Thursday, July 24, 2008

Michael Lohan is not allowed at Lindsay's wedding

Lindsay Lohan has reportedly banned her father from attending a party she and girlfriend Samantha Ronson are throwing at Hollywood's Peninsula Hotel on August 8th for "their closest friends and family." Hmmm, wonder what kind of party this is.

Lindsay allegedly even hired extra security to make sure only people on the guest list are let in. The reason she doesn't want Michael there is because he doesn't approve of Lindsay and Sam's relationship. A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "Michael thinks Lindsay is just going through another phase and that she will end up getting hurt. He thinks it is embarrassing."

Are you listening E!? Why not follow Lindsay's lead and ban Dina from your airwaves?


You have got to be fucking kidding


Ok, this really pissed me off. Are you ready?

MTV is remaking
The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

And the executive producer of the original 1975 movie, Lou Adler, is giving it his blessing by overseeing the remake! He says he hopes the movie will be ready in time for Halloween next year.

Can somebody please flip the Medusa switch and turn everyone involved in this into statues and then just forget this even happened? Seriously, where's Tim Curry?

This is so not cool.


One freaking dollar??

Damn, Obama's kind of a cheapass!

Barack and his wife gave an interview to PEOPLE where they talk about their family and life at home with their two daughters, 10-year old Malia and Sasha, 7.

In the interview, Barack reveals that Malia's allowance is only $1.00 a week. And he's past due on payments!

Here's the excerpt:
Do you give your girls an allowance?

Michelle: Sorta, kinda. [Laughs]

Barack: I'm out of town all the time, so Malia will say, "Hey, you owe me 10 weeks!" ... Originally, we were giving her a dollar a week as long as she did all her chores. It turns out that she's been doing her chores even without prompting from the allowance, which makes me feel guilty that she's been carrying on her end of the bargain and I haven't been as consistent.

Maybe this is what we need for our suffering economy. At least we know he won't overspend tax dollars. Or does this mean he's in favor of illegal aliens?

Because we are a non-partisan site and believe in equal-opportunity political snark, here is a clip of John McCain squirming uncomfortably while trying to skirt the issue when asked what he thought of the opinion that it is unfair that insurance companies cover Viagra, but not birth control:

Crikey, that's creepy!

I know if I were a 10 year old girl, I'd want nothing more on my birthday than to eat my dead father's face.

That shit's a perfect candidate for this awesome website.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Wonder what Natalie Portman has been doing lately?

Well besides what appears to be the dude Sarah leaves her boyfriend for in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, not really that much. Unless you count starring in her boyfriend's Bollywoodesque music video.

At least, I hope that's a music video I'm watching and not an acid flashback.

Because it's never too early to teach your children about smoking

As in "how to."

They should give Brit her own TRUTH commercial.

Happy Birthday Slash!

Guitar hero, living legend, and one of the most awesome people ever, Saul Hudson turns 43 today!!!

To celebrate, here's a video of a great Slash solo from the infamous St. Louis riot show back in 91. Right after his solo, they break into "Rocket Queen"(my favorite song of all time), and shortly after they start is when Axl loses his shit and jumps into the crowd to beat up some guy with a camera. Enjoy!

It's Baby Levi!!!

How much you wanna bet that kid's first words are "Alright alright"?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


Ok, who else is SOOOO sick and tired of that stupid ode to faux-lesbianism "I Kissed A Girl"?

Seriously, it is scientifically impossible to hit "scan" on your radio and not have that damn song come up on at least three stations at the same time! It is so fucking annoying. Even more annoying? Those drunk ass girls who think they're being all sexy by making out with each other at clubs when it really just reeks of desperation because they are just doing it to get approval from some nasty hootin' and hollerin' frat boys. Thanks for encouraging this behavior even more Katy Perry!

(NOTE: Not that I even need to say it, but I would just like to point out that I have no problem at all with the gay and lesbian community, you all know the shit I'm talking about.)

So now this Katy Perry chick is getting her fifteen minutes for being
soooo shocking. Yeah, ok, please. This shit was already done like 10 years ago. Newsflash: Girl on girl kissing isn't so risque anymore. It's 2008, look at all the famous mainstream lesbians: Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge, Rosie O'Donnell, Clay Aiken! So sorry Katy Perry, you and the dude who wrote this song for you suck.

Know what's still shocking in 2008? Bestiality, that's what. Fucking animals! So with that in mind, I revised your song for you Katy. You're welcome.

This may be hard to understand
Please, no intervention
I’m not ashamed, I’ll take a stand
Against repression
Try not to misconstrue
I’m gonna drop a bomb
I'm asking you to hold
Your condescension

I fucked a squirrel and I liked it
I know you might think that is sick
I fucked a squirrel, won’t deny it
Hope rabies didn't transmit
It felt so small
It felt so slight
Gonna store some nuts tonight
I fucked a squirrel and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't think that I’m insane
Your opinion don’t matter
It’s not a detrimental shame
I just love nature
It's not what, humans do
He’s my hot furry game
It’s not rodent abuse
PETA stay the fuck away!

I fucked a squirrel and I liked it
Ain’t that some crazy-ass shit?
I fucked a squirrel, not implying it
Rodents don’t just make Richard Gere tick
Made up this song
Easy to write
I’ll be a success overnight
I fucked a squirrel and I liked it
I liked it

This love is inexplicable
That fur, that tail, screw "permissible"
Prefer Rocky to Bullwinkle
Don't knock it 'til you try it
Roadkill appeal; that acorn scent!

I fucked a squirrel and I liked it
Doesn’t that make me a wild chick?
I fucked a squirrel, won’t deny it
But his teeth did hurt a bit
This could be wrong
Am I alright?
Didn’t take my meds tonight
I fucked a squirrel, and I….


RIP Estelle Getty

Estelle passed away this morning at the age of 84. She had been suffering from Lewy Body Dementia.

Thank you for being a friend. :(


Holy accusations Batman!!

Christian Bale was arrested in London today for alleged assault on his mother and sister!

Apparently, Christian "lashed out" at his mother Jenny, 61, and sister Sharon, 40 on Sunday at London's Dorchester hotel. They were staying there for the UK premiere of The Dark Knight.

Christian has not been charged with anything yet but in England it is policy to arrest a suspect before questioning them! Guilty until proven innocent!

Attorneys for Christian released the following statement:

"Christian Bale attended a London police station today, on a voluntary basis, in order to assist with an allegation that had been made against him to the police by his mother and sister," the star's lawyers said in the statement. "Mr. Bale who denies the allegation, co-operated throughout, gave his account in full of the events in question, and has left the station without any charge being made against him by the police. At this time, there will be no further comment by Mr. Bale."


Monday, July 21, 2008

Time to play: How Low Will the Paparazzi Go?

Halle Berry is the one celebrity mother who refuses to sell out her new baby.

What to do? What to do?


Flea Bomb maybe...

So one of the Kardashians who isn't Kim, Khloe, was arrested on drunk driving charges and served her three hour sentence Friday. She was supposed to serve 30 days, but her time was reduced due to overcrowding and because she posed a threat to the prison population, or so she told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show this morning.

Are you ready for this? Khloe said, "There was a bomb threat. They put me in solitary confinement and the warden came down to talk to me and said, 'You're the one causing all the problems here. ... There are all these bomb threats, and we think they're because of you.'"

Khloe also said she had to watch an "intense" instructional video about "how to be a good inmate" and to avoid fights and getting a staph infection.

Write your own joke.


Fergie and Slash

You know, most of Fergie's songs annoy the ever-loving shit out of me, but I always thought she was a pretty cool person. I mean, she admitted to a meth problem and wetting herself and she likes Taco Bell and Mustangs. Not to mention Kids Incorporated. And now this seals her status as "awesome" in my book.

Jessica Simpson: She's just like you!

Jessica Simpson's new career as a country star isn't going too well.

She was booed at her debut performance at the Country Thunder USA Festival in Twin Lakes, Wisconsin. She came on after Kellie Pickler, who people cheered for! That's bad.

A concertgoer, Adam Matos, 21 was quoted as saying "I just don't hear the country in her; I don't hear the twang. She's not good enough to be here."

Jessica attempted stop the boos by saying, "I don't know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I'm just a girl from Texas; I'm just like you. I'm doing what I love and dating a boy."

Because the people of Wisconsin are all just girls from Texas.

Won't those Simpson sisters ever learn? When you get booed, you GO AWAY!