Rock of Fake

The Rock of Love reunion airs this Sunday on VH1, but just in case anyone was wondering if Bret and Hombre are still (or were ever) together, it's pretty safe to assume from her latest MySpace post that they aren't. She's even denying that she slept with him at all:

Hey guys! Well, I was so fearful of the finale and how it was all going to be edited. While I watched the finale, I relived all of those emotions I experienced in Cancun. I cried, I got mad and I cried again....especially at the end. I actually thought VH1 edited the show beautifully. They edited it pretty much exactly how it went down, specifically regarding the dialogue between Daisy and I. So, what you saw was what really happened.

Here's a question I get a lot: "Did you sleep with Bret?" Well, listen, sometimes you gotta make things look more intimate. When the cameras were gone, I'm not gonna lie, I totally made out with him. I mean, can you blame a girl?? We had fun! But, we also talked a lot and he told me these hilarious stories...Bret is just too dang funny. We spent quality time together which when all the cameras are gone....is just nice. Did I spend the night? No. I wanted him to be rested for his date the next day and I actually thought I was going to see him again before elimination, so I left. If you watch the footage, take a look at my hair & makeup when we're saying goodbye. It's just a little 2 perfect for a night of hot, passionate sex. Wish I could give you more seedy details....but that was it.

Another question I get a lot: "Are you mad at Daisy?" ok at the time I was very hurt but so was she. We were in a very intense situation and we handled the stress in different ways. We talked after the reunion show and hopefully we can move on....I'm def willing to.

"How did I feel when he asked me to be his Rock of Love?" elated, relieved, happy, tearful, faint....haha. You name it and I felt it. I was so happy I just can't articulate exactly how I felt. I think you can see in the footage that I was overwhelmed with emotion and truly happy. I will always cherish that moment. OH! Something that you guys didn't see. At the end, he gave me a present. It's a necklace with a beautiful dark silver cross pendant with black and white diamonds....gorgeous!

Well, I think that's it. Stay tuned for another blog after the reunion show airs....I'll talk more about things that happened as well as Bret and I.

Luv ya guys!

xoxo

Ambre

Other things I learned from Ambre's Myspace : Ambre has a straight-to-DVD horror movie coming out soon where you can choose whether or not she gets killed and she lists her age as 99 years old. Way to finally be honest Ambre! Now just freaking spell your name right!

Cruz Beckham Status:

Still pissed off. Stay out of his way muthafucka.

Another Dancing With the Stars hookup?

First Karina and Mario, then Sabrina and Mark, then Cheryl and Drew, then Karina and another Mario, now Shannon and Derek.

Is there Spanish Fly in the spray tanner?

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Wow, everybody's bird crazy lately

Flippin' bird crazy that is!

Those two just need to fuck and get it over with.

I believe the children are the future.....

Future best couple EVER!: Cruz Beckham and Zahara Jolie-Pitt!

Well of course this was coming

The NY Post reports that America's favorite couple are pitching a reality show to MTV!! The show will revolve around Heidi and Spencer planning the wedding of the century-THEIRS!! Bor-ing. Wedding reality shows are so overdone. Now a Heidi and Spencer Variety Hour, I'm totally down for that. They could be just like Sonny and Cher! Nick and Jessica tried it and failed, but I think Heidi and Spencer can pull it off.

Oh well, here's some inspiration for their first dance:




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"Only time will tell..."

We don't need any time to tell us that Ashlee Simpson is milking this stupid "is she or isn't she pregnant" thing for all it's worth. She was on the Today Show this morning to promote her new album...oooohhhh, now I understand...

When asked if she was pregnant Ashlee responded, "That's been going around for a year now," she replied. "Only time will tell with that. I am giving birth to my new record."

The album is out next Tuesday, hopefully we'll stop freaking hearing about it then.

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Hey Madge, you missed a spot!

First Miley and Mandy remade (with choreography and a crew and everything)Madonna and Timberfuck's 4 Minutes video.

Now Madonna, who's apparently really bored, has posted a response telling everyone who is making YouTubes to her song, to "FUCK OFF!" Ok, she actually says "keep up the good work, but clean up afterwards", but Fuck Off would have been so much better. It's actually pretty funny to see her vacuuming in a designer gown and bling:



Yay, she's half-British again!!!


Madonna also has a message for Perez Hilton where she asks him to make a decision between her and "Teddy" who is either a dog or some gay guy with a back problem. Either way, I'd probably chose Teddy.:

Martha Stewart is one creepyass bitch

As you may have heard, Martha Stewart's beloved dog Paw Paw took his walk over the Rainbow Bridge recently. To mourn him, Martha posted photos of his last day on her blog, complete with descriptions of the pachysandra, crocus, and greening grass, because you know, it's Martha.

Martha also creepily accompanies each photo of Paw Paw getting closer and closer to death with her own narrative--by Paw Paw. "Paw Paw" tells us how tired he is getting, how he doesn't want to eat anymore, and how much he'll miss Martha's hugs and kisses. He even tells us all about his last pee. I'm not shitting you and it's even creepier with the pictures. See for yourself!

Speaking of pictures, in case you're wondering what's in that beautifully wrapped package in Martha Stewart Living (well not in this case) linens above, it's Paw Paw right before his burial. Bitch couldn't spring for a doggie coffin? Martha also updated the site with a photo of Paw Paw's grave with the promise that she will make it more beautiful in the coming days. Well of course she will!

So not to leave you with that fucking morbid image of a giftwrapped dead dog, Asshat Hollywood has obtained the following photo of where Paw Paw is now, complete with a message from Paw Paw himself:


I am finally free!! This heaven place is great! Hey Jesus, don't let that bitch in here!

Latest YouTube Sensation!

In case you haven't heard of Tricia Walsh Smith yet, you will. She's the crazy bitch who made a YouTube video after her bad, mean, husband filed for divorce and evicted her from their London flat. And she rules. She kind of resembles Pamela Anderson but with an English accent, smaller boobs, and CRAZY EYES!! Check it out, but grab a bottle of booze first and take a drink everytime she says "Con---DOM."

Bye Bye Kristy

Last night on American Idol, Kristy Lee Cook was voted off. A lot of people are really happy about this (not Vote For the Worst though), but I was hoping it would be Brooke "Closer to psycho every week!" White so we'd get to see Kristy attempt an Andrew Lloyd Webber song next week (Now we'll never hear the hoe-down rendition of "Don't Cry For Me Y'all Argentina"). I'd be lying if I said she didn't grow on me though. She's been a pretty good sport and her singout last night kicked ass.

That guy still won't give her back her horse though. When reached for comment the horse said, "Thanks a lot bitch, thanks to you, I'm off to the glue factory!"

Poor Kristy.

MARIAH CAREY WEEK ACTUALLY DIDN"T SUCK THAT MUCH!

MOST AWESOME PERFORMANCE:



This one's a three-way tie between celebrity mentor Mariah Carey, American Idol, and my boy David Cook.

Mariah because she actually did a really good job mentoring, which shocked me just like J-Lo did last year. She's also awesome because she manages to hold that pose throughout every contestant session and interview. I think it's because her ensemble's a couple sizes too small and she is afraid it's going to rip if she moves.

American Idol because they didn't exploit the hell out of David Cook's cancer-stricken brother being in the audience (I was waiting for the words "David's Brother (who has BRAIN CANCER!!) and Sister-in-Law") to appear at the bottom of the screen. But then again, there's always tonight's results show to milk that shit.

And finally, David himself who more than totally redeemed himself from last week's hand-writing monstrosity with this freakin' cool-ass (and ORIGINAL- take that!) cover of "Always Be My Baby". God I want this dude! Oh and then the crying.....Listen up Lacey, if you break his heart, I'll rip out your smelly extensions one by one! Just remember that!


NOW THAT EVERYONE'S CRYING:

Here's Jason singing "I Don't Want to Cry." They so did that on purpose! This was actually my second favorite of the night. Very cool arrangement. Good job Spazzy Stonerboy! And we also learned they don't have luats in England.


I COULDN'T GET PAST THE LEATHER PANTS:

Archie in leather pants is almost as creepy as the dancing 8 eight year olds on Dancing With the Stars.

Speaking of kids, to moms everywhere that would like a solution to their babies crying, check this out!


GOING HOME:

Performing next at the 8th Grade Talent show--little Brooke White!! God, this performance would make coffee nervous. It's time Brooke.


POSSIBLY GOING HOME:

Carly actually looked great and I thought she did a nice job but she didn't get the praise from the judges. Well, she had a lot to live up to with that song. First this, then this, then this.


WON'T GO HOME YET:

Not horrible, she fit it to suit her, but it made me think of that dumb bitch on The Bachelor.


THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO:

Sorry Syesha, you aren't one of the chosen ones. It doesn't matter how many glory notes you hit or how well you sing songs about boning other women's men, you won't get better than "that was very good."

It's always the nanny

In case you haven't heard, Rob Lowe's got some nanny trouble.

It all started last week when Rob wrote on the Huffington Post that: "a former employee is demanding my wife, Sheryl, and I pay her 1.5 million dollars by the end of the week or she will accuse us both of a vicious laundry list of false terribles." He then preemptively filed a lawsuit against his nanny, 24 year old Jessica Gibson, along with two other former employees, for breach of confidentiality agreements and for spreading lies about the couple.

Now Jessica has pulled out the big guns (not Rob's-he did that himself. allegedly), hiring Gloria Allred and filing her own lawsuit against Rob and his wife Sheryl, accusing them of sexual harassment. She claims in the suit, that there were several instances from September 2005 through January 2008 (she worked for the couple for seven years)in which Rob exposed himself and inappropriately touched her, placing his hands inside her pants. You can read the court docs HERE.

Um, maybe it's just me, but if I was being sexually harassed by my rich celebrity (with a history of sex addiction!) employer, I sure as hell wouldn't wait over two years to sue his ass! Why all this time Jessica?

Let's find out from Jessica herself:



"Ummmmmm." Wow, thanks for clearing up that this is actually a case of a threesome gone bad!


THIS JUST IN: Jessica Gibson has filed a lawsuit against Gloria Allred claiming Gloria inappropriately touched her on April 15th during her Today Show appearance.

AND IN RELATED ROB LOWE NEWS: Rob has preemptively filed a lawsuit against Snow White, claiming that she is also set to accuse him of a vicious laundry list of false terribles, mainly this.

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Just what we need! Another Hollywood spoiled brat!

A source has confirmed to Usmagazine.com that Ashlee Simpson is pregnant. No comment from Ashlee or Pete Wentz, but it could be true seeing how they announced their engagement last week.

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UPDATE - Pete and Ashlee have both denied the baby rumor. Expect to see a bump in a month or so.

AMBRET!

So Bret chose age over beauty last night on the finale of Rock of Love 2 when he made Amber---I mean Ambre, his tv girlfriend and sent Daisy flying home from Mexico. (She actually flew herself by flapping her arms up and down--pretty impressive!)

Speaking of the lovely and eloquent Daisy, Metal Sludge has put up part two of their interview with her and it's even better than part one! She gets in some good digs at Bret, but she's very classy and always knows when to hold back (especially when talking about her beautiful lips).

Metal Sludge: What was the grossest thing that any of the other girls did during filming that we didn’t get to see?
Daisy: Ok seriously I shared a room with Destiny, Jessica, and Meghan. And Destiny liked to go to the bathroom in front of everyone in our room.

MS: Which number?
D: All!

MS: All? (laughing)
D: All of the above and that to me was (pause) that was really disgusting to me. Because I like my privacy and she was definitely very (pause) the exhibitionist.

MS: So that was the grossest thing, her shitting in front of people.
D: Yeah.

MS: What was the grossest thing Bret did?
D: (laughing) Took his bandanna off.

MS: So what do you have to say about people saying you sound like you have a dick in your mouth, or that Bret should pick Big John cause you’re all nuts?
D: That’s why I got my lips done, because I wanted dicks in my mouth.

MS: (laughter erupts)

D: I have nice DSL’s (dick sucking lips), dick pillows, whatever. And I guess I was just practicing then, if that’s what it sounds like. I guess I’m always practicing, always trying to better my dick sucking skills.

As far as Bret picking Big John over (pause) you know I am crazy. I’m not gonna lie you know I’m definitely (pause) crazy but that’s okay.

I think he could’ve already picked Big John many times. It’s not fair because Big John is always there, so he should give somebody else a chance.

MS: Have you ever been with Bret in a hot tub or shower, and if his hair gets wet does it smell like a horse hair blanket?
D: Yes. (laughter)

For the entire interview (more on poop, plus drugs and dildos) click HERE!

Can't wait until the reunion!! Here's a clip of the Heather/Daisy smackdown!: