A Star is Born

So who besides me checked out the premiere of Rock of Love starring Poison's Bret Michaels on VH1 last night?

You MUST, especially if you enjoyed Flavor of Love. This show has everything FoL had. 80's has-been bachelor? Check. Scary hoes? Check. Busted weaves? Double check! - Bret gets in on that one too! (not entering Bret's room unannounced is actually a rule! I think we all know why.) Oh and some girl even inherited Hottie's bicycle bell blink sound effect! It just doesn't get any better than this y'all!

The standout trainwreck ho so far is Tiffany (I mean, duh? Her name is Tiffany ) who, if you ever wondered what Ginger Spice would look like in 30 years if she kept the 1997 hair and clothes and adopted a daily regimen of drinking a 1.75 liter of cheap vodka and smoking three packs, ponder no longer!

So first Tiffany is kicked out along with four other wannabe groupies before even setting a hooker heel into the mansion. But then, in pure allegedly unscripted reality television fashion, bangs on the door and demands to be given a chance to screw Bret and possibly get her own spin-off show. So the bodyguard lets her back in. Of course she then proceeds to get wasted, make an ass out of herself, piss everyone off, all the while spouting off nonsensical babble that even Paula Abdul wouldn't understand (which is skillfully captioned for us by the those jokers in the control room). So come elimination time (btw- I totally called the backstage pass thing. Next I call Rock of Love: Charm School with Tawny Kitaen ) what happens? Surely she's blown her chance and will be sent home for certain? Nope, they keep her of course!! They don't even try to lie about why. Bret explains "You're entertaining." Awesome.

For a complete and fabulous recap, check this blog out:

I love you VH1!

What the Asshats Are Up To

"No, I will not confirm that I am pregnant."

"Doesn't anyone want to take my picture? It's Mischa!!! Barton... The O.C.? Hello? I could bend over, I'm not wearing panties..."

Jessica: "You guys are so lucky to get to be in a movie with me. I am SO hot you know."

"When daddy gets distracted by the man over there, we can scale that wall and make a run for it."

"Nobody will recognize me in this disguise y'all!! Now sniff doggie, find Jayden James."

"It's ok doggie, I saved you from that crazy Britney. Good thing she needed a Starbucks refill and put you down. You'll be much better off with me. Here's your new home- my accessories closet! Just watch out for Baby Luv, the kinkajou--he bites."

"Jeremy Jordin, Alright!"

Lindsay Lohan, you just completed rehab! What are you going to do now?

"I'M GOING TO VEGAS TO PARTY!!!"

Yup, after checking out of Malibu, California's Promises rehab facility on Friday after more than six weeks Lindsay partied (sans alcohol--supposedly) at Pure nightclub with friends in Vegas on Saturday night.

A rep for Linds released the following statement confirming her release from Promises: "On Friday, July 13, 2007, Lindsay Lohan successfully completed her 45 days of residential and extended-care treatment at Promises. She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served."

It was reported that Lindsay only drank energy drinks at the nightclub.

I don't know if I buy this. It's not like that bracelet is police ordered and monitored. I'd be willing to bet it's all for show. Even if it's for real, I bet the cocaine doesn't set that thing off.

Here's another photo of Lindsay partying with the cast of Rock of Love. Oh, those are the Pussycat Dolls? My bad.

SOURCE

Wow, a normal wedding!

Congrats to Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell who wed on Saturday in an intimate ceremony.

PEOPLE reports that 'Romijn, 34, wore a Ralph Lauren gown and jewelry by Neil Lane as she and O'Connell, 33, exchanged vows in front of 100 family and friends. The couple's two dogs Taco and Better – dressed in black bow ties – also joined in on the festivities, running around the grounds. '

Very awesome. Low-key ceremony with family, friends and their dogs (I have a dog named Taco too!) Way classier than some over the top call every magazine and entertainment show fly in a cake from France blah blah Tony- Parker blah Longoria extravaganza.

Remember Sliders? I liked that show.

FUCK!

Yup at 1:37 PM today I will officially be turning off the twentysomething expressway. I have no freaking idea how this happened.

Anyway, to make myself feel better, here are some people that share my birthday and most are older than me:

Harrison Ford - 65 (7/13/42)
(and the sad part is I would be too old to play his girlfriend in a movie.)

Cheech Marin - 61 (7/13/46)
Smoke up man!

Cameron Crowe - 50 (7/13/57)
Almost Famous is one of my favorite movies ever. Having him on my birthday almost makes up for also having

Yup, Corey Clark (7/13/80)

and then there's also:

X- Pac - 35 (7/13/72)

Who you might remember as Chyna's asshole ex-boyfriend on The Surreal Life a couple years ago and who may be returning to the WWE.



Also turning 30 with me today is

Some actress named Ashley Scott. I've never seen her in anything, but she's pretty cute and doesn't look like an old lady so that makes me feel better. Girl, I'm sharing your pain.

She didn't really say that, did she?

In an interview in the August 2007 issue of Glamour magazine, Jennifer Lopez says that while she is not pregnant, she's pretty sure everybody wants her to get knocked up because the future of the world depends on her eventual offspring with husband Skeletor, um, I mean Marc Anthony.

When asked about the pregnancy rumors, Jenny replies with this thoughtful piece of verbal diarrhea, "Marc and I just saw Children of Men. The message of the movie was if we don't have children, there's no hope for the future. And without hope, society just goes to pieces. Maybe that's what the pregnancy rumors are about---hope for future."

Methinks she's been hanging out with Tom and Katie a wee bit too much.

Your call

Brooke Hogan: Breast implants or maturing?

SOURCE

New Couple?

TMZ reports that David Spade and Pamela Anderson hung out in Vegas over the weekend. They showed up together at JET nightclub at the Mirage. Their drinks of choice were champagne and Red Bull vodkas.

While some people might say HUH?, it makes sense to me. From what I've heard David has a lot in common with Tommy Lee and it's not just Heather Locklear.

In "Who Asked?" News

"We've been recyclin' with Mr. Al Gore............"

Burnt out as I am, you know I couldn't pass up an opportunity to post when my beloved Axl decides to issue an out of nowhere and pointless press release. So in the latest one released today on his website, Mr. Rose explains, in great length as usual, why (nu) GN'R did not play one of last Saturday's Live Earth shows.

Guns N' Roses or myself will not be performing at Rio Live Earth or Live Earth for a couple of reasons. The first is that we were not asked until the last couple weeks while we were on tour in Australia and have upcoming sold-out dates already rescheduled in Japan. Our gear is already en route to Japan for these shows. We have attempted to find a solution to be able to perform in Rio, but unfortunately none has been suggested.

I was asked to perform individually with Lenny Kravitz by the promoters and Mr. Gore. As we were working this out, Lenny unfortunately became injured and temporarily canceled his involvement from the event. According to the promoters, by the time they had reconfirmed Lenny's performance, there wasn't enough time to arrange flights for myself to Brazil and then to Japan for our upcoming shows. Unfortunately, I was not informed that Lenny's performance was reconfirmed until our own explorations and in following the media surrounding the event today, which is Saturday morning here in Australia and Friday in Brazil.

Guns N' Roses or I were not asked to play anywhere else such as Japan or Australia (as we are already in the regions on tour) and in which we have formally offered to perform but the offer of our involvement was declined.

We wish all involved, the performers, the organizers, the fans and audiences around the world all the best and a very successful event.

Thank you,
Axl Rose

Um, ok? I'm not sure who asked. Even I didn't, and I implore you to find a bigger nutswinger than me.

But now that he's explaining things, hey Axl, how come you didn't play the American Idol finale? Or Eva Longoria and Tony Parker's wedding reception? Or Philadelphia that day in 2002?



You know, you could make it all better though. I have a birthday coming up on Friday. Why don't you give Slash, Duff, Matt, and Izzy a call and give those other dudes a day off? Say about 4 (that's 8 your time)? I'll even dread my hair. (If you can't make it though, I expect a press release.) Ok, call me.

Sorry, it's been a busy day for me

Haven't had a chance to post so in the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, here's a clip from Batshit Abdul's new reality show, Hey Paula!

They are married, but it's not the one that counts

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker were married at a small civil ceremony (which is required by French law) at Paris's city hall on Friday, but they are still having a big church wedding and reception tomorrow.

FROM PEOPLE:
' "They are married. They were married here by the Mayor of Paris, Monsieur Bertrand Delanoë," a spokesperson for the 4th Arrondisement district confirmed to PEOPLE.

The bride's guests arrived in a Hummer with California plates around 2:45 p.m. Exactly four minutes later, Longoria stepped out of one of the other limos wearing a rose Empire-waist mini dress. She waved to cheering fans on her way into the building. The groom appeared just before 3, greeting officials amid a chorus of cheers and calls of "To-nee!"

With the civil service complete, the newlyweds will cement their union with a ceremony at the Church of Saint Germain l'Auxerriois on Saturday.

Invited guests – about 250 of them – include Desperate Housewives pals Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, Nicollette Sheridan, James Denton, Ricardo Chavira and the show's creator Marc Cherry (Marcia Cross sent her regrets because she couldn't leave her twin babies).

Also expected are Parker's San Antonio Spurs teammates, coaches and friends, as well as Michael Douglas and wife Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jessica Alba and boyfriend Cash Warren.

Longoria and Parker got engaged in November and immediately made plans to have what her rep called a "big, happy ceremony with lots of family and friends" in Parker's native France.

Saturday's guests can look forward to a lavish reception at the Chateau of Vaux le Vicomte just outside Paris, where "the big color theme is red," says a source. "It's going to be a fairy-tale wedding."

Friday's ceremony capped off a week of partying, shopping and socializing, including a his-and-her bachelor party in St. Tropez. The newlyweds have been staying in an $11,000-a-night suite at the Park Hyatt Paris Vendome hotel.

"Paris is such a romantic city," says a source close to the couple. "They are so excited to get married there." '

Congrats? Can I say that yet? I'm so confused.

Holy shit, she really is pregnant! How is that possible?

I still don't understand how it's possible, but Nicole Richie is pregnant with Joel Madden's child! Multiple sources (not including Nicole) have confirmed to US Weekly that she is 12 weeks into her pregnancy. I predict it will be a boy. I also predict the child will weigh .5 lbs and will be wearing eyeliner.

If these two kids can't make it.....

Say it ain't so!! Pete Doherty and Kate Moss are over! There are even rumors that Kate has hired security guards to keep him away after kicking him out of her house and to the curb (which coincidentally, is his old home) after he was caught slipping his diseased,um, peter, in another woman.

Removal men were spotted at Kate's house taking his piano, guitars, and needles away.

SOURCE

Happy (belated) July 4th!

No point, you're gonna have to just drain it.

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July and that you listened to the advice of the reformed and newly wise Paris Hilton who posted on her MySpace:

"Happy 4th of July everyone, and remember to be responsible and have a designated driver!"

Paris even set a wonderful example by having three designated drivers. In fact, she had a few non-designated drivers as well. And a couple doormen. And the guy that delivered the beer. And another Greek Shipping heir.

Hope everyone had as much fun and enjoyed as many hot dogs as Paris did this Independence Day!

Christina's gonna be changing some dirrty diapers soon!

Congrats to Christina Aguilera and husband Jordan Bratman!! E! has confirmed that the two are expecting their first child together! There hasn't been any further information as to when the little Brat is due.

SOURCE