Random shit I found on YouTube

Ever been so bored out of your mind that shit like this is fascinating?

BREAKING NEWS!!! ANGELINA DID NOT HAVE THE BABIES YET!

It was reported earlier today that Saint Angelina had gone into labor with her twins, but her rep has released the following comment: "Angelina has not given birth. She is fine, enjoying her home and her family in France."

Why do they toy with our emotions like this?

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"I'm shy, heehee"

Hey remember last week before the big American Idol finale there were all kinds of rumors going around about who the "BIGGEST STAR IN THE WORLD" was going to be? Well, it wasn't George Michael they were talking about.

Turns out it was supposed to be Wacko Jacko himself!

Michael was going to be the big surprise star but pulled out (insert your own sick pedo joke) at the last minute because he had stage fright.

A source told The Sun, "This was his big chance but he got stage-fright. [He kept saying] 'I can't do it. Everyone will hate me'."

Oh Michael, don't be silly, people already hate you!

In related news, David Archuleta is said to be very relieved. (I know, that was lame)

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Daily reminder that you are old:

Zac Hanson and his wife welcomed a baby boy on Tuesday. They named him John Ira Shepherd Hanson. John weighed in at 8 lbs, 4 oz.

Zac is the youngest member of Hanson (he's 22 now). The other two are married and have kids too!

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Seems like just yesterday:

HUH???

Speaking of American Idols that I'd like to procreate with, here's one that..well, not so much..but apparently someone wanted some hot Aiken sperm!

TMZ just broke news that Clay Aiken is going to be a father.

No, really. And she's due in August!!

Clay lives with a woman in her late 40's named Jaymes (yes, that's a woman) Foster. Jaymes is a record producer (her brother is David Foster) and Clay's BFF. And soon to be BABY MAMA!

Calm down everyone--he didn't knock her up that way. I mean, come on that stuff only happens in bad Madonna movies. Jaymes was artifically inseminated of course! And Clay is going to help raise the child . Wow, I thought that kind of stuff only happened in bad Jennifer Aniston movies!

Aiken's rep has not released a comment. Unfortunately neither has Kathy Griffin.

OMG, Claymates are gonna lost their shit!

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The Most Awesome Human Being in the World

Lets follow up the Bill Murray is a wifebeater story with something positive.

So I've been trying so hard to dull the David Cook thing a bit because I don't want to be one of those crazy stalker fans that watch his YouTubes over and over and send him hundreds of cookies and shit like that, but dude's making it really hard because he keeps doing one awesome thing after another (sit down Caldwell, I wasn't talking about your ass!) First the Guitar Hero commercial, then telling Ryan Seacrest to say "Chicks Man" on the Soup, then somehow managing not to burst into laughter when that old crazy owl Larry King "honored" him with his cornyass suspenders, wait a second, what was I saying before about YouTubes? Nevermind, don't answer that.

So now PEOPLE has a story about how a couple days before the Idol finale, David dropped everything to visit his friend and Top 24 contestant Luke Menard, who was recently diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, in the hospital.

David said, “I love Luke and I just wanted to show up and make sure that he understood that I love him and know that if there’s anything I can do for him and his wife, sign me up, you know? Luke, Michael Johns, Jason Yeager and myself, we kind of buddied up one day at Hollywood week. We called ourselves the four horsemen. Any time one of your own is going through something as horrible as that, it makes everything else seem a little bit insignificant. Cancer is a very big part of my existence. I’m excited to be put in [the spotlight] where I can hopefully do something to help other people.”

Luke's prognosis is positive, "They’ve been told that it’s treatable and manageable. Luke is currently in Los Angeles and plans to return home to Indiana soon,” a friend of Luke's recently told news reporters.

Seriously, this David Cook thing is getting annoying. Nobody could be that awesome and nice and sweet and humble and smart and talented and adorable. I'm sure any day now, we'll hear a story about how shortly after meeting David Cook, a little crippled girl in a wheelchair got up and walked for the first time in her tragic life. And, nobody would be surprised!

So, let's just cut the shit and do the next obvious thing and cancel the whole election and just make David Cook the new president.

Really, let's look at the facts: He has about as much experience as Obama; unlike Hilary, he owns up when involved in a scandal (Eleanor Rigby > Whitewater); and he's much younger, hotter, and more living than McCain. Plus, there's the whole stand-up, honest guy thing. There wouldn't even be any need to have an election because everybody already knows he'd win by 12 million votes. And all the money saved on the election could be used to offset gas prices. Then, once in office, David would turn around the economic crisis, fix the health care system, and bring about world peace--all through song, hand messages, and by making world leaders and crooked politicians feel like shitty excuses for human beings compared to the awesomeness that is David Cook. Then he'd rearrange the Star Spangled Banner into a beautiful and haunting post-grunge ballad.

So this November, stop searching America, because the magic rainbow for a bright future leads to COOK!

Cook/Castro in 08! VOTE! VOTE!

NOOOO!

This one makes me really sad if it's true. It just sucks to hear this stuff about certain people.

Bill Murray's wife, Jennifer, has filed for divorce and claims some of the reasons are because he is a sex and drug addict who cheated on and physically abused her. Court docs claim Bill "hit his wife in the face and then told her she was 'lucky he didn't kill her' " Jennifer has also requested a restraining order.

They did have a pre-nup for $7 million and she also has asked the court to determine if it is valid. She will make out pretty well if it is.

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Back to reality (shows), Sarah

George Clooney has kicked Sarah Larson to the curb!

Though George's rep wouldn't comment, an insider said, "George is relieved to be single again. He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her. The truth is that they had little in common and he just doesn't want to be tied down."

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Ok ladies,

On your marks

Get Set

GO!

SHOCKER: Ashlee's pregnant

"Hello PEOPLE? Joe Simpson here. Yes, Ashlee has confirmed her pregnancy.....What? No, ASH-LEE. Yeah...the other one...So the going rate for first photos of babies seems to be around 2 million these days right?...No, she's not having twins...well maybe, hmmm,is it too late for the embryo to split? It is? Well we can pray, I AM a preacher hahaha! Well, let's just say one baby then, one mil? FIVE THOUSAND???? Are you crazy? Wait, what if I can get Jessica and Tony Romo in the hospital room for the delivery?? I'll even get Tony to cut the cord."

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Improvement?

Michael Lohan thinks he is setting a good example

Michael Lohan is feeling a little desperate for attention, since Dina's in the spotlight with the future Emmy award-winning Living Lohan, so he's decided to out his daughter as a lesbian and out himself as a Bible-thumping homophobe.

Michael told Usmagazine.com that Lindsay and Samantha Ronson's relationship "is evident to anyone with half a brain."

But that doesn't mean he approves. "Just like the [topless] Marilyn Monroe spread, Linds is my daughter and there are just some things a father doesn't want to see or hear, regardless of whether they are true or false."

He adds Lindsay "is a big girl, and she can make her own life choices. Then it is between her and God."

Then, for good measure, Michael decided to shift to Dina, "Maybe her mother's life revolves around the tabloids and reports, but mine doesn't. I am into setting a good example and doing good things that don't deceive or exploit my kids. But I will say this: While we were a family, you never even saw or heard a negative thing about any of us. But since the separation, look at everything that has happened!"

Speaking of, TMZ has some video of Michael setting a good example.

Step aside Matt, here comes Rooster!

One sexy bitch!

It seems now that they've (and by "they," I mean YOU E! Network) have given every C and D list celebrity their own reality show, it's time to start giving them out to anyone related to a celebrity.

Meet Rooster McConaughey (ok, his real name is Michael Patrick McConaughey). Yup, he's Matt's brother. Rooster's been living his whole life in the suck that it is to be Matthew McConaughey's brother.

But watch out world, because Rooster's got his very own reality show coming out soon! It's called Black Gold (remember that Soul Asylum song? That was a good song.) and it will debut on TruTV (the old Court TV) on June 18th. Mark Your Calendars! The show will be similar Deadliest Catch and it will be about Rooster and his friends who make their living on an oil rig and go down 10,000 feet below the earth's surface!

Oh wait a minute, Rooster doesn't actually do that. He supplies the pipes for the drills though! And, he's Matthew McConaughey's brother!! Oh and he has a son named Miller Lyte! That's more than Kim Kardashian's got going for her!

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Asshat of the Week

So Brooke Hogan was in a car accident Sunday. It wasn't her fault. Another car that was speeding hit her car and pushed it into a concrete wall while she was driving on the Bayside Bridge in Clearwater, Florida. No charges have been filed in the accident.

There were no injuries and Brooke's 2008 four-door Mercedes had $3,000 damage.

So here's why Brooke's Asshat of the Week.

Brooke posted a message on her MySpace page (which has since been removed) referencing her brother Nick's accident (you know, the one that he's serving time for for reckless driving and that left his friend John Graziano paralyzed in the hospital?) and she even goes as far as to credit Nick and John with saving her and her passenger's lives by reminding them to put on their seatbelts.

"I don't know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves . . . As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn't have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight."

Thank god for John!!! If not for him getting crushed to the point of most likely having to spend the rest of his life in a nursing home, Brooke might have been hurt and the world would be denied of her beauty and angelic voice!

Seriously? You fucking idiot!

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