurs" and rolling their eyes (and in Pacino's case, slamming his fist on the table).


Pete and Amy to record (crack) hit song!

In a match made in junkie heaven, Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty have collaborated on a new trackmark--err, I mean track!! Pete's band Babyshambles' guitarist Mik Whitnall has revealed that Amy recorded with the band last week. The name of the rumored song is 1939 Returning.

Pete previously discussed the potential duet in an in an interview that will be aired tonight on XFM. On the trackmarr---TRACK with Amy, he said "I'm going to try and get Miss Winehouse to help me with it hopefully." Amy's husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, was sitting on the interview and corrected Pete by saying "Mrs!"

Oh Blake, back off, can't you see these two were meant to be!

By the way Pete is still claiming to be sober. I know!!


Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Donald Trump says Clooney is "short" and St. Angelina is "no beauty"

Oh no Donald Trump!! You haven't been in the news for awhile so what are you going to do?

Insult Rosie O'Donnell? Again?

Nah, beyond played out.

Talk about the new season of the number 1 hit show The Apprentice?

Oh, wait. Never mind that one too.

Get into another fictional feud with Vince McMahon and make wrestling fans suffer through it for months?

For the love of Snitsky, fuck no!!

Uh, ok. How about insult a couple random big celebrities for no reason?


Donald Trump has recently declared himself an expert on beauty and sorry George Clooney and Saint Angelina, you guys don't make the cut.

Trump recently told Larry King, "One of the perceptions I had of George Clooney was he was this big, strong guy. And he was very little when I met him."

On Angelina he had this to say: "Angelina Jolie is sort of amazing because everyone thinks she's like this great beauty. And I'm not saying she's an unattractive woman, but she's not beauty, by any stretch of the imagination. I really understand beauty. And I will tell you, she's not - I do own Miss. Universe. I do own Miss USA. I mean I own a lot of different things. I do understand beauty, and she's not."

Hey Donald, I do own a muzzle. I do own duct tape. I understand relevance, and you are not.

By the way, has anyone checked in on George and Angelina to make sure they are not on suicide watch?


(Yeah, I realize I sorta, almost, kinda defended Saint Angelina. Mark today's date, because it won't happen again anytime soon.)

Meanwhile, Trump's first ex-wife Ivanna (58) will marry 35-year-old dancer and model Rossano Rubicondi. The couple is planning to wed at Donald Trump's Florida estate. Ivana told the New York Daily News, "I feel great. We've been together five years."

Now I ain't sayin' he's a gold digger.

A Zigga-Zig-Bra

The Spice Girls will release their Greatest Hits (hits?) album exclusively through Victoria's Secret. The album, which comes out on Nov. 13th, will not be available for purchase at retail music stores (are there even any of those left?), however it will be available for download at iTunes and other music sites.

The album will feature 13 of their biggest hits (I dare you to name more than three), plus two new songs called "Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)" and "Voodoo."

The group will also perform during the annual Victoria's Secret fashion show.

You know they're gonna play that shit on a loop. I feel sorry for their employees. Just remember ladies, Victoria's Secret = earplugs.


Welcome Back Lindsay! (this is where we build them up after kicking them when they're down)

Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab, sober (?), and in Los Angeles to continue shooting her movie Dare to Love Me. That's the one she was taking the tango lessons for.

Her mom Dina tole PEOPLE, "Lindsay is very happy and her life is back in control." Hey Dina, keep your famewhore ass away from her and maybe she'll stay that way!

In other Lindsay news, she recently filed a countersuit against Raymundo Ortega, the man who is currently suing her over a car accident in West Hollywood in 2005. Lindsay claims it was Raymundo and not her that was negligent when her Mercedes-Benz crashed into his van.

George likes the booze

Hey dudes, shy with the ladies?

Wanna score like Clooney?

Well, let's be realistic here, you won't. But wait!! Step away from that Xbox, George has some advice to boost your confidence: BOOZE!!! He says he was too nervous to approach women when he was younger, but drinking has helped him be more a confident flirt. Yeah, it's all the alcohol George...

George says, "I was very awkward with the opposite sex when I was younger. I think every kid is for a long period of time. The only time it changes is when alcohol comes into play, that's what happened with me. Alcohol helps a lot with women, it smooths things over."

Coincidentally, studies have found that the more alcohol a woman drinks, the more the man will look like George Clooney.


Book me baby

Until we get the mugshot, here's a lovely photo of Britney taken yesterday

Britney Spears turned herself into police last night to be booked for her parking lot hit-and-run back on August 6th.

TMZ quotes a representative of the LAPD: "at approximately 9:25 PM Miss Britney Spears checked into the Van Nuys County Jail for a court ordered booking. She was put through standard booking procedures which included booking photographs, fingerprinting and collection of information. Britney was at all time cooperative in the process. She was there approximately 45 minutes."

Brit was never put in a holding cell and officers said she was polite. She also chose to go in the front door rather than the back entrance the cops offered her (insert you own joke here).

Britney was charged with one count of hit and run causing property damage and one count of driving without a valid California license. Each misdemeanor charge carries a maximum sentence of six months in jail.