Thursday, January 31, 2008

A touching story of an ugly duckling


Hard as it is to believe, the homely thing in the above photos is none other than now-beauty, Eva Longoria. Eva explains that she was once an "ugly duckling."

Try to hold back the tears for her, especially after looking at those horrid pictures of her as a young, slim, perky, cheerleader.

"I was the darkest one of my family. I was the only one with black hair and the only one with dark skin. All my sisters were light blondes with hazel eyes. They used to call me ugly duckling."

Oh yeah, it gets worse...

"I grew up without being beautiful so I kind of relied on my personality and my character. I kind of developed a skill not to depend on anything superficial because I didn't have anything superficial to depend on."

I knew it!! That sparkling personality and ravishing character just had to be that of someone who was once a troll but is now a goddess!


Barf now.

Showing love to D-list skanks: Paris Hilton continues her philantrophy

Us reports that a source spotted Paris Hilton and House of Wax co-star Elisha Cuthbert "all over each other and making out" Tuesday night at New York club, Tenjune club.

Both "ladies" were there for a birthday party and arrived separately.

The source added, "It's Paris. She loves putting on a show."

Elisha Cuthbert's rep denied the incident.

Seperated at Birth?

"I had long hair for a while. Almost down to my waist but I wanted to go back to my Tom Cruise cut. I told my hairdresser to shave the back and leave the front long. Then someone thought I was Tom from the back. I guess I'd better wear heels." - Selma Blair on often being mistaken for Little Tommy Cruise


The Package

Britney was hospitalized last night and is now once again placed on a "5150" (in non Van-Halen terms, that's a three-day psychiatric hold) at UCLA Medical Center. It is possible that the length of time may be extended to 14 days.

This all went down after Britney's lawyers hired a new psychiatrist who visited Britney last night. After taking one look at her, he concluded that she was a danger to herself and others and decided she needed to be mentally evaluated. Finally!!

A plan that Britney's family and the LAPD have been working on to get Britney hospitalized then took place. After originally being planned to take place Monday night, it all went down last night without any problems. The police and paramedics showed up and brought Britney, who went willingly, to the hospital. Over the radio, the police used the code word "The Package" while transporting Britney to the hospital so she wouldn't freak out.

In the meantime, Brit's family has been at odds with Sam Lutfi over who will make the decisions regarding her care. The good news is that none of them will!! The judge will from now on!


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Aren't Punks Supposed to Stink?

The world has been waiting and it has finally happened - Avril Lavigne will be launching her own perfume!

Avril filed an application with the US patent and trademark office for products including perfume, after shave, bath oil, bath soap, shower gel, body lotion, shampoo, and body lotion.

Chances are the fragrance will smell like a mix of Manic Panic, spit, and bubble gum and like her music, you'll be instantly annoyed upon the first exposure to it but the scent will stay in your head for days. Look for it to be sold at a Hot Topic store near you.


Are You Ready? No, fuck off!

Hey, all you thirty-something soccer moms, break out your I HEART JORDAN oversized pin (Yeah you Jennifer or Melissa - Go fish it out of the Goodwill pile you threw it in after you saw him act like a douche on Surreal Life) and tease those bangs because the NEW KIDS are back!!

Yup, it appears that the rumors of the New Kids on the Block (NKOTB if you're from the street--the Backstreet) reunion look like they're true.

The "Kids" have updated their website ( with a new song and a promotional video that asks "Are you ready?" (You know, on wrestling when the tag-team DX says "Are You Ready," they're asking if you're ready to "Suck it." I think this applies here beautifully.)

Do you remember the NKOTB-mania back in the late 80's/early 90's? N-Sync, Backstreet, even Britney--all of them together at their peak had nothing on the New Kids pandemonium. That shit was insane. They sold that crap EVERYWHERE! There was no escaping it. I remember seeing a commercial for a local car dealership and they were hawking New Kids crap to get people onto their fucking lot. My dentist gave me a fucking New Kids on the Block toothbrush! I HATED the fucking New Kids on the Block. My entire fucking female 9th grade class were like a damn
cult with their stupid fucking New Kids on the Block t-shirts, new Kids on the Block notebooks, New Kids on the Block pencils, New Kids on the Block tampons, New Kids on the Block etc. It was a goddamn fucking Hangin' Tough nightmare. I blame my fucking 1990 anorexia episode on the New Kids on the Block because I was so goddamn sick of them that I couldn't eat. It wasn't an eating disorder- it was a hunger strike!

I survived that bullshit and I really don't want to be reminded of it again.

What is with all these 80's comebacks anyway? Crazy Paula just recorded a new song and now the New Kids are reuniting. I'm sure Stacey Q, the Cover Girls, Linear, and Expose aren't far behind. I actually wouldn't mind those other ones so much. The Cover Girls ruled!!

Forever Our Drunk-Ass Girl

Since the premiere of this season's American Idol, something didn't seem right.

I noticed that Paula didn't seem like herself. She'd been speaking clearly, making sense, and giving pretty good critiques and advice. Almost...sober.

But everyone can calm down now because drunk crazy Paula is BACK! I repeat: the Abdul-Alert has been raised to "TOUCHDOWN!"

Beyonce did not break Rihanna's toe

Apparently there were rumors that Beyonce broke Rihanna's toe in a jealous fight over Jay-Z.

Rihanna has spoken out on the rumors, insisting that they are "crazy" and that there is no rivalry between Beyonce and her. (Yeah, ok.)

Rihanna told the British magazine Star, "That's crazy. Not at all (is it true). "It (breaking her toe) happened on vacation. I'd just got there and couldn't sleep, so I wanted my best friend to go in the pool with me. I ran into her room and straight into a solid mahogany chair. It hurt so much - my toe was pointing to the side."

No word on whether the toe was pointing to the left, to the left.


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

That Funky Monkey

Christina Ricci survived an attack from a chimpanzee on the set of her new film
Penelope when her co-star named Chim Chim grabbed on to her breast and refused to let go.

Christina described the terrifying incident,
"It's the first day of shooting and I have this kitchen scene where I'm sitting down and the monkey is sitting right next to me. Of course it freaks out during the take and grabs my left breast and will not let go, and he's so strong.

I'm thinking, 'This thing is gonna rip it's hand away and I will no longer have a boob there!' I'm so freaked out and the whole rest of the actors are turned around so no one sees that this has happened to me and I'm like, 'Help, help' as quietly and calmly as possible so this thing does not freak out any further.

Finally they got him off me but my fear is completely validated and I did not go near him for the rest of the shoot... Monkeys are crazy and you never what they'll grab onto; I don't like unpredictable animals."

Chim Chim has defended his actions, saying he was just trying to pick a piece of lint off Christina. If she was wearing the above top, he has a valid argument.


Jessica is a method actress

Jessica Alba plays a blind violinist in the new horror movie, The Eye. To prepare, Jessica took violin lessons and followed a blind woman around New York for days. The blind woman eventually noticed someone was following her around and called the police.

Jessica says the violin was harder to learn than playing blind: "I started taking violin lessons pretty consistently, starting with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - which I don't think I could even play that well, still. "

"And then I hung out with a girl who is a musician for a living. She's lived all over the world by herself and she's been blind since she was three. I had different notions of what it would be like to be blind and how people conduct themselves and she kind of threw all that out the window. I picked up with how she interacts with people and how she gets around the world; how she walks down the street counting steps and how she opens doors. She moved around her landscape with such ease, she's very graceful."

Nice effort Jess, but I hardly think this performance is going to rival Audrey Hepburn in Wait Until Dark, and it will probably bomb just like the rest of your movies. It's probably because you're just too hot.

Ok, that wasn't nice, but I'm just really pissed about this movie because when I heard there was a horror movie coming out called The Eye, I thought it was the King Diamond one. His voice is grating, but his albums would make much better horror movies than the poo that gets released today. They should make Abigail into a movie and Suri Cruise can play the evil possessed baby.

Speaking of babies (hopefully not evil, possessed ones), check out the latest pic of pregnant Jessica above.

(I admit it. This entire post was just an excuse to mention Audrey Hepburn and King Diamond in the same breath)


This is so sweet!

For all you romantics out there, check this out.

It's like a real-life The Cutting Edge!

One Night at Britney's

So like last night, Britney and bff Sam Lutfi were driving around Bev Hills and scoping out the quickie marts. They got into a disagreement about Slurpees or something like that and Brit jumped out of the car crying once they got back to her house.

Rather than going inside, she sat on the curb crying while her dog London dreamed of a normal life.

When a member of the paparazzi asked if she was ok, Britney said "I'm fine. I'm . . . having a nice time with my dog." London said, "At least one of us is, can you let me go now so I can go hump a pillow?"

Then Brit got into a car with another photographer named Filipe Teixeria. They went to Ralph's supermarket and then returned back to Brit's. Another pap joined them and the three went inside and had a Frappuccino-induced threesome. (Look for the video coming soon: "Two guys, one girl, and a Starbucks cup.")

A half hour later, guess who comes to the door, Adnan Ghalib, Brit's on again/off again/"I don't know him" paparazzo boyfriend who may or may not be pimping photos of Britney out for cash. But guess what? Adnan was turned away at the gate.

Then Sam sent Adnan some text messages calling him a "manic trigger" for Britney and even said that if the two are together anymore it "will kill her."

Then the Po-po showed up! (Brit's security team called them.) Britney drove out through the gates and paparazzi ran after her. The cops gave out parking tickets to the paps that were illegally parked.

Now it was about time for a family reunion, wouldn't ya say? Dad Jamie and mom of the century Lynne arrived a Brit's estate at 9p.m. But Britney wasn't having that and ran out again (Sometime in between the cops and the parents, Britney came back. I don't know, this shit's hard to follow.). This time she jumped into a car with Adnan.

But wait, there's more!!! His car got a flat tire. They pulled into a gas station (luckily Brit is an expert at those!) and inflated the tire.

Then they returned to the house again around 11 and Adnan left.

Then Lynne and Britney went out to a drug store at 1:30a.m.

Then they returned. Then Britney took a shit. Then Lynne made some tea and left a message for Mary Hart. Then Britney ate some Fun Dip. Then the house blew up.


Be Yourself!!

This is as confusing as Puff/P./Daddy/Sean John/Combs/Douche. Miley Cyrus, who's alter ego is Hannah Montana, was actually born Destiny Hope Cyrus, but now she has officially changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus. Got that?

Between Hannah/Miley/Destiny, Diddy/Douche, and Britney/Cybil--I think there's identity crisis in the water in Hollywood. Although in Miley's case, I'll say good call.
Destiny Hope? Did Billy Ray want her to become a stripper? Or a contestant on Rock of Love?


Just admit it already!

So the SAG awards were Sunday night, but nobody cares who won. The big news is whether or not Saint Angelina is pregnant again after her choice of gown further fueled the baby rumors that have already been going around for a couple of weeks.

How many future saviors of mankind do we need?