Bad timing, not bad taste (this time)

Given my obsession with all things pro-rasslin, I can't help but feel obliged to comment whenever the WWE makes national news. This time it's over the "death" of chairman Vince McMahon on the 6/11 episode of Monday Night Raw (He's not really dead, see because in case you didn't know, KISS 95.7 , wrestling is FAKE).

See, a couple days after Vince supposedly perished in a limo explosion, former woman's wrestler "Sensational Sherri" Martel was found [for real] dead at her mother's home. Of course the timing couldn't have been worse with the whole McMahon fake-death and now the WWE is being accused of, gasp, poor taste. I know, How dare they! The WWE have always been known for their high standards in providing us classy, quality programming. Geez! I bet next they're going to say that the Katie Vick storyline wasn't an artistic and thought-provoking potrayal of a psychological study on the effects of loss and one man's yearning for closure. The nerve! (Speaking of which, I think Kane is the prime suspect and I wouldn't blame him one bit.)

Plus, Vince "died" before Sherri. And it's not like they are going to have Sherri's husband come on Smackdown every week for two years to milk her death and then try to become Teddy Long's assistant. Oh god, at least I hope not.

Anyway I really hope they don't scrap the whole "Vince is dead" storyline because I'm so happy we won't have to see him every damn week.
UPDATE- Looks like the they aren't dropping the storyline anytime soon.

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Just can't get enough of the little lad who loves Starburst Berries and Cream?

I know I can't, he's one hot piece of ass. I have fantasies of a menage a trios with him and the Burger King. Ooh baby... Pardon me while I go rub one out.

I smell a Tony

You just can't make this stuff up. Coming to Broadway soon will be a new show called "Idol: The Musical". Described as "a satirical musical comedy that focuses on the outrageous and delusional fan base of American Idol," the story will be about a group of Claymates in Ohio who gather in a barn to 'worship' a shrine to Aiken.

The sad part is, it's based on a true story. (Well I don't know that, but I'd be willing to bet....) The show ends on a sad note with a mass-suicide by poisoned Coca-cola after the Claymates are shocked and horrified to learn that their beloved studmuffin prefers dudes. (Ok, I don't know that either, but it should.)

I hope they get the guy on the left to play Clay. That would rule!



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Shut up Jessica!

"At first I felt really embarrassed about it. You know, it's a weird thing to talk about. Like, 'Hey, guys. Guess what?' You don't just go telling everybody that. But after I got over that, I just started to embrace it. I started thinking, if I ever do have kids, and if they have kids, I can tell them: 'You know what? Your grandma in 2000-and-whatever was the Sexiest Woman Alive. How about that, kids?' That's what I started to think about. I'll always have that picture to say, 'That's what Granny used to look like.'" - Jessica Biel on embracing her sexiness.


I'm so relieved she is finally at peace with this.

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Hello? Bueller?

First off, I'd like to apologize to the five people that read this site. I took some time off to deal with some personal crisises and other assorted bullshit that someone up there (or down there) thinks I can handle (Note to them: I CAN'T MOTHERFUCKER!! GO BOTHER RACHEL RAY OR SOMETHING.)

But looking back on what I missed, I can't feel too bad. There really hasn't been much excitement since the hoopla over over the Paris prison sentence (which while fine for gossip sites, the major news organizations should be royally ashamed of themselves for covering like 911.)

I mean, what the hell is going on with our Hollywood celebutards and sociallice? Paris is locked away, Nicole might be pregnant, the Olsen twins: still creepy, but legal now, and Britney's wearing panties. Yawnie, yawnie, mcyawn.

Yup, my spirit has been broken a little. I actually thought I'd be happy not having to hear about these morons for a while, but it's kind of sad in a way. Like, it kind of forces all of us to deal with our own shit instead of laughing at others' drunken missteps.

Anyway, I found myself thinking and walking alone, ok, I found myself looking for something to do to avoid doing actual work (which is piled to the ceiling) so I decided to put my thoughts into song and composed this little number about the downfall of our favorite girls. I hope you enjoy it. Ok, I hope you don't think it sucks. Too much. Ahh fuck it, don't read it then. No one's holding an umbrella to your head!

The Party Has Died
(sung to the tune of American Pie)

A short, short time ago...
I can still remember
How those skanks used to run wild
And I knew if I had my chance
Up on a table I’d dance
And, maybe, they’d be coked out for a while.

But then something made me shiver
Fate’s working harder than Lohan’s liver
Bad news on TMZ;
I think you’d probably agree

I can’t remember exactly what was said
When I read about how Britney shaved her head
But something told me deep inside
The party was gonna die

Why, why, what’s come over these guys?
Drank some chanti and ditched my panties,
But there was no one at Hyde
And Britney and Lindsay promisin’ to stay dry?
Singin’, "please don’t say the party has died.
"Please don’t say the party has died

Where’s the Paris we know and love?
She now has faith in God above
Does the Bible tell her so
Do you believe in reforming hoes
Will prison save her spoiled soul
And can she still teach me how to dance on a pole?

Well, I know that you’re in love with Linds
And all the trouble she be gettin’ in
But her crotch burned out at the fuse.
Now she’s 12-steppin’ to get off the booze (or so she says)

Nicole was a loudmouth anorexic fuck
With her invitations instructing us to upchuck
But now she just may be knocked up
It really seems... the party’s died.

I started singin’,
Why, why, what’s come over these guys?
Drank some chanti and ditched my panties,
But there was no one at Hyde
And Britney and Lindsay promisin’ to stay dry?
Singin’, "Please don’t say the party has died."
"Please don’t say the party has died"

[This is the last verse (if Madonna can do it, so can I) ] :

And in the streets: the paparazzi weeps
Mary Hart cries, and the publicists sleep
Not a dirty word is printed
Not a scandal is hinted

The blogs have nothing to post
Where are these girls when we need them most?
It’s time for the new generation to step up,
Come on Dakota, grab a cup!
And get this party revived

All together now:
Why, Why, what’s come over these guys?
Drank some chanti and ditched my panties,
But there was no one at Hyde
And Britney and Lindsay promisin’ to stay dry?
Singin’,
Please don’t say the party has died."

Straight Backta Lynwood!

I'm sure everyone knows by now (sorry--slacking today) that Paris Hilton has been sent BACK TO PRISON to serve the remainder of her sentence (which is the original 45 day sentence, not the shortened 23 day one!) behind bars. She reportedly was kicking and screaming and yelling for her mom. She also said "This isn't right!" Oh yes sweetie, it is so, so right.

In case you missed all the developments (and there were more than OJ Simpson and Anna Nicole Smith combined), check out TMZ.

What the fuck?

Paris Hilton is already out of jail!

Sources revealed to TMZ this morning that the deal to cut her sentence short was sealed yesterday and that she is free after serving only 3. Fucking. Days.

The L.A. County Sheriff's Department is going to hold a news conference in an hour to explain themselves. There's no need to, she obviously sucked them all off.


UPDATE : They let her out because of a "medical condition" and she will serve the remainder of her sentence at home with an anklet bracelet. Here is the press release.
Fucking Unbelievable!

Nicole upstages Paris!

Here's a photo of what Nicole would look like at 3 weeks along.

Is Nicole Richie pregnant? According to Life and Style, she is. They report that Nicole recently underwent blood and urine screenings which "confirmed she is pregnant." She was also photographed at a reproductive clinic on May 30 and a source was quoted as saying, “Nicole’s determined to get healthy for her own sake and the baby’s.”

Hmmm, she did seem to have a pooch in some recent photos lately, but I thought it was Ethiopian belly. How does someone so thin even get pregnant?

Well, if this is true and it's a girl they can share clothes!

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Jen's dating a model - Angelina's buying a new orphan - Brad's kicking himself

PEOPLE reports that Jennifer Aniston is dating a new guy. His name is Paul Sculfor and he is a British model and former boxer and construction worker..

He even got a recommendation from a former girlfriend, London socialite Lady Victoria Hervey, "He's a lovely guy. A gentleman. Simple things, like opening doors, he does all that. He'll think of the woman before himself."

Meanwhile in Brangelinaland:




Crazycatlady Angie is planning to adopt yet ANOTHER child. This time it's an orphan boy from the Czech Republic. She met the boy at a Catholic orphanage during filming of her latest film called Wanted.

Bartender, please cut her off!

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Off again

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson broke up again.

A source told PEOPLE they split just before Memorial Day and that, "They're still friends."

They previously broke up last Christmas and reconciled around Valentine's Day so expect them to get back together around the 4th of July.

What the fuck?

What is wrong with these girls? They went from monkey-looking babies to kind of cute kids, to actually pretty preteens, to Just. Fucking. Creepy. I think they got abducted around age 15 by aliens. Where the hell was Uncle Jesse? He must have been playing a gig with the Rippers.

Paris Hilton Update - Still in Jail

So this is the actual mugshot, because we care.

So far, so good, according to TMZ. The staff is saying Paris is a "model citizen," being very polite and gracious. Well, duh! She wants to get out early.

She's in solitary - a 12X8 foot cell with a bunk bed, a toilet, and a wash basin with two windows. She has to wear an orange jumpsuit which is not hot, but the good news is, she gets to keep her hair extensions!

So far she has not been raped, shanked, or pooped on, so we can all rest assured. In fact, she seems to be getting along quite well with her fellow inmates. Word is she's very excited about being invited to a blanket party.

Ut oh Minnillio!

"I'm so hot and crazy, just like Angelina."

They totally copied off of Omarossa and Janice Dickinson.

So yesterday, these pictures of Lindsay Lohan acting like a psychopathic idiot surfaced. Well today, the mystery friend in those pictures has been identified as sweet little Vanessa Minnillo.

PAGE SIX reports that these photos may mean trouble for Vanessa's future career. They also reveal that Vanessa is kind of a bitch:


' When producers flew her to Los Angeles to cover the Grammys, "she was extremely high maintenance," said one source. "She insisted they fly her own hair and makeup people and her personal assistant out with her every time she flew to L.A. She only flew first class and stayed at the Four Seasons, and then she didn't want to work.

"Vanessa wants to be a celebrity, not interview them," said the source. "She wouldn't conduct post-show interviews because she wanted to party. She expected to be paid a full-time salary for a part-time job."

Page Six spotted Minnillo at one of the fall fashion shows changing seats for 15 minutes until she was satisfied. She's been known to bark orders at cocktail waitresses and cause scenes when she goes club hopping at night.

In April, we reported that Minnillo had moved in with Lachey in Los Angeles, where she's hoping for a movie career.

A rep for Minnillo denied any "diva behavior" and told Page Six, "She chose to leave 'ET' because her contract ended. This is the first I've heard about any bad behavior." '


Poor Nick thought he was finally getting a nice, normal girl. Maybe he should just turn to dudes.

Sarah Silverman gives Paris a proper send-off to jail

Sarah rules!

And it begins...

Paris turned herself in to authorities last night, shortly after the MTV Movie Awards. Her mug shot was released. Not surprisingly, she struck a pose. (She should've put a little powder on first though.)

TMZ