I vote Rosie for next years Oscar host!

Rosie O'Donnell's emceed the Matrix Awards, an annual luncheon honoring New York women's accomplishments in media. The event was attended by 2,000 people including honorees Cindy Adams, Meredith Vieira, Joan Didion, Susan Lyne, Arianna Huffington and Lisa Caputo, and guests such as Rupert Murdoch, Joy Behar, Nora Ephron, Martha Stewart, and Hillary Clinton. Also there, seventeen high school girls who won scholarships to study media.

Pretty esteemed group huh? Bor--ing. Luckily for us Rosie decided it would be fun to drop a bunch of f-bombs during a self-indulgent rant about who else? Donald Trump of course! And she didn't stop there. She also grabbed her crotch and shouted "EAT ME!"

Barbara Walters was so embarrassed she lowered her head and covered her face with her hand.

Another guest, Robert Zimmerman said, "I was offended by how vulgar and common O'Donnell was. It was especially inappropriate with young people present." (Please, I'm sure the teenagers were the least offended out of anyone.)

Another woman who declined to be identified said, "I cringed and dove under the table when she said, 'Eat me.'" (My guess: Joy Behar)

Rosie's publicist attempted a little mop-up work by telling the NY Post: "When you ask for Rosie, you know what you're getting. She's not a shrinking violet. She's a stand-up comedienne. She says things that are provocative."

Also embarrassed to admit they were embarrassed was the managing director of N.Y. Women in Communications, Beth Ellen Keyes, who sent an e-mail to her handlers saying, "Rosie was fabulous. Please let Rosie know how much we appreciated her being there. She was just great."

Way to go Rosie! I bet she woke up this morning hoping it would be a bad dream. There's gotta be a video of this out there.

SOURCE

Let's all laugh at Joe Francis in handcuffs!

We know it's you Joe! How's it feel to be the one embarrassed in public? He is shown here coming out of Federal Court in Panama City, Florida where he plead guilty today to one count of criminal contempt.

He faces three more weeks of jailtime so insecure college girls with stripper dreams--- drink up and head to beach!

SOURCE

Whoa, check out Britney!

Looks like all those dance rehersals have been paying off. Or maybe it was the lipo. Or maybe it's airbrush tanner. Whatever it is, you go girl! Just lose the damn wig-hats.

PHOTO

Sit down Peggy!

In more Asshats on a Plane news, Heather Mills and her Dancing With the Stars partner Jonathan Roberts were recently on a 10-hour Virgin Atlantic flight from Los Angeles to London when the entertainment system broke down.

Heather and Jonathan had the bright idea of cheering up the passengers with the art of dance, so they strapped on their dancing shoes (and in Heather's case, leg) and performed an impromptu foxtrot routine down the aisles of the plane (once the Fasten Seatbelts sign was turned off of course).

Problem was, the disgruntled passengers were not impressed and didn't applaud at the end of their number. Damn Beatles fans!

One passenger commented, "We weren't in a good frame of mind because of the broken entertainment system. When the dance routine, which moved from first-class to economy, finished, no one clapped because we were all in such a bad mood." (Wow, I guess they really, really wanted to see Employee of the Month.)

Another said, "She's no Sanjaya." (Ok, I know. It's run its course. Sorry)

That is hysterical. It reminds me of that scene in the Brady Bunch sequel. I guess this isn't going to make the opening filler montage before their dance on this week's show.

SOURCE

BREAKING NEWS!! Brad and Angelina are not breaking up!

Despite reports in Star Magazine and Life & Style Weekly that there are problems between the two, Saint Angelina's manager Geyer Kosinski told US WEEKLY that , "They are together and very happy.”

Brad's publicist, Cindy Guagenti, also chimed in, "I responded to those two tabloids with the correct information and they choose not to run it. There is absolutely no trial separation. As a matter of fact, Brad and the kids are travelling to Prague to be with Angelina while she films her movie. Then they are both going to Cannes to promote Oceans 13 and A Mighty Heart. After that, the whole family is going to Los Angeles for the premiere of Oceans 13 and then to New York for the premiere of a Mighty Heart."

Hmmm, I'm not sure what to make of this. Usually when the representatives come out and deny problems that means there are problems, but I think the tabs are just foaming at the mouth and other orifices for this break-up so they'll have material for the next two years.

SOURCE

Katie defies Tom again

According to Life and Style Magazine, Katie Holmes is secretly (well, maybe now not so much) talking to non-$cientologist pastors about Suri's upbringing and is looking to enroll Suri into "kiddie Catholicism" classes when she is older to learn about the faith.

Whoa, I'm really scared for her. When Tom gets word of this, it's back to the ol' deprogramming machine. Be strong Katie, Jesus will help you!

SOURCE

In this week's celebrity-airline hissy fit news....

The National Enquirer reports that "Will & Grace" star Eric McCormack threw a tantrum so bad that the incident was reported to the FAA.

Apparently the crew of the Alaska Airlines flight he was taking with his 4-year-old son, Finnigan, (Finnigan?) violated regulations because it was too large and had to be stowed with the luggage.

A source said, "Eric screeched like a banshee when he didn't get his way. He yelled at crew members - telling them his family had used the seat on many flights in the past. But the price tag was still on it. And when an attendant turned over the seat, a warning label said, 'Not to be used on aircraft!'" BUSTED!

Eric continued ranting and raving, so long that the plane started taxing toward the runway. By then, it was too late to remove the seat. It's because of that that the violation was reported.

During this commotion, one passenger was said to be overheard saying "You're no Sanjaya!"

What the fuck?

When did these pleated, high-waisted Mom-jeans become the latest fashion craze? They are so chic, and by chic I mean Chic. I'm just waiting for people to start imitating this look in public, because you know they will. I plan to point and laugh at them. Please join me.

Seriously, ewwww.

Photos

Goodbye Sanjaya

We all knew it would happen eventually.

You gotta give the kid credit though. He came out every week with that crazyass smile and awesome hair and did his best to entertain us, knowing full well we were all laughing and making fun. You try doing that. So he kind of rules. Rock on Sanjaya and good luck! I'm sure Pantene will be calling any day now with an offer. If not, you can mooch off your sister after she poses in Playboy.

Wow, this is so not how I thought I'd react. I think I may actually cry. Wipe my tears away Blake!

Oh yeah, has anyone checked on Ashley since last night? I'm afraid that moron on Starving For Sanjaya might have eaten her.

Ever wish you could have Paris Hilton cooties of your very own?

There is an auction on Ebay for a hamper that supposedly belonged to Paris Hilton. You can see the actual listing here. The opening bid is $50.00 and no one has bid yet.

The description reads:

This is truly PARIS HILTON HAMPER, where she kept all her dirty laundry.

The item comes with a certificate of authenticity from Star Style, who ran a Paris Hilton auction that included furniture and this piece. The Paris Hilton hamper is in excellent condition.

This is your chance to share in Paris' dirty laundry. No DNA found inside but maybe you have a better investigator. Valtrex sold separately.

The best part is the certificate of authenticity (click to enlarge):

So let's get to bidding people!

Linday needs Ritalin .... Seriously

Poor Lindsay is failing in her quest to be adequite. Everytime she gives an interview, it's spastic, incoherent, and crazy. She doesn't disappoint in her latest interview with Allure. Here are some random quotes:

"When my friends and family are around me I feel like they're safe . . . When my friends have left me - I've just seen everything collapse. They're not safe without me."

"It's so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab."

"Everybody's tired of hearing things about me and them . . . I think it's just better for me to lie low and get better."

Oh Lindsay! Remember when you were just a cute little freckled girl who had a doll that turned into Tyra Banks? Where is that girl?

SOURCE

Paula's a straight-up diva!

Paula Abdul tried to pull the ol' "Do you know who I am?" shit when she tried to board a Southwest flight from San Jose to Burbank recently. For those of you that don't know (including you Paula), Southwest has an open-seating policy. You buy a ticket and wait in line and it's first come, first serve. ( with the exception of young children, disabled people, and the elderly) That's why flights are $9.99.

But Paula didn't think that applied to her.

An "eyewitness" described the incident to Star, “She asked to be let on the plane and seated first."

Paula even reportedly said, “But I’m famous! I need to go on first!”

Then the most awesome thing happened. A fellow passenger yelled “You’re no Sanjaya! You have to board like everyone else.” You rule, Southwest Passenger!

The diva antics didn't end there though. When she finally was allowed to board, Paula pushed her way to the front and then tried to save the empty seat next to her--for her stuff. The flight attendant finally made her give it up.

Oh Paula, did you forget your pills? Remember when you were a young humble girl that just wanted to have a party ? Where is that girl?

SOURCE

I kinda sorta feel bad for him

Star reports that everyone's favorite punchline, SANJAYA, was booed at the Dodgers/Padres baseball game at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles on Saturday, April 14th. And he wasn't even singing.

An eyewitness said, "He was just sitting there having a good time with his friends, just like a regular person. And when the Dodger camera noticed him the camera guy ran over and taped him. Sanjaya's face pops up on the big screen right away. At first he smiled, he seemed to like the attention. But when the entire crowd at the stadium started to boo--and it was loud!--his smile faded a bit and his eyes looked sad. It's like he was trying to keep a fake smile on, but you could tell he was crestfallen. He just kept waving and smiling for a few seconds more then his image went off the screen."

Okay, first of all who is this eyewitness? "Crestfallen?" Who says that? The Smashing Pumpkins have a song called Crestfallen and they don't even use the word in it.

Second of all, I bet 95% of those people vote for him.

I kinda sorta feel bad for her

The I Love New York reunion show was on last night and Tango (the ninja-turtle looking"winner" from I Love New York who proposed to Tiffany on the finale) dumped her ass for being a bitch and saying mean things about his momma. So the guy proposed and played her for four months just so he could humiliate her on national television. Yeah, it's kind of awesome but also mean, hey just like Tiffany herself! She said she wished she had chosen Chance instead

Well, the good news is this means there will be an I Love New York 2, now with implants!

Oh yeah, and Pumkin and the Mr. Boston are supposedly a couple. NY didn't buy it though. Me neither.

If you missed it, it will be on 24/7 for the next month.

There's also a great recap here.

This is news?

"I'm bringing mucus back"

Well at least he's honest. Timberfuck recently announced to the world, "I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey there then just pick it man!"

In other Justin news, this week he's dating Jessica Biel, again. A source said that the two were all over each other at a recent party. "If Jessica was talking to a group of girls, Justin would come over, kiss her neck and start making out with her." Of course this means he'll be back with Scarlett Johanson by Wednesday.

SOURCE