Here's one for all the TwitterTwats out there (I'm talking to you John Mayer):
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Asshat Idol - Top 10- Motown Week
It's too bad that everyone was pretty good last night on American Idol. Not really any trainwrecks, well unless you count Paula.
Oh Paula, don't you know you're supposed to live above the influence?
MOST AWESOME PERFORMANCE:
It's a tie -
&
Congrats to Allison for kicking everyone in the face for that bottom three bullshit last week and to Adam for continuing to be the most interesting contestant this show has ever had. If there is any justice in the world these will be the final 2.
MOST AWESOMELY AWFUL PERFORMANCE:
Not as awesomely awful as her past performances, but still pretty bad. But fun. Megan may be in trouble though, so she cawled upon her fans to vote! Hopefully they did enough to keep her beautiful feathered head around another week.
DOUCHE ALERT!:
Danny Gookey decided that he didn't need to listen to Smokey Robinson's advice because he's too much of a douche. Hopefully this will piss everyone off and the pimping will finally stop.
NOW AUDITIONING FOR DREAMGIRLS 2:
EVERYONE ELSE:
Bottom 3 predictions: Oil Rig guy (what the hell is his name?), Blind Scott, and Megan (NOOO!)
Jennifer #1 Sexiest Woman in Hollywood?
Jennifer Aniston has topped Details Magazine's new list of Hollywood's Sexiest Women.
The top five is:
1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Megan Fox
3. Gisele Bundchen
4. Frieda Pinto
5. Kim Kardashian
1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Megan Fox
3. Gisele Bundchen
4. Frieda Pinto
5. Kim Kardashian
Hmmm, no Angie?
Very funny Jen!
SOURCE
Hey, remember Jamie Lynn Spears?
Britney's sister has reportedly called off her wedding to babydaddy Casey Aldridge. However, despite rumors of infidelity in the relationship, the couple is still together.
A source told OK! magazine, "The wedding’s off. They are still in love, living together and very happy, but they have no plans to get married. Jamie Lynn has everything she wants and feels no need for a ring and piece of paper."
The source also added that Jamie Lynn is going to quite showbusiness once and focus on being a mother: "She has told friends and family she’s never coming back to Hollywood. She feels that part of her life is over. Jamie Lynn enjoyed every minute of doing Zoey, but since she’s had Maddie, her life has changed completely. She's happy being a real hands-on Southern mother and hopes to continue that for years to come with Casey right by her side. Jamie Lynn knows she needs to make a living when she grows older, so she’s already discussing her career options with advisers. She wants Maddie to grow up in comfort."
Career options = look for Jamie working the register at the local Piggly Wiggly. Good for her!
Ok, so that's one down......
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen, your next American Idol
So the damn President decided he's going to make some damn speech tonight which means no American Idol until tomorrow night. BOOOO!!! Damn issues and shit.
However if you're jonsing for another outrageous Adam Glambert performance, you don't have to wait until tomorrow. This one's everything you'd expect it to be, and then some. And then some more:
"Put it in me Scott!"
You know tv's getting pretty bad when you talk more about the commercials than actual shows.
About a week ago, I mentioned that fucked up cell phone commercial with the pigs eating a pig but Quiznos new commercial for their new foot long torpedo tops that. Let's watch the adventures of curious Scott and the hot slut known as Mr. Toaster.
Damn, anybody got a ciggie? I do feel a little gypped out of money shot though. You know there was a version of that commercial with mayo shooting out of the torpedo.
However, still, not better than this one:
Quiznos is so whacked, I want to get a job in their advertising department.
John Mayer is a TwitterTwat
So Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up. Again.
The latest rumor is that Jenn dumped John because he was too obsessed with Twitter (STILL DON'T GET THAT SHIT!)
A source told U.K. magazine Star, "Jen was fuming. There he was, telling her he didn’t have time for her and yet his page was filled with updates! Every few hours, sometimes minutes, he’d update with some stupid line. She was like, ‘He has time for all this Twittering, but he can’t send me a text, an email, make a call?’ He didn’t deny it. He knew he was avoiding her. So when she ended things, he just said OK, and he was sorry it didn’t work out.”
You can read John Mayer's Twitter here. Here are a few examples of John's twats:
the man is dressed in a teal polo shirt and is eating an ice cream cone by way of cocking his head to one side and spinning across tongue.
We know 'fight or flight' but in a civilized society we rely more on "posture" and "submit." It's a psychic war. When 2 rise, when 2 give in
Seriously, let me get the spread gun. You're better than me and I need it. There it is... hold on, let me... DICK!!
Today, let's get out there with 30 lives!! UP UP DOWN DOWN B A B A SELECT START!!!! Let's go people!! Let me get the spread gun, please.
This crap reminds of that kid in high school (everybody had one) that always made such an effort to so bizarre and eclectic by writing random shit like Sonic Youth lyrics on their book covers or the chalkboard but you could tell they were trying way too hard and were actually just a total attention whore.
By the way John, it's UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A SELECT START dumbass!
SOURCE
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