MARIAH CAREY WEEK ACTUALLY DIDN"T SUCK THAT MUCH!

MOST AWESOME PERFORMANCE:



This one's a three-way tie between celebrity mentor Mariah Carey, American Idol, and my boy David Cook.

Mariah because she actually did a really good job mentoring, which shocked me just like J-Lo did last year. She's also awesome because she manages to hold that pose throughout every contestant session and interview. I think it's because her ensemble's a couple sizes too small and she is afraid it's going to rip if she moves.

American Idol because they didn't exploit the hell out of David Cook's cancer-stricken brother being in the audience (I was waiting for the words "David's Brother (who has BRAIN CANCER!!) and Sister-in-Law") to appear at the bottom of the screen. But then again, there's always tonight's results show to milk that shit.

And finally, David himself who more than totally redeemed himself from last week's hand-writing monstrosity with this freakin' cool-ass (and ORIGINAL- take that!) cover of "Always Be My Baby". God I want this dude! Oh and then the crying.....Listen up Lacey, if you break his heart, I'll rip out your smelly extensions one by one! Just remember that!


NOW THAT EVERYONE'S CRYING:

Here's Jason singing "I Don't Want to Cry." They so did that on purpose! This was actually my second favorite of the night. Very cool arrangement. Good job Spazzy Stonerboy! And we also learned they don't have luats in England.


I COULDN'T GET PAST THE LEATHER PANTS:

Archie in leather pants is almost as creepy as the dancing 8 eight year olds on Dancing With the Stars.

Speaking of kids, to moms everywhere that would like a solution to their babies crying, check this out!


GOING HOME:

Performing next at the 8th Grade Talent show--little Brooke White!! God, this performance would make coffee nervous. It's time Brooke.


POSSIBLY GOING HOME:

Carly actually looked great and I thought she did a nice job but she didn't get the praise from the judges. Well, she had a lot to live up to with that song. First this, then this, then this.


WON'T GO HOME YET:

Not horrible, she fit it to suit her, but it made me think of that dumb bitch on The Bachelor.


THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO:

Sorry Syesha, you aren't one of the chosen ones. It doesn't matter how many glory notes you hit or how well you sing songs about boning other women's men, you won't get better than "that was very good."