Poor Kim!!

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. Her whole life she dreamed of owning a Bentley of her very own. That's all she wanted, is that so much to ask?

Well this girl never stopped believing and one day he dreams came true!! She made a sex tape and became famous and was able to get that Bentley!

Unfortunately, this story doesn't have a happy ending. The girl only got to drive the Bentley for one week and then BAM!! An evil man on a motorcycle slammed into it! Now she has to wait TWO MONTHS for it to be fixed!!!

Sadly, the horrific story above is true. And the poor big-assed girl is none other than America's treasure, Kim Kardashian.

Kim is keeping her adoring fans updated on the touch and go status of her car on her website. And great news everyone! You can leave get well wishes for her Bentley!

Since my recent car drama has been in the news, I figure I should give you the updates...

I only got to drive my new Bentley for one week when a motorcycle ran into it! It was a hit and run. :(

I've had the car for six whole months, but it had been in shop most of that time getting tricked out at Luxury Ride Motors -- where I bought it. Now my Bentley is at Platinum MotorSport on Sunset Blvd. getting repaired! They say it may take about two months.

I've been waiting my whole life for a Bentley and now this!!! I just have to laugh -- what else am I going to do!?

Wish my car a speedy recovery in the comments and also let me know how you have dealt with car drama!

To further talk about this tragedy, we are pleased to welcome to Asshat Hollywood: KIM KARDASHIAN!!!


Uh, Kim, you think you can turn around?




Seriously, are you ever going to turn around? I know it's hard to believe, but I'm tired of looking at your ass.

"But I did turn around."

Oh, so you did. My mistake. So tell me, how are you coping with this nightmare?

"I'm just so very sad, my Bentley is everything to me."

I know how painful this must be for you and your courage is inspiring. You must also be angry, I mean, the nerve of that motorcyclist taking off like that huh?! I'd be rippin'!

"I know!! He didn't even ask my Bentley if she was ok. That damn ambulance just picked him up and sped off! That fucker!!"

Ummm, hang on a second Kim. You said it was a hit and run. Is the guy ok?

"Who cares about him? MY BENTLEY!!!!!!!!WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Stay strong Kim, remember what you said: Laugh. That's all you can do in stressful times like this. Hey speaking of stressful times, what do you think of all the talk regarding fears of a recession in this country?

" MY BENTLEY!!!!!!!!WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

I understand your feelings on that. After all, if everyone made a sex tape and starred in their own inane reality show, we wouldn't be in the current economic upheaval we are now. That was actually pretty profoundly insightful, Kim. But surely, you must have an opinion on the upcoming Presidential election?

" MY BENTLEY!!!!!!!!WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

The war in Iraq?

" MY BENTLEY!!!!!!!!WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

The AIDS crisis and poverty in Africa? Comeon, even American Idol cares about that one!

" MY BENTLEY!!!!!!!!WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!"

Ok, well, thanks for stopping by Kim. I'm sure your Bentley is in everyone's thoughts and prayers.