The Most Awesome Human Being in the World

Lets follow up the Bill Murray is a wifebeater story with something positive.

So I've been trying so hard to dull the David Cook thing a bit because I don't want to be one of those crazy stalker fans that watch his YouTubes over and over and send him hundreds of cookies and shit like that, but dude's making it really hard because he keeps doing one awesome thing after another (sit down Caldwell, I wasn't talking about your ass!) First the Guitar Hero commercial, then telling Ryan Seacrest to say "Chicks Man" on the Soup, then somehow managing not to burst into laughter when that old crazy owl Larry King "honored" him with his cornyass suspenders, wait a second, what was I saying before about YouTubes? Nevermind, don't answer that.

So now PEOPLE has a story about how a couple days before the Idol finale, David dropped everything to visit his friend and Top 24 contestant Luke Menard, who was recently diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, in the hospital.

David said, “I love Luke and I just wanted to show up and make sure that he understood that I love him and know that if there’s anything I can do for him and his wife, sign me up, you know? Luke, Michael Johns, Jason Yeager and myself, we kind of buddied up one day at Hollywood week. We called ourselves the four horsemen. Any time one of your own is going through something as horrible as that, it makes everything else seem a little bit insignificant. Cancer is a very big part of my existence. I’m excited to be put in [the spotlight] where I can hopefully do something to help other people.”

Luke's prognosis is positive, "They’ve been told that it’s treatable and manageable. Luke is currently in Los Angeles and plans to return home to Indiana soon,” a friend of Luke's recently told news reporters.

Seriously, this David Cook thing is getting annoying. Nobody could be that awesome and nice and sweet and humble and smart and talented and adorable. I'm sure any day now, we'll hear a story about how shortly after meeting David Cook, a little crippled girl in a wheelchair got up and walked for the first time in her tragic life. And, nobody would be surprised!

So, let's just cut the shit and do the next obvious thing and cancel the whole election and just make David Cook the new president.

Really, let's look at the facts: He has about as much experience as Obama; unlike Hilary, he owns up when involved in a scandal (Eleanor Rigby > Whitewater); and he's much younger, hotter, and more living than McCain. Plus, there's the whole stand-up, honest guy thing. There wouldn't even be any need to have an election because everybody already knows he'd win by 12 million votes. And all the money saved on the election could be used to offset gas prices. Then, once in office, David would turn around the economic crisis, fix the health care system, and bring about world peace--all through song, hand messages, and by making world leaders and crooked politicians feel like shitty excuses for human beings compared to the awesomeness that is David Cook. Then he'd rearrange the Star Spangled Banner into a beautiful and haunting post-grunge ballad.

So this November, stop searching America, because the magic rainbow for a bright future leads to COOK!

Cook/Castro in 08! VOTE! VOTE!