We'll probably never find out who was so vain, but now the secret is out on the identity of Caroline from the Neil Diamond classic and Fenway favorite, "Sweet Caroline." (You just went "BAH! BAH BAH!" Don't lie.)
It's President John F. Kennedy's daughter, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg!
On the reveal, Neil told the Associated Press, "I've never discussed it with anybody before – intentionally. I thought maybe I would tell it to Caroline when I met her someday."
Neil, who recently performed the song for Caroline via satellite at her 50th birthday party, said he was inspired to write the song when he saw an "innocent, wonderful" picture of Caroline in a magazine, and added "I'm happy to have gotten it off my chest and to have expressed it to Caroline. I thought she might be embarrassed, but she seemed to be struck by it and really, really happy."
Why would she be embarrassed? Was he beating it when he was looking at the picture?
Oh my god, wait a second. "Warm touchin' warm." "Reaching out." "Touchin' me." Touchin' me? That song's totally about masturbation!
So good indeed!
Wait, how old was she when he wrote the song? Um, yeah, I had no intention of going into kiddie porn land. Just clearing that up.
But it does sound like it's about masturbation.
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