Saturday, February 17, 2007

Sinead O'Spears?

It's kind of not funny anymore. Britney's done gone and lost her friggin' mind. She shaved her head! Seriously. Then she went to a tattoo parlor where she got a tattoo on her wrist of red and pink lips. Um, yeah. Crazy, she's in too deep.


Friday, February 16, 2007


Nicole Richie has been charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence. The DA says Richie is charged with being under the influence of "an alcoholic beverage and a drug. She will be arraigned next Wednesday.

I hope her punishment is that she has to eat.


A Britney Haiku

Brit went to rehab.
But checked out one day later.
Maybe she's better.

Suck on that Rosie!


Watch closely

He really, really, wanted it to snow.

Well Duh, you can't dance on tables at the Vienna Opera Ball!

Paris entertains herself by taking photos...of herself. This went on for nearly three hours.

' VIENNA, Austria (AP) -- She could have danced all night. Instead, she stifled yawns. Hotel heiress/reality TV star Paris Hilton certainly didn't look like she was having a ball Thursday night at the Vienna Opera Ball, Austria's society event of the year. Live TV coverage repeatedly showed her looking bored as she sat in her luxury box at the State Opera House. As debutantes in white dresses and their escorts in black tuxedos and tails marched into the ornate ballroom, Hilton was seen resting her head in her hands, absentmindedly flipping through the program and fiddling with her mobile phone.

"Look how excited she is," deadpanned a commentator for public television station ORF, which broadcast the ball live.

Hilton was the guest of Richard Lugner, a 74-year-old married construction magnate who invites a celebrity each year. His previous guests have included Geri Halliwell, Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra. '

Who is this guy Richard Lugner? Why would you invite Geri Halliwell, Pam Anderson, Carmen Electra, and now Paris Hilton to the Vienna Opera Ball? Is this like that contest where guys see who can pick up the ugliest girl at the bar? Invite the woman who looks the most out of place? Granted the guy is 74 years old and married and I could see why he'd want to hang out with sex-symbols, but to invite them to a ball where they obviously don't fit in seems almost mean (in Paris' case though, well done Rich!). I bet next year his special guest is Jenna Jameson.


The Hoff-ette


Here are some photos of David Hasselhoff in costume for his latest role as the cross-dressing director Roger DeBris in a Las Vegas production of the Broadway musical The Producers. He kind of looks like Patrick Swayze in To Wong Foo, but Patrick had much better legs.


Kenny Chesney is desperate for attention

Almost two years after his fraudulent marriage to Renée Zellweger, Kenny Chesney is denying rumors that he is gay.

In an interview with 60 Minutes that will air Sunday he says, "It's not true. Period. Maybe I should have come out and said, 'No, I'm not [gay],' but I didn't want to draw any more attention to it. I didn't have to prove to anybody that I wasn't [gay]. I didn't feel like I really did. We thought the least harmful [stated reason] was fraud because it [is] kind of broad ... doesn't specify. And boy ... we were wrong. The only fraud that was committed was me thinking that I knew what it was like ... that I really understood what it was like to be married, and I really didn't."

Yeah, yeah, whatever. If he doesn't want to draw attention to it, why is he bringing it up again two years later? Who cares?
Renée certainly doesn't, she's banging Dylan McKay! My guess is the gay rumors hurt his album sales. I could see a successful openly gay rapper before I could see a successful openly gay country singer. (Yet another reason metal rules btw) Just sayin'.

So he didn't understand what it was like to be married. What couldn't he have understood? The sex part perhaps?


Billionare Hair Bet

Donald Trump made an appearance on WWE Raw last night to continue the feud with Vince McMahon. He challenged Vince to a match at this year's Wrestlemania on April 1st. Vince counteroffered to instead have each of them find a wrestler to represent them and fight. Donald accepted that offer, but added, “But let’s make this a little more interesting. As you know, I have quite possibly the most famous head of hair in the world, and for years, people have questioned if yours is even real! “At WrestleMania, if my guy loses, you can shave my head. But if your guy loses, I’m going to shave your head!”

The rumor is that Trump's wrestler is going to be Stone Cold Steve Austin in a rare return to the ring. Vince's will probably be Eugene, cause you know there's no way in hell Donald Trump is going to shave his head (even though he really should).


Kramer won't show up in fake court

Gloria Allred and the lawyer for Michael Richards are trying to work out the details for a "mock trial" tomorrow at Loyola Law School. The meeting is proposed to be a face-to-face of Richards and the four black audience members who were the subject of his racial slurred tirade at a stand-up performance at the Laugh Factory last November. All parties involved, including Richards, want this " opportunity to sit down and talk, " but disagree on whether this "trial" should be public (Allred wants) or private (Richards wants) and whether or not cameras should be allowed. Since it is scheduled for tomorrow and there doesn't appear to be a resolution, Richards most likely will not show, though the Loyola courtroom has been rented.

A "mock trial?" Didn't they do that on the Brady Bunch?


Thursday, February 15, 2007

As you may have noticed, I haven't posted any stories on Anna Nicole Smith since her death and autopsy. My reasoning is this, it's nearly impossible and physically exhausting to keep up with every BREAKING STORY! and there are plenty of other newssites and blogs (see "NOT ASSHATS" sidebar) that are doing a great job keeping up, not to mention Entertainment Tonight-who are creaming their shorts and milking this more than the Mary Kay Lanterno wedding. But this story I felt compelled to comment on because I have a great idea that I'd like to pitch to the folks at Fox.

FROM (one of those great sources for everything Anna):

' Sources tell TMZ that Smith and Stern, in collaboration with Hallock Healey Entertainment, shopped around the reality show, centered on Anna's quest to find a husband -- similar in concept to VH1's "Flavor of Love." The program would have had men, young and old, of different ethnicities and orientations vying for Anna's affections, with the "winner" marrying her. We're told the series was pitched as being very tongue-in-cheek, and that during meetings, network execs were repeatedly told how Anna was "completely in on the joke," and that in at least one meeting, Anna brought her poodle Sugar Pie along ... perhaps as an executive producer.

While no network went forward with the series, Anna did wind up finding a partner, of sorts, in Stern. '

Ok, so here's my idea. Repitch this as a reality show called "Who's the Daddy" to settle once and for all who Danielyn's father is. And Sugar Pie should definitely be the executive producer.

Love is in the air for Betty and Felicity

Life and Style magazine is reporting that Ugly Betty star America Ferrera is engaged to longtime boyfriend Ryan Piers Williams. Congrats!! (no jokes here, she's too awesome)

UPDATED: America has denied the wedding rumors.

Congrats are also in order to Keri Russell and boyfriend/babydaddytobe Shane Deary who wed yesterday in New York City. They are expecting their first child together this summer.

A wedding on Valentine's Day? How corny! ;)


They should call it Pout of Love

Lisa Rinna wants her lips back

It has been confirmed that Bret Michaels is indeed the 80's rocker looking for love on the upcoming VH1 show, "Rock of Love."

The press release is hysterical:

' Hot on the heels of VH1's record breaking hits, "Flavor of Love" and "I Love New York," comes a fresh new take on this wildly exciting relationship show. Known as the bandana-clad ( lol ) , blue- eyed lead singer/songwriter from one of today's (today's?) legendary (legendary?) rock bands, Bret Michaels has been handpicked (the only one that would do it) by VH1 and producers Mark Cronin & Cris Abrego to take this series to all new heights of rock-n-roll insanity! The hard-rockin' Poison front man is looking for a woman who can truly keep up with his rock-n- roll lifestyle (um, he's what? 50?) and not become jealous of his one true passion -- performing, which has been the reason for and destruction of most of his relationships (either that, or they saw him without his bandanna). As VH1's hottest eligible bachelor (well yeah, when your only competition is Flavor Flav), a bevy of beauties (washed-up groupies or young girls trying to get an insta-career) will vie to win his heart (whatever money he has which can't be much since he's doing a VH1 dating show) in the new series "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" premiering in July. With twenty years of continuous multi-platinum success (two twenty year old albums that sold a lot in the 80's) sold-out tours and a couple of high-profile relationships that never led to the altar, Michaels is ready to wear his heart on his sleeve (or on his head for extra coverage). The series will focus on the never- before-revealed private side of Michaels ( Pam/Bret video anyone?). With that said, the casting executives have received an overwhelming (20) response from female fans of all ages (washed-up groupies or young girls trying to get an insta-career). Residing with Michaels in his (Vh1's rented) Los Angeles rock palace, these women will be tested on their devotion to him and their love and understanding of all that is rock-n-roll (they will be tested on who's the biggest trainwreck). To help narrow the field, Michaels will put these women through various challenges. The ladies who win these challenges will join Michaels on some wild (nothing too wild, don't wanna lose the bandanna!) and exclusive excursions, while those who can't hang like true backstage VIPs will be escorted out in bona fide rock star fashion. '

Don't get me wrong, I'm superduper excited about this! In fact, if it had been C.C. I would have auditioned myself (he ruled on Surreal Life). I bet that instead of clocks, Bret gives out backstage passes.


Brad and Ang at Mardi Gras


' Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting into the spirit of their new hometown, New Orleans.
The stars dined with two other couples at Arnaud's Friday night in the French Quarter, where many were celebrating Mardi Gras early. "Brad and Angelina are trying to make friends with regular people in NOLA," says a snitch. "Bourbon St. was packed that night, and when Brad and Angelina were trying to leave, they kept getting mobbed by all the people." "One of the bodyguards came upstairs and asked us if they could have some beads and masks so they could get back home without getting noticed." '

How nice of them to want to make friends with the "regular" people! I know they didn't use that word but I could just picture them talking.

Angelina, "Brad dear, I think it would be very noble of us to go out and mingle with the commonfolk."

Brad, "You are so hot when you're charitable."

Angelina, "If the peasants get too pesky though, we can flee in diguise with those silly masks."

Brad, "Sounds like a plan hon. Let's go. Maddox you're in charge, if you want ice cream, you could take the jet."


Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What the asshats are up to

Hey it's Snoop! Boobizzles, know what I'm sayin?
Heather Mills kicking a paparazzi or practicing for Dancing With the Stars? Whoa, wouldn't that thing be considered a weapon?

Travis and Shanna together again? Do we care?

In case you're wondering what Winona Ryder's been up to, here she is shopp(lift)ing. Look, she's checking to see if anyone's watching her before she shoves that bag of chips in her bag.

Haylie Duff with new boyfriend A.J. Discala. They make a perfect couple- two people that are only famous because of their relation (or ex-relation) to real famous people!

You know Forest's wife is all, "Step away from the crazy lady!"

Damn, Pacey's morphing into Mel Gibson!

Mimi's thighs are begging for emancipation in that ensemble.

Keith Urban. I bet he's jones'n being in that snow.

Jenny and Jim. She looks fabulous, but what the hell is going on with Jim Carrey's face? I blame $cientology. He looked better with the thetans in.

Courtney Cox confirms lesbian kiss is a publicity stunt

Courtney recently told Access Hollywood (not to be confused with Asshat Hollywood) that the upcoming lesbian kiss between her and guest star Jen Aniston is just a boring ol' "goodbye peck."

"I am not saying don't tune in to watch Jennifer on the show, because she is fantastic and you get to see us together again," she said, "but if you think it is just about a major make-out session, you will be disappointed."

Dumb move. she should have kept quiet and just let it air because that's the only reason people would actually tune in to that wretched show.


Heather Mills to kick up her pegleg on Dancing With the Stars?

Heather Mills is reportedly in talks to be a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, a source tells PEOPLE. She has not officially signed on yet and her rep declined to comment. Wow, a contestant more wooden than Master P! I didn't think it was possible! I hope her leg flies off during the cha-cha-cha and hits Carrie Ann Inaba. That would be some good tv!! Seriously though I bet she has two left feet (thanks Moxie!) Everybody hates her though, she won't have a leg to stand on (thanks Haven) come voting time!

Howard (not K.) Stern ENGAGED!

In happier couple news, Howard Stern is engaged to his longtime girlfriend, model Beth Ostrosky.

Howard described the proposal on his Sirius radio program this morning. Last night he asked Beth, "Do you want your Valentine's Day gift now?" He then asked her to strip naked. She said no because she thought she was too fat. (I guess living with Stern will give you a complex--ever hear those "Playboy evaluations?") Beth eventually agreed and Howard proposed, giving her a 5.2-carat diamond ring. He said, "You're everything to me. This is so gay...I'm asking you to spend the rest of your life with me." Then they had sex (which I'm sure Howard went into detail describing). Then he called her father and asked for permission (um, shouldn't you do that first?) Her father said yes but demanded, "Never call me Dad."

Good job Beth! You know she threatened to leave if he didn't propose. I bet next she "accidentally" gets pregnant.


Bucky and wife split

Sad news on this Valentine's Day. American Idol's Bucky Covington and his wife Crystal have split after seven years of marriage.

Bucky's record label released the following statement, ""This is a difficult time for both of us and I would ask that everyone respect our privacy."

This one surprised me, I was expecting Chris Daughtry--oh I'm sorry, I mean
DAUGHTRY, to leave his wife for the groupies, but Bucky? Say it ain't so!


Magazine Wars

Congrats to Jennifer Hudson for becoming the first African-American singer and the third African-American celebrity to grace the cover of Vogue. Yeah, I know, crazy huh? Anna Wintour doesn't care about black people!

I'm sure when Matthew Knowles got word of this, this was the result:

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Take notes Angelina, now THAT is how you dog Seacrest.

"Be a man!" -- Awesome

Papa Joe has met his match!!

Where's a cell phone when you need one?

P. PuffyDiddyDaddy must have been in a really bad mood Sunday night. Not only did he scream at the Grey's Anatomy cast for sitting at his table, he also stirred up some shit with Naomi Campbell at Clive Davis' annual party, which is a deathwish in itself.

A witness said, "[Diddy] just started screaming at her when he saw her. No one could believe it. He was screaming obscenities at her, and also screaming at Terrence Howard, who was with her."

Another source suggested this may have something to do with Diddy's babymama Kim. "Kim Porter hates her. There was also an issue that Diddy had wanted her to be the face of Sean John's women's line - but didn't want to pay her."

Naomi reportedly kept her cool, either that or she couldn't locate a cell phone. Too bad, if any needs to get knocked in the head with a motoRAZR, it's Puffy.


PS- While googling for a pic of Diddy and Naomi, I found this cool compatibility site. Looks like they'd make a good match. They certainly have similar tempers.

Sandra Bullock is my homegirl

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, thought it would be refreshing to spread some love since I'm usually slamming everybody on here. So here's to you Sandra Bullock! Love her! She's cool, she's real, and she's honest.

In the latest issue of InStyle Magazine she says, "How many times do people say, 'So, when are you going to have kids?' Can I slap you now?" (Go girl, I hear ya!)

On husband Jesse James, she confesses, "[Before she got to know him] I assumed he was a homophobic chauvinist, a bigot who kills people. And later I felt saddened by my assumptions because I wondered how many times I had written off people who truly were real." (To give someone you thought was a serial killer a chance, as well as someone whose ex is a porn star? That's pretty damn cool.)

On having the perfect body: "We all have cellulite. So do supermodels! I've been to the shows, and I go, 'Stick figure has some cellulite!' It's nature. Without it, you're not human."

You're awesome Sandy!


Dumb Idea Alert is reporting that British author Tony Cowell(aka Simon's brother) has landed a deal for a show called “Publish My Book!” (aka Book Idol) in Britain and is pitching to US networks.

I don't know about you but I am superexcited about this!! What a fantastic idea!! This is sure to be edge of the seat, nail-biting television! I hope they have theme weeks like on American Idol! Picture it! Edgar Allen Poe week! Charles Dickens week!! Danielle Steel week! They hit the nail on the head with this one!! This is just what the kids want!! They'll break voting records for sure!

Excise, Excise Baby

First Nationwide gets K-Fed, now TurboTax gets the original.

' February 13, 2007 -- VANILLA Ice finally has a gig: rapping about taxes. has hired the pale rapper to host the "Tax Rap Contest" on, "providing fun-loving taxpayers nationwide a shot at their own Grammy-worthy performance and $25,000 in winnings," the site boasts. To kick off the contest, Vanilla Ice has unveiled an original music video "inspired by his own personal tax-filing experiences" on YouTube. "We want people to 'get their tax on,' " said a company rep. '

You can check out Vanilla's taxrap HERE

Anybody watching the new all-"star" Surreal Life? Everytime I start to think, that Vanilla, he's actually pretty cool, he totally loses his shit and starts yelling and breaking things. Which is good for reality tv, but seriously? Dude needs some meds. Not Slim-Fast and methadone mind you, but some Xanax would help maybe. I did love when he laid out that annoying bitch Traci Bingham though.

By the way, speaking of taxes: Yo. What? TurboTax may have Vanilla Ice but check it, at TaxAct there's no price. Word to your mutha (if she can claim you as a dependant).

Monday, February 12, 2007

Grammy Party Time!

Watch your hair Tara, Lindsay Lohan was sitting there a minute ago!

"So John, have you bagged my daughter yet? I want details dude!"
(BTW- WTF is up with John Mayer? Ever since he hooked up with Jess, he's been looking freakier and freakier.)

"Um, my honest opinion of your album? Excuse me just a moment, you seem to have something in your eye."

"Hey Mr. Photog, get a picture of me and my much classier new girlfriend!
Take that Pam, you trashy ho!"

" You 're beautiful to me. Let me put my hand on your knee. Would you like a drink? Do you need to think? This is a nice place, a fun party space."

{Where the hell are you Justin? Wait, did he say to meet in the room with the gold bed or was it the silver?}

"Gore/Tarantino in '08, I could see it."

Hey guys, it's Britney!!!

Animal's at it again. Saturday night she partied at the NYC club Tenjune and got so wasted she had to be escorted out by her driver.
A source told STAR MAGAZINE, "She got there around 12:15 a.m., was drinking champagne, dancing and hanging out with friends. And around 3:15 a.m. and took her new CD out of her bag, got on the microphone and just said 'Hey, guys, it's Britney!' The crowds reaction to her new songs was positive!"

That night Brit allegedly had one of her assistants clean vomm--er um, peanut butter, out of her car. We are lucky enough to get a photo:

Full, In-Depth Grammy Coverage!

Congrats to the Dixie Chicks for winning every single Grammy award last night. Hopefully now they will shut up about how everyone supposedly hates them.
I am starting a new category here on Asshat Hollywood. It shall be called simply

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Anna Nicole's Fridge

TMZ has obtained a photo of the inside of Anna Nicole Smith's refrigerator. Slim Fast, Trim-Spa, spray butter, yogurt, and a big ol' bottle of methadone. Yum-o!