American Music Awards

Last night were the American Music Awards. I don't normally watch them, but there was apparently a rumor that our leader would finally be appearing before us and it seemed like an actual possibility. So I armed myself with a bottle of Merlot and decided to watch it instead of my other television option, WWE Survivor Series (which I figured would suck since the most awesome wrestler ever, my beloved Edge, has been gone for the past three months).

Although throughout the night, host Jimmy Kimmel made references to a "surprise guest," it wasn't Mr. Rose. We did get braids, but they belonged to Alicia Keys, who closed the show performing with Queen Latifah as special guest #1 (some "surprise", they kept showing her in the audience!) and some opera singer.



Though that was a letdown, it was nice to see somebody actually singing and playing an instrument instead of singing three lines and dancing to backup singers/taped vocals because that's what the show mainly consisted of.

Even Christina followed the theme of the evening with her opening number:


I will admit though, every time I see Beyonce do this performance it memorizes me and I sit and watch the entire thing:


Then I go on YouTube and watch other people do it. Then I watch the original routine that was the inspiration. Then I do it in front of my bathroom mirror. Then I shoot myself.

Speaking of suicidal (or is that homicidal):


Seriously sweetie, no man is worth that, let alone a Jonas brother. And why no reaction shot? They weren't afraid to get one after every recycled Russell Brand joke Jimmy Kimmel attempted:



So then Kanye said he wanted to be Elvis:


And this was the result:


Here's Scott Weiland introducing Pink who will be performing a song called "Sober." Oh the irony:


And Pink rocked that shit:



The most awesome person in the world, David Cook gets stuck doing the pre-show and then got cut for a commercial:


But they had enough time for this garbage:

Can those other girls even sing?

IT'S MILEY!



Didn't get it then:

Crotchgrabs? Ewww.

And don't get it now:

Thank god for alcohol.

Meanwhile, on Survivor Series:


Yup.

Great Moments in Axl History #4-1!

We're in the homestretch homefucks!!!

#4. Goodbye (for now) old band.



What many fans were dreading was finally confirmed back in 1996 when Slash and Duff, the last two original members (besides Axl) of Guns N' Roses quit the band and left Axl with nothing but the name. Axl promised to have a new album (with an all new band) the following summer (that would be 1997). Well, we all know how that went.

In the meantime Slash, Duff, and drummer Matt Sorum joined up with Scott Weiland (good choice after spending so many years with a volatile singer!) and formed Velvet Revolver in 2003. They released two albums with some success. Then, in a familiar story, personalities clashed with their singer and soon Scott was out just in time for a Stone Temple Pilots reunion. This left the three members again looking for a new frontman. Many names flew around, including Lenny Kravitz, but before that happened, the band was dropped from their record label.

Axl finally got around to releasing that album.

Of course everyone wants a reunion of the original band, but as of now, it doesn't seem like that's going to happen (especially if Slash hears a song called "Sorry"), but never say never. After all, Chinese Democracy has been released! So anything is possible!

Until then, we'll always have memories like this:


#3. GIMME SOME REGGAE!!!



I wonder whatever happened to Tracy and Roberta.


#2. "Thanks to the lame ass security, I'm going home!"

It was the perfect moment. GN'R, the best song of all time:"Rocket Queen", a dead Muppet, and the TIGHTY WHITEY BOOTY SHORTS. But then something happened.



Axl was later arrested for the incident and who was there to get the first interview when he was released from court? Duh!



Wanna know why Axl hasn't commented on Chinese Democracy? Nobody asked Kurt Loder to interview him.

#1. It really happened:



What the hell are you still doing here? Get your ass to Best Buy!! (and don't forget to get your free Dr. Pepper) Axl will be pleased.

FOR THE LAST TIME, THIS HAS BEEN GREAT MOMENTS IN AXL HISTORY.

(See you again in about fifteen years for the next batch.)

Alright, that sucked!