Friday, January 12, 2007

You know you want more Reh Dogg!

It's not quite the masterpiece as Why Must I Cry, but it's still genius.

Paula Rules!

If this interview is any indication of what's in store for the next season of AI, it's gonna be awesome!

How can you bring sexy back with just one person?

In case there was any doubt that Justin and Cam Diaz were sooooo over, they released a joint statement confirming their break-up:

“It has always been our preference not to comment on the status of our relationship, but, out of respect for the time we’ve spent together, we feel compelled to do so now, in light of recent speculation and the number of inaccurate stories that are being reported by the media. We have, in fact, ended our romantic relationship, and have done so mutually and as friends, with continued love and respect for one another.”

And it looks like Justin has already found a new ladyfriend:

From Life & Style:
' Just days after his split from Cameron Diaz, Justin Timberlake’s moving on! At LA club Social Hollywood on Jan. 3, his attention was focused on one woman: Scarlett Johansson!

“They arrived together and stuck together all night,” says a partygoer. “They kept flirting and hugging. '

Aw, don't worry Cammy, someone way hotter than JT loves ya:

In Maxim magazine, Eva Mendes said, "If I were a guy I'd ask Cameron to marry me. She's got the greatest spirit and she has the cutest, tighest butt. Her butt is so cute I can't take it."

Mama Lohan is so classy I can't stand it!

' January 12, 2007 -- WHILE Lindsay Lohan is off filming in Hollywood, her mom, Dina Lohan, is busy showing where Lindsay might have picked up her moves. Dina, spotted in a "really short dress and boots," made some fellow diners at Kobe Club lose their appetites Wednesday night. A guy sitting next to Dina was "all over her," we're told. "Dina had a napkin in her lap and hiked up her dress," our source says. "The guy put his hand under her napkin . . . It went on for like five minutes." After the guy realized he was being watched, he stopped whatever it was he was doing. A rep for Dina said, "That's a disgusting lie and it's completely untrue." '

I saw that movie Ringmaster this weekend (one of those days where you're such a lazyass that you lay there watching a really bad movie because you don't feel like lifting the remote to change the channel.). Anyway, I thought of the trailer trash mother and daughter from that movie when reading this story.


Someone check the closet at Mode!

Hollywood Foreign Exchange Program

Does this mean we get to send another of our annoying celebrites to England? Please let it be Lindsay!

David Beckham and Posh are moving to the US of A! David has signed a five-year deal with [the soccer club] the Los Angeles Galaxy that could net him $250 million.

The NY POST reports:
' Beckham, one of the most recognized athletes on the planet, will be paid a staggering $1 million a week - 80 percent of which has nothing to do with him "bending it."
The deal - negotiated by Simon Fuller, creator of "American Idol," and Creative Artists Agency, which represents Tom Cruise - allows the team to pay him $10 million a year.

The rest of Beckham's pockets will be lined with cash he earns from endorsements.

Stargazers are speculating that he and Posh will become Hollywood's hottest couple - replacing the publicity-shunning likes of Brangelina and TomKat.'

I dunno if I agree with this, I think they're in for a rude awakening when they get to America. No one really gives a crap about soccer and the Spice Girls were popular, what, 10 years ago? Plus they are BFF with the Cruisazy's and everyone's sick of them. I bet they'll become Scientologists. He totally puts the hurt on my penis though, but then her bony-ass takes it away fast.

Breaking News: Britney gets a new dog from puppy mill

From US Weekly: Britney Spears may not be in the market for a new man, but she did just purchase a new puppy. Us has learned exclusively that the Pop Princess may name her latest little pooch after another princess: "Snow White."

Spears, 25, and son Sean Preston, 2, dropped by Pets of Bel Air at the Glen Centre on Wednesday afternoon. According to sources, Spears was calling the puppy "Snow White" inside the store, but it remains to be seen whether the name will stick. The newest edition to her clan is a tea-cup apple head chihuahua. Spears paid $3,200 for the tiny dog.

Spears formerly owned three other chihuahuas -- Lucky, Lacy and Bit Bit -- who mysteriously disappeared while she was married to K-Fed. Hopefully this pup will live happily ever after.

Britney plans to get another dog and name it Jack Daniels, after another of her hobbies.

I wonder what happened to the other dogs. Maybe Kevin is holding them for ransom too.

Oh and on a more serious note, there is NO SUCH THING AS A TEACUP CHIHUAHUA! Educate yourself!
As a chihuahua mama that shit irks me.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Make It Stop!

The Donald and Rosie war continues and now they have some support.

On the Today show Madonna said (in a faux British accent of course): "People are giving Rosie a hard time. I wish they'd stop. I don't think it's fair." Madonna also said she emailed Rosie to find out what was going on. "I have to hear it from the horse's mouth." (I'm sure Donald is delighted with Madonna's choice of words.)

Meanwhile Donald Trump told the New York Times, "I just got a congratulatory call from Star Jones."

I think Rosie gets the point for this round.


Donna Martin Procreates Update

Tori is quoted in PEOPLE recently as saying:
"Every night when I walk by my mirror I just stare at my belly and I'm so impressed by it. You always wonder what you'll look like when you're pregnant and it looks good. I like being pregnant."

Her husband Dean McDermott then said: "She looks so sexy naked." ' (I bet that valley in the middle of her chest filled out.)

While Spelling said she is expecting a boy "in late March," McDermott added, "We haven't decided on a first name, but his middle name will be Aaron," in honor of Spelling's late father, TV mogul Aaron Spelling, who died last June. '

Tori then said of their upcoming reality show (where they will own a bed & breakfast) "We are still newlyweds – with a baby on the way. It's Newlyweds, Part Two." (Um, do you know how that one turned out?)

Sorry but ever since the awesome So NoTORIous, I can't help but root for Tori.

Does anyone watch those 90210 reruns on SoapNet? It's great! They're in the Senior Year episodes right now so I highly advise checking them out. Yesterday was the one with a big dance coming up. Kelly, Donna, and Brenda had the coolest spandex dresses ever for the event. But the problem was everyone was afraid of the gangster kids from another school coming (because that's what tough kids from the streets like to do for fun- attend high school dances). West Beverly even hired mean security guards to turn all the black kids away, even the ones that went to West Beverly (can't be too careful!) A fight nearly broke out and there were rumors of guns and alcohol consumption (not Donna)! Everything worked out in the end though, thanks to the always self-righteous Brandon Walsh, a craptasic musical performance by David Silver (following an even more craptastic mic check), and the rest of the gang! Then in a perfect ending, everyone did the electric slide in racial harmony.


Yvonne De Carlo, best known as Lily Munster died Monday of natural causes. She was 84 years old.


K-Fed Wants 50 Mil

From Life&Style:
' The only way Britney Spears can guarantee she’ll keep custody of her sons, Sean Preston, 16 months, and Jayden James, 4 months, is to give in to Kevin Federline’s settlement demands.

Brit’s estranged hubby turned down a $10 million offer in December and is now asking for an astonishing $50 million — about one third of Brit’s net worth — to give up full custody of the kids.

“She’s been crying practically nonstop,” says a friend of Brit’s. '

Wow, he must really love his kids to not want to give them up for anything less than 50 million dollars. And Britney sure does look like she's broken up over it, making out with K. Fed 2.0 all over the place lately.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

We Don't Need No Stinking Boys!


' The first meeting of the new-membership Lonely Girls Club came to order on Tuesday night, January 9, when Cameron Diaz, 34 (of whom boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, recently said, "It's over," say sources), her Charlie's Angels pal Drew Barrymore, 31 (reportedly on the outs with boyfriend Fabrizio Moretti), and perpetual prowler Lindsay Lohan, 20, hooked up for a power party at the hot West Hollywood club Hyde. Diaz had been a presenter earlier in the evening during the People's Choice Awards in L.A.

"It looked like a fun 'Girl's Night Out' of bonding," says a source. "They were laughing and having a great time." And even though the male club-goers that evening included Lindsay's hunky ex, Harry Morton, 25, "all boys were ignored!" the source adds. '

And people are complaining there's no snow this winter!

I guess he called her when he was sober

Amy Lee of Evanescense is engaged to a therapist named Josh.


More Catfightin' with Donald, Rosie, and Babwa

Round 300

So Rosie and Babwa bashed Trump on the View today.

TMZ gives a recap
: " Rosie opened the show, sneering,"He's at it again," referring to Trump's open letter to Rosie yesterday, in which he recounted a conversation with Walters wherein she supposedly called Rosie a "pig" and essentially gave Rosie her walking papers. Just after Barbara took her shots at Trump, whom they couldn't bring themselves to call by his name, Ro and Babs reaffirmed (at least on-air) their professional relationship ("We're both OK?" "We're OK"). Then, they engaged in a deeply galvanizing, team-building high five with Joy and Elisabeth, whereupon Ro took one final parting shot at Trump, exclaiming, "His show tanked!" (referring to "The Apprentice's" tepid Sunday debut) and quickly changed the topic."

Donald responed with this statement: (click to enlarge)

I'm beginning to think they are all in cahoots with each other to get ratings for their shows.

Careful Heather, you only have one leg left! Wait, what am I saying? Nevermind- go down the expert slope Heather!


I don't know why this guy doesn't have a record deal

I've decided it is my mission to spread the word about Reh Dogg! And ladies- if you want to star alongside this talent in one of his videos (it's ok, you could wear cloths) check this out:

Really, who is watching those kids? I hope she at least left them some food and water

' SHE'S been saying she'll clean up her act, but Britney Spears was out Monday night "drinking heavily at the bar" at the W Westwood, according to The Web site reports Spears "entered in a short, black-and-white dress with a long black wig," After "an amorous public makeout session" in a cabana, "Spears and her mystery man went into the lobby and got a room for the night." Spears' spokespeople at Jive Records had no response. '


Although Britney was wearing a clever disguise, the hotel staff were able to identify the pop star by her vagina.

Paula and Simon - They got that vibeology

In an article in the New York Post, Paula Abdul says Simon had her back during the whole Corey Clark scandal two years ago: "I have to be honest about Simon," Abdul said. "There's the times when he's like a big brother - or a lover. He was extremely distraught and protective and supportive of me when that happened." She also says of his temper, "There are days when he wakes up on the wrong side of the bed . . . or something that's happening in England. When that happens, he's got his cigarettes, his phone and that's it. He doesn't know how to turn it off sometimes and focus on our show. Simon's moody." (Um, he doesn't know how to focus on the show? She could barely focus herself with the double-vision!)

Paula says she can't ever imagine leaving Idol. "If people don't mind seeing me with a full head of gray hair. But by then I don't know if I'll have so many nervous twitches that my body will get in the way of watching the talent." (By then?)

Duh, everybody already knows he puts the hurt on her penis. And Seacrest's.

6 more days!!!

Meanwhile Simon has also made news with a quote of his own. In the February issue of Playboy he says "Do I prefer Kelly Clarkson's music to Bob Dylan's? Yes. I've never bought a Dylan record. A singing poet? It just bores me to tears. I've got to tell you, if I had 10 Dylans in the final of 'American Idol,' we would not be getting 30 million viewers a week. I don't believe the Bob Dylans of this world would make 'American Idol' a better show." (the sad part is, he's actually kinda right)

I guess this means there won't a be Bob Dylan themed night this season.

Future hot girl alert

' Brooke Burke, 35, and her fiancé David Charvet, 34, welcomed their first child, a daughter, on Monday, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

Heaven Rain Charvet was born at 2 p.m. at St. John's Hospital in Santa Monica. She weighed 6 lbs. 8 oz. and was 18 3/4 inches long. '

Brooke is said to be "very. very. excited. about. the. new. baby... alright!"

We're Your Screamgirls...........

Mr. Blackwell released his 47th annual "Worst Dressed" list Tuesday and the winner is:

It's a tie!!

SHOCKER: It's Britney and Paris! "Two peas in an overexposed pod," Blackwell said. (that sounds like a vagina reference to me.) He also referred to them as "Screamgirls."

Runners-up included Lindsay Lohan ("from adorable to deplorable"), Camilla Parker-Bowles ("The Duchess of Dowdy strikes again.") and Sandra Oh ("She's layered lunacy from head to toe.")

Not on Blackwell's shit list were Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie, Helen Mirren, Barbra Streisand, Beyonce, Nancy Pelosi, Princess Charlotte of Monaco, Heidi Klum, Katie Holmes, and Marcia Cross. (Big mistake on Katie - that pillow she was sporting the early part of the year was a fashion don't if I ever saw one, not to mention she can't accessorize for shit- a crazy little man and an Asian child? Come on now.)


Gross couple alert

PEOPLE is reporting that Marilyn Manson is dating Evan Rachel Wood and that the relationship was a factor in Manson's recent split with Dita Von Teese. He's 38 and she's 19. I can't think of anything clever to say so just eewwwww.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

I thought she was supposed to be watching her kids this week

Here' s the ever classy Ms. Spears on a boat with some guy (at least I think it's a guy. Don't women usually have tattoos like that?) Brit is either pregnant again or that's some beer belly. I will guess that he doesn't have the hurt on his penis.

Ok, it's really getting old now

Somehow [/sarcasm] ET Online managed to obtain the following letter the Donald Trump wrote to Rosie O'Donnell:

"Dear Rosie,

I hope you had a wonderful vacation with your wife -- you needed the rest.

An article in today's New York Post indicates that you blew up at BARBARA WALTERS for being a 'liar.' Actually, I don't blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologize for your behavior. She had heard that I was going to retaliate against you and tried to talk me out of it. She very much wanted me to go on the show as soon as she got back so that she could 'patch things up' (I said no). To be exact, she said that 'working with her is like living in hell' and, more pointedly, 'Donald, never get into the mud with pigs' and, 'don't worry, she won't be here for long.' Barbara knows exactly what she told me over the phone and she has to live with it. Perhaps that's why her initial statement was so mild!

In another incident, when I saw her eating at Le Cirque about two months ago and asked how 'Rosie was doing,' she sarcastically rolled her eyes and said 'Donald, do you have to ruin my meal.'

In any event, you have a good reason to be angry. Please give my warmest regards to Kelly!


Donald J. Trump


I was surprised that you let your spat with Barbara get into the newspapers, but, as I have always said and as you proved with Rosie, the magazine, you are very self destructive. You must work on this for your own good!"

Deja Vu? Donald?

I don't know about you but I'm getting sick of this whole thing. I never thought I'd say this but, PARIS, BRITNEY, LINDSAY, WHERE ARE YOU?

Rosie ain't the only one getting called a blob!

Remember when she was a crazy slut? Those were the days.

Angelina just can't seem to keep her mouth shut these days. Here's a couple memorable quotables from a recent interview with Elle U.K.

On Brad and being a dumbass about birth control:
"You could say he changed me. I wasn't planning on getting pregnant. I'm the one that got knocked up!"

On future plans to adopt from everywhere but the US/continue being a dumbass about birth control:
"We definitely want a very big family. It might seem crazy to build it so quickly. But if we're going to have 10 kids, we'd like to raise them while we're young."

On her kids:
"I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they're survivors, they came through so much. Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her...I met my other kids when they were 6 months old, they came with a personality. A newborn really is this...Yes, a blob! But now she's starting to have a personality...I'm conscious that I have to make sure I don't ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable."


In 17 years, Shiloh is going to be so messed up she'll be wearing a vial of blood around her neck and making out with Maddox! I can't wait!

My apologies if you just ate lunch

His tee says "MY WIENER IS HUGE IN JAPAN." How clever.

Where's a Samurai when you need one?

Fun Snoop Dogg Game

Spike TV will be airing a documentary titled "Bigg Snoop Dogg's Youth Authority: California" on Jan. 16.

' Snoop teamed with documentary director Gabriel London to make the movie, which focuses on youth crime and prison and includes personal accounts of Snoop's time inside California's juvenile detention facility known as the "Youth Authority." '

Here's what you do. Get some gin and juice and everytime Snoop says "You know what I'm sayin?" DRINK.

More Fun With Rosie! Now With Baba!


' January 9, 2007 -- THE tension between "The View" creator Barbara Walters and co-host Rosie O'Donnell, sparked by O'Donnell's feud with Donald Trump, boiled over yesterday morning when the portly comic called Walters "a [bleeping] liar."

The fight started around 8:30 a.m. when Walters, back from a two-week vacation, walked into the hair and makeup room at ABC studios and tried to hug O'Donnell, whom she hired onto the popular show.

According to spies, O'Donnell recoiled from Walters' touch and yelled, "You kept me in the newspapers this whole time!"

Both "View" producer Bill Geddie and Walters tried to calm O'Donnell. Walters told her, "I did everything I could to squash the story" - prompting Rosie to scream, "You didn't call me for 10 goddamn days, and you didn't tell me what you were going to say on television!"

O'Donnell is fuming because Trump went on Larry King two weeks ago - after she had called Trump a "snake-oil salesman" - and said Walters told him she regretted hiring O'Donnell. Trump also blasted the comic as "a horrible human being and a loser."

During her vacation, Walters issued a carefully worded statement saying, "I'm sorry there is friction between Donald and Rosie. That said, I do not regret for one moment my choice to hire Rosie O'Donnell as the moderator of 'The View.' "

After O'Donnell's outburst at Walters yesterday, Geddie jumped in and told her, "You've crossed the line." O'Donnell retorted, "Cameras are now outside of my house where my wife and kids are." She turned to Walters and said, "You went all around this and never called [Trump] a liar. You never said, 'Donald is lying.' You never called him a liar."

When Walters tried to defend herself, O'Donnell erupted, "Are you looking me in the face and denying you didn't tell him you didn't say this? You're a [bleeping] liar."

Cindi Berger, a rep for both Walters and O'Donnell said, "Whatever happened in the hair and makeup room was hardly a squabble. It's business as usual, everyone has moved on." '

Sure sounds like business as usual at the View! This is better than Springer! I vote they hire Star back and lock her Rosie, Baba Wawa, Trump, and Tara Conner in a room together. With cameras of course. Hell, throw in Elizabeth Hasselbeck too.

Speaking of Rosie and Donald, as promised, here are some pictures from last night's RAW. As predicted, they used celebrity impersonators. "Rosie" looked and sounded a lot like her, "Donald" not so much. But you know it sucked when the best character was Fudgy the Whale. It could have been funny, but was really lame. You can watch it here.

Rosie eating Fudgy.
Really, couldn't they have thought of something other than the obvious fat jokes?
Maybe Donald Trump wrote the skit.

Cool wind effect on the hair though.
Donald wins after nailing Rosie in the face with Fudgy.
Oops, how'd that get there? Edge still puts the hurt on my penis (it's gonna catch on, you wait!), even with a tore-up face!

Ok, ok, I promise, no more wrestling posts for a while.

Monday, January 8, 2007

Speaking of the WWE:

Now that the K-Fed thing is played out (even though he may become a permanant fixture on Monday Night RAW, see below) Vince McMahon is desperately trying once again to gain mainstream news exposure by attaching his organization to a media circus.

The following was posted on

' WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has never been so proud to present live on Raw the “match” – Donald Trump vs. Rosie O’Donnell.
“This is the equivalent of Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H, Stone Cold vs. The Rock, Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant,” McMahon said.

Using his vast influence, Mr. McMahon contacted both parties last night and both agreed to meet in the ring to settle their issue once and for all.

When reached for comment, Trump was characteristically blunt.
“I don’t back down from a challenge. Rosie may host The View, but the only “view” she’s going to be seeing is me beating her butterball ass.”

Miss O’Donnell could not be reached for comment. Sources say she was consulting with her personal physician about possible gastric bypass surgery.

From Hollywood to Wall Street to the Nation’s Capital, the scorching hostility between The Donald and the Entertainment Queen will have all eyes on the USA Network tonight. While no one knows who will win, one thing is certain: EVERYONE has an opinion.

Barbara Walters, Rosie’s co-host on The View, was adamant in her opinion, saying “I’m 100 percent behind Rosie. Donald Trump claims I can’t stand Rosie but nothing can be further from the truth," Walters continued. "Just because she’s brash, opinionated, steals the spotlight from the other women on The View, belches without covering her mouth and leaves the toilet seat up… come to think of it, I hope Trump wipes the floor with her. That way maybe he can tell her what I’ve been dying to - You’re Fired!”

Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was reached for comment, and he stated “I can relate to both Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump. I mean, I’m overweight AND have bad hair. I see this match as a draw.”

Kevin Federline, a celebrity who has experience in the squared circle, had another opinion entirely.
“All I know is, I hope Rosie has the decency to wear underwear.”

And Paris Hilton had a unique perspective entirely. “Wrestling? Is that like where the people fight each other? That is sooo barbaric. That’s what the dinosaurs did. Dinosaurs are stupid. What was the question again?”

The hype and animosity of this issue has reached unprecedented heights, all the way up to the President of the United States. When reached for comment, President Bush said, “I just hope this match ends definitively and soon. There’s nothing worse than a conflict that lasts and lasts with no end in sight and no clear exit strategy.”

With the nation’s appetite clamoring for resolution, Mr. McMahon’s plan to bring these media titans together is being hailed as a promotional stroke of genius. “THIS is what America is all about,” the Chairman of WWE said. “Two out of control egomaniacs beating the holy hell out of each other. It will be brutal, it will be ugly, it might even be disgusting but it will be LIVE Monday Night at 9 p.m. ET on USA’s MONDAY NIGHT RAW!” '

Ok, well obviously the quotes (other than K-Fed and maybe Paris Hilton) are fake.

Vince alluded to this last week, so something's been in the works. Donald Trump is supposedly a friend of Vince's (their egos are rumored to have been separated at birth) and he hasn't been showing much class with this whole Rosie thing, so I wouldn't be that surprised if he made an appearance, but my guess is they will have look-a-likes. Too bad, I'd like to see the real ones join the Kiss My Ass club.

I'll let you know tomorrow. Between this and I Love New York (thank Jesus for my DVR) this is one night of high quality television programming!


Still attempting to hang on to his remaining :05 seconds, K-Fed posted the following on his website:

"Happy New Year everyone!! I hope you all had a safe and happy holiday! 2007 is going to be bigger & out! Stay tuned for a BIG surprise to be announced very soon!!!!!"

Did he get someone else pregnant? Is there going to be a Popozao, part 2?

Sadly, I have a feeling this is going to affect WWE fans like myself as it is rumored K-Fed is going to be hired as a "manager" to one or two wrestlers. It is the perfect niche for him. Where else can you get a job where you can make money getting beat up and having people boo you?

Jessica Alba sure put the hurt on this guy's penis!

Slow News Day

Just in case you forgot about the Screech Dirty Sanchez video (as most of us have tried to), Dustin Diamond is here to remind you.

TMZ reports that ' Screech told "The Dr. Keith Ablow Show" that he tried to stop the tape, which shows him cavorting with two young women, and that it was a dare from some poker buddies.

However the tape's purveyor David Hans Schmidt, however, tells Rush & Molloy that the former Screech was "in on this deal from the start," and that he's not even sure that it's all Diamond – at least where it counts – in the video. "You never see his face and his [manhood] in the same shot," says Schmidt. '

I don't care if Screech's manhood rivals Tommy Lee's - no one wants to see that shit. And no one especially wants to see that shit covered in shit!

Sunday, January 7, 2007

BREAKING NEWS! Paris runs out of gas!

Paris Hilton found herself in quite the pickle yesterday. While driving home from her appointment at a beauty salon, she suddenly ran out of gas (suddenly meaning she was too much of an idiot to notice the fuel light was on).

What's an airheadass to do? Start walking to the nearest service station?
"In these shoes?" Paris thought. Call AAA? "Don't be silly, I'm not an alcoholic like Firecrotch!" she laughed.

So Paris did the only logical thing: she sat in her car and waited for the paparazzi to help her. (Who says the paparazzi are heartless leeches?) She passed the time by looking through a scrapbook (Who knew she was into scrapbooking? She is multi-talented!) One of the pages is captioned "The First Time" and has a photo of Paris with back-on-again-boyfriend
Stavros Niarchos (the Greek shipping heir not named Paris). Yeah, the first time that week maybe.